>FROM: Christopher Morrill ([log in to unmask]) >Dear Deborah, > >Reading your "Long" letter about Zephyr (April 26/28), I'm reminded of >your words to me a year ago: > >> You and Zephyr are both cut from the same cloth. Neither >> of you have ever sustained an emotional/sexual intimacy >> longer than a few months. You don't know what it is about >> or what it requires, you're both into impulse gratification, >> you're both scared, desperate, needy, afraid to commit ... >> hence the attraction to Instincto and group sex. > >Now it seems the shoe is on the other foot. After faulting Zephyr for >his defective capacity to commit, you now contemplate -- in the public >glare of the Internet, no less -- that it's already time to leave this >man. Why are you saying this so meanly? Where is your compassion = Christopher? > >"Our future is currently in question," you write, slapping Zephyr with >an ultimatum: to ship out or fundamentally reshape his character. As my teacher Kerry King would say, "Who's giving who the ultimatum?" = You're intelligent Christopher, why would Deborah do such a crazy = thing unless there were justifiable grounds. Do you think because = you find no fault with my character, or only at moments which you = find stimulating because it presses your buttons and makes you feel = our relationship is special, that for Deborah to find serious fault = with it must mean she's slapping me with hysteria? >"Time will soon tell whether the changes _he_ believes _he_ has >undergone as a result of _his_ illness become demonstrated in [_his_] >life." One looks in vain for any promise of growth and change on _your_ >part. > >In painful truth Deborah, it's you who lean to serial monogamy, not >lasting bonds. It's you who toyed with another man at Pangaia (a move >that tormented Zephyr and wounded the other). Come on Christopher. That's just a bunch of yellow journalism crap. = I initiated the non-monogamous sexuality. I urged it, almost = demanded it. I don't think you realize how insecure and willing to = deny her own true feelings Deborah is. At that point she would do = anything to stay with me. I didn't realize she was lying to us and = herself, maybe lying is not fully accurate, but stretching herself = unhealthily out of fear of losing me rather than a desire to expand = relationship. She has confessed to me that much of this fear based = false activity was present in the sexual/sensual aspects of her = relationship with you while the three of us were together. Maybe the = anger you feel is that deep down you feel lied to. You have a right = to feel outraged, but I don't believe it is compassionate to take = your whipped tongue to Deborah for it. Eye for an eye will make the = whole world blind, eh? >It's you who went >traveling with one of your several ex-boyfriends when Zephyr was too >sick to walk, talk, or pee in a pot. Now I know you're crazy Christopher. That's the biggest bunch of = double speak I've ever seen on the list, more than NFL ever could = muster. Deborah went to Tulsa for the anniversary of her very dear = Father's death. Fred went with her to support her and buffer her = from her mother, who she has a challenging relationship with. To = tell the story the way you did is so misleading. Are you eating = cooked food again? How could your brain allow this to come through = unedited? > >And it's you, Deborah, who introduced yourself to Zephyr by writing this >in the Natural Hygiene M2M: > >> Can't wait to meet you. We have so much in common. >> The difference is that you are taking action to incarnate >> what I yearn for yet fear. ... Oh how I yearn for, >> within monogamy, that type of sex you're talking about -- >> Tantric, bonding, infant, surrender, yes [sic]. ... >> Come down south where it's warm(er), and check it out. >> I doubt you'll find enough people to do what you want >> here, but I can introduce you to some, and I'll be very >> curious to watch what happens and participate in >> whatever way feels right to me. ... Does everyone >> [at Pangaia] want sex all the time? ... >> I'm very very interested. > >Coming from an older woman -- wealthy, experienced, and polished by a >Ph.D. in psychology =96- such talk was sure to have an impact on your >impressionable 26-year-old conquest. Except that I didn't know diddly about Deborah and it in fact had no = particular impact on me. > Now that Zephyr has grown ready to >promise the bond you demanded, will you cast him off like stale food? Demand? What an odd word for the need to have bonding. More like = crave, starving for, deserve as a human. Unexpressed jealousy = Christopher? Envy? Rage? Direct this stuff where it can do some = good, not at scathing one of your better friends. >Will you prove once again as fickle with your lover as you are with your >on-again-off-again eating trips? > >You report heartache over Zephyr=92s desires for multiple sexual partners >and communal living. And after choosing a man with no means of support, >you lament his financial dependency. But you of all people, Deborah, >knew what to expect from this crusading idealist. You edited and >published his book. This is the most coherent paragraph you wrote. It's true that she = knew what she was getting into, but she and I made our "decisions" = about being together not based on logic, but irresistible whole body = feelings. Truly, if I were looking through a singles list and read = Deborah's honest bio I'd probably pass, but that is the mind, not the = heart. > >Why exploit this forum to broadcast your off-topic marital resentments? Since when is honest expression to people one feels affinity with off = topic? Who forces who to read anything? Give it up Christopher. = Come out of your vicious mind and be vulnerable. What about you and = your feelings, hurts, wants. > What did you expect to gain? Under color of a public-spirited >testament on your boyfriend's illness, you embarrass us with a veritable >Dear John letter, a self-congratulatory confession of what you call >"imbalanced" intimacy. Isn=92t your halo hanging a bit heavy on your >head? You just wish you had a lover Christopher. I imagine you have so = much energy around her and I because I'm the last and sadly maybe = only person to give you real honest love and companionship. Your not = going to recreate that experience by trying to eliminate the = competition, in fact a letter like this makes me want to pull away = from you more, not nurture you and love you. I know you feel = incomplete, and I know you are creating a family of sorts for = yourself. If you want to support family and intimacy and healing = both Deborah and I are here for that, but if you want to = narcissistically show off how witty and cruel you can be we'll be at = McDonald's. > >Spare me the one-sided account of your saintly forbearance and Zephyr's >rankling unworthiness. Again Christopher, who forced you to read anything. Admit to your = own desire for any crumb of information about me and our life. You = like the food, it keeps you going. But I believe you can do much = better than this. I am sad and confused by the distancing between you and Deborah, = truly. I wish we were all one big happy family as the fantasy goes, = and yet I know there are damn good reasons and beyond reasons that = this isn't happening. All three of us hold an equal piece of this = circumstance. Maybe you can't admit to yours and want to shame and = blame Deborah. Maybe you don't have the guts to lay into me because = you fear I'll abandon you the way you feel abandoned by Deborah. I = want you to be complete on this experience, Christopher. >Spare Zephyr your demeaning metaphor of >mothering a stray dog. And spare us, please, your unbecoming exhibition >of conjugal one-up-manship. Save it for the bedroom, if that=92s what >turns you on. Phuck you. > >Sincerely, <--------- Z: This is a lie > >Christopher Angrily, Zephyr