Michael, Your stories are just a hoot. That punch sounds great!!! I think I'd be a bit leary of Long Dong's sausages if I were you. There was an old fella in the area who was called "Long Dong" I never inquired about how he got that appelation, don't think I want to know. He was bone lazy. He worked in the local hospital as a handy man. One day one of the supervisors couldn't find him, finally she found him in a storage area asleep in a chair. She had all the furniture removed from the room, next time she went looking for him he was asleep leaning on the wall, propped up on a pair of crutches. Ruth At 6:33 PM -0500 12/30/05, [log in to unmask] wrote: Act two THE PARTY DEC 29 and it's the end of the work year The men are festive, their spirits up. It's a short workweek and we are going home. . Home for New Year. Home to a warm house and to contemplate the passing of another year. We elect to have a party and plan for it at the noon hour . As stone boss it is my anointed duty and privilege to provide for the beverage. Besides the palette of my crew is uncomplicated. They usually request a selection of cold can domestic beverages but today they up the ante, get inspired, and call for the makings of a punch; a New Years punch. Yuletide punch is as old as King Cole. , Since before time, merry old souls throughout the realm have concocted famous and infamous punches; Some can be called memorable, usually the best ones usually are not. Punches are strange concoctions with some of the base ingredients in use since the time of the Neanderthal . Some of these fermentations have been known to start wars or lead to pillaging . Others a little less fiery to lewd behavior and wife stealing. Some of the worse ones have led to abstinence but we will broach that subject another day ... Since most our audience here is agreeable in a limited capacity I feel safe about going ahead and giving the ok for the men to plan for a punch and New Years party even if it is a day or so early . . THE PUNCH scene two Stonemasons and gravediggers however are not known for their critical taste and this punch I fear will bear witness to that. Tears well in my eyes as I write down the suggested ingredients. Obscure as they are , I feel rocket scientists might recognize them as what it took to send a man to the moon . : First several bottles of darkened rum are requested ;ones with sublime names like Dirty Dick and Rusty Mary come up for discussion It seems you can recognize their labels by the number of smiling pirates or half naked and tattooed women that are found pasted on labels . On their backsides (the bottles that is ) one can find maps of the Dry Tortugas decorated with skulls and cross bones . The fact that some of these beverages have octane ratings as high as 151 proof should tell you something about why there are the skulls and cross bones . . Then comes the fruity parts . What they have called for to be added into the coveted bowl is bottles of purple colored Triple sec, Orange bits and slices ,fizzy water , ginger ale, Method Champagne made by the Ripple company , bitters, lumped ice ,orange juice and something the gravediggers call Juju but won't tell me what it is. I won't pry , but concocting this stuff in the graveyard and throwing in something called juju might not be a good idea . The problem is that we see enough out here as it is ; and we certainly don't want to see any more than we have to. Everyone nods ,but I fear its fallen on deaf ears . . I feel like a den mother when I say the holiday meal will be nothing fussy. , The men have called in Chinese take-outs from Long Dongs, which to me sounds dubious but what do I know ?. "You'll love Long Dongs sausage " they all chime Hmmm ..and how long is Long Dongs sausage ? . Don't ask , Don't tell comes the short answer. Hmmm I'm getting nowhere with this line of questioning Me ? I like it spicy besides its New years "; and anything goes ..well almost anything Last year it was the lampshade , this year it's Long Dongs . All I can do is pray that the Mylanta holds out , and that the Mrs. doesn't call me in the middle of the Long Dongs because I'm not quite sure I can explain it all.. -- Ruth Barton [log in to unmask] Dummerston, VT -- To terminate puerile preservation prattling among pals and the uncoffee-ed, or to change your settings, go to: <http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/bullamanka-pinheads.html>