In a message dated 02/12/2000 8:10:52 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:

<< What about those of us that have
 multiple disabilities that are not easily seen ?  >>

This is something that has been on my mind ever since I first read your post
Deborah.

I imagine it's very hard to have invisible disabilities.  No one readily
recognizes them and I wonder if the disability community acknowledges this
the way it should?  I didn't when I replied at first, I just targeted what
hit me the hardest -- the business of being angry at society.  I am and I
explained my reasons, but chronic pain from a condition that nobody can see
means that you might suffer alone.  If you say something about it you are
whining, if you don't you're isolated.

But your point is valid for those who do have anger at others because of
their disabilities.  I didn't mean to dismiss this.  If I hate my disability
(which I don't) it's my problem, not the rest of the world's.  If I get mad
at another women because she walks that "runway walk" and I can't, I've got
the problem not her.

Sometimes I also get the impression that parents who have children with
disabilities are invisible too.  They go through changes in old relationships
with friends after their child is born or diagnosed, and this must be a very
hard thing to experience.

I'm wondering if it's easy or hard to find a comfortable place in the
disability community when you're the parent?  Do you feel accepted or left
out?  I sometimes want to ask, "What do you want from the disability
community?"  Are we serving your needs as a parent, or are we doing something
wrong that we need to fix?

I've learned a lot from Trisha, and Randy & Cindy (of Our-Kids fame), about
the invisible disability issue, the parent issue, and also about the height
issue from Trisha.  People do make fun of that all the time and it's such a
stupid thing to do.  It's just too stupid for words.

Betty