"Are there any dressings that are generally safe? "
Italian dressing often has bits of cheese--especially anything in the
Caesar family of dressings. Oil & vinegar (olive oil and balsamic vinegar)
is pretty much the only sure thing. A sprinkle of cracked fresh pepper and
a dash of oregano zips it up--almost any Italian restaurant has these
things right on the table (at least they do here in New Jersey!).

"Also, have any of you found waiters to be very uninformed about food
preparation? "
Servers can be ignorant when it comes to food allergies, mostly because
they simply think customers are being "fussy." If you explain that any
dairy products will make you extremely ill (and could even put the
restaurant at legal risk), they will almost always volunteer to check on
ingredients with the chef. Insist on confirmation (ask them to check with
the kitchen to see if it's doable) or order something else. Believe me,
I've done it a thousand times....

Heidi Schwartz