---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Sat, 08 Apr 2000 21:20:21 PDT
From: Scott L <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: You know you need a better lawyer when . . .

You know you need a better lawyer when . . .
>> >
>> >
>> > 1. During your initial consultation the lawyer tries to sell you Amway.
>> >
>> >   2. A lawyer tells you that her/his last good case was a "Budweiser."
>> >
>> >   3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each
>> > other.
>> >
>> >   4. Your lawyer picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
>> >
>> >   5. During the trial you catch your lawyer playing her/his Gameboy.
>> >
>> >   6. Your lawyer asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
>> >
>> >   7. A prison guard is shaving your head.
>> >
>> >   8. Every couple of minutes your lawyer yells, "I call Jack Daniels to
>> > the
>> >   stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
>> >
>> >   9. Your lawyer frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
>> >
>> >   10. Your lawyer places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense
>>table.
>> >
>> >   11. Your lawyer begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once
>> > said   ..."
>> >
>> >   12. Your lawyer keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
>> >
>> >   13. Just before trial starts your lawyer whispers, "The judge is the
>> > one with the little hammer, right?"
>> >
>> >   14. Just before your lawyer says "Your Honor," he/she makes those
>> > little quotation marks in the air with her/his fingers.
>> >
>> >   15. The sign in front of your lawyer's law office reads "Practicing
>> > Law Since 2:25 PM."
>> >
>> >   16. Whenever your lawyer's objection is overruled, he/she tells the
>> > judge, "Whatever."
>

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