Dear Betty,
I am really sorry that you have to deal with all of this emotional trauma.
Alex has just turned 5 but was born very early and weighed 1# 14 oz. Along
the past 5 years through many medical stays and appointments,I have found
that communication and personal wishes can not be taken for granted.  Your
mom is an adult and you are not her legal guardian so as far as  legally,
the staff was right to address the issues to her and not through you. I have
also learned, unfortunately, that the when given bad news we may hear it
with our ears but not with our heart. I could be that the doctor actually
told your mom, maybe using guarded language that she was indeed terminal and
she just refused to hear it. The hospice worker being informed by the MD
that their services may be wanted would automatically assume the patient
knew.  Did you ever tell the doctor that your mom didn't believe she was
terminal?
As far as relatives go I will agree with Beth to an extent that sometimes
they say stupid things when they are caught by surprise. I lost a son to
stillbirth 2 years before Alex was born. We had found out that Noah's heart
had stopped two days before he was delivered. The day that Noah was born
still we had called my folks. My Dad will give your Dad a run for the money
of being one of the genuine, kind, good guys in the world.When I told Dad,
Noah's height and birthweigt his response was "SUPER!!!!!!"  Huh??????
Didn't make me love him any the less but it was not super!
Finances however brings the worst in non close relatives though. About 2
years ago my husband was talking to his dad on the phone when my FIL let
dropped that Alex was close to being dropped from the medical insurance
policy because he was nearing the life time cap. We were surprised to say
the least. When we asked were he heard that he said from his other son who
got the info from my FIL's brother who was on the board of trustees for DH's
union.  We off course were clueless and to find out this way was even more
shocking as the uncle hadn't said a word to us. So not only did he breach
confidence about union issues he was sadly misinformed. The uncle had no
clue what other medical insurance policies covered Alex and a call to union
insurance company found that Alex wasn't even close to the life time maximum
because of the other insurance policies. DH called his uncle and confronted
him about this breach of confidence, misinformation and lack of courtesy of
not even telling us it might be an issue and he denied it. He has never been
able to look us straight in the eye about it though. This all happened
because the uncle had a chance to do some family gossip and it turned out to
be just that, gossip to make himself look good because he was telling others
it was only because of him that Alex was still getting medical care because
HE was approving the bills to be paid for Alex. Truth be told the union
trustee BOARD approved a pediatric stroller and in the 5 years it is the
only expense that was paid by the union and not the other insurance
policies. So stay on guard, know your facts and vent and get it over with.
Your uncle isn't worth your limited energy and emotional resources right
now. Your mom is.
Joanne
PS. Just remember your nephew may also be an innocent bystander here. He may
not even know ( I assume it was his proud dad talking) his services were
offered. Don't take out your anger with your uncle on the nephew.