Deri,

        An absolutely fabulous story!!

Bobby


>                  "I. S. Margolis" <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> Did Deri ever get home?
>>
>> S.
>>
>I think you mean "released". :-)
>
>> "cute story, deri!
>>
>> btw; what happened to you that time that busdriver took you
>> 'back' to the institition? how did you get home?
>> mag
>>
>>
>This all happened back in my Student days whilst doing my degree
>at Newcastle University.
>
>It was a scorching hot day and I had been playing football
>(Soccer) with a group of friends all afternoon. Well, running
>round, tripping over the ball if it ever came near me, could
>possibly be a fairer description!
>
>Hardly what you'd call organised recreation, we had split into
>two teams, "skins" v. "shirts". Being on the "skins" team I had
>the benefit of a nice cooling breeze, but still managed to work
>up quite a "lather".
>
>Around 4pm we were about breaking up, and everyone was going to
>walk across the "Town Moor" to a pub on the other side. Well I
>didn't fancy this 2 mile walk at all, and I spotted a bus coming
>down the road at the edge of the playing fields. So I high tailed
>it over the road to stand at the bus stop, pausing just to grab
>up my shirt.
>
>It would be appropriate now to describe the scene as it must have
>appeared to the bus driver. He must have seen me running across
>the busy road semi-naked carrying my shirt, hair plastered to my
>head with sweat, so puffed out, unable to talk.
>
>It was at this moment I made my "big" mistake. I thought I had
>time to put my shirt back on before the bus pulled up, I was
>wrong. The bus pulled up, the doors opened, and I was silhouetted
>with my shirt stuck fast over my head, arms in the air, unable to
>bring them down because the shirt would not slide down over my
>sweaty body. This is a tricky situation, I need my hands to hold
>the rail to get on the bus, they're stuck in the air (as though
>surrendering), I need my eyes to see the step up into the bus,
>they're covered by the shirt stuck over my head.
>
>What would you do in that situation? I applied the laws of
>physics, specifically bringing my arms smartly down to the sides
>of my body in the sort of crisp action any red-beret marine would
>be proud of. In accordance with the laws of levers and
>fulcrums the shirt began to move, but (and this is quite a big
>"but"), I had overlooked another of those useful Newtonian laws:-
>
>"To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."
>
>In this case it resulted in the top four buttons parting company
>with the shirt at quite a respectable velocity, pop-pop-pop-pop.
>At least one hit him 'cos I saw him wince.
>
>I am sure you can imagine the embarassment of the situation, but
>I must admit I didn't expect his next question.
>
>   "Are you from Saint Nick's?"
>
>Now I had never heard of St. Nick's so I must have put on a
>pretty vacant expression, and my answer came out as a rather
>unintelligible grunt because I was so out of breath by running
>for the bus. However this seemed to satisfy him because he shut
>the door and started the bus moving.
>
>My ignorance about "St Nick's" was very short lived since 150
>yards further up the road the driver turned left into a private
>drive and I happened to notice a sign "St. Nicholas Home for the
>Mentally Insane". He stopped the bus outside the front door and
>started honking the horn. After a while a lady and a man (yes he
>was in a white uniform) came out, the driver opened the door and
>enquired if they had "lost" anyone, jerking his thumb at me.
>
>The two of them convinced him that noone was "lost", and he
>pulled out of the exit back onto the main road. I could tell he
>wasn't absolutely convinced from the number of times he kept
>looking at me in the rear-view mirror, and I guess I was just
>lucky that there were no other Mental Institutions near his
>route!
>
>If you have managed to stay with me till the end of this (over!)
>long post, you will see that the driver was not being "nasty" or
>unfeeling, I'm sure he felt he was just trying to do a valuable
>service for society (and there are many who probably agree with
>him!!!).
>
>Cheers,
>
>--
>Deri James