OK, SO WE ARE ALL AGREED, WE DON'T LIKE ANYTHING OTHER THAN HEARTWOOD TAKEN FROM HUNDRED-YEAR OLD CYPRESS TRUNKS FELLED INTO A MISSISSIPPI BOG BY THE KRAKATOA EXPLOSION AND SALVAGED BY HORNY, KENWORTH-DRIVING FRENCH STONEMASONS SINGING THE CAJUN NATIONAL ANTHEM AND DRINKING BRANCHWATER MOONSHINE WHILE WRESTLING ALLIGATORS USING STRATOCASTERS.