These are too funny!!

                       Trisha


"Medical Records, Part I"

These are doctors' notes on patients' charts:
 (Actual notes - unedited!)

 1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side
 for over a year.

 2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the
 3rd day it disappeared completely.

 3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her
 husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

 4. The patient has been depressed ever since she
 began seeing me in 1993.

 5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly.   She
 also appears to be depressed.

 6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

 7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male,
 mentally alert but forgetful.

 8. The patient refused an autopsy.

 9. The patient has no past history of suicides.

 10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another
 hospital.

 11. Patient's past medical history has been
 remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound
 weight gain in the past three days.

 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia
 for lunch.

 13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get
 this lady pregnant.

 14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband,
 I thought you might like to work her up.

 15. She is numb from her toes down.