Bacon Good For You, Reports Best Scientist Ever
http://www.theonion.com/onion3906/index.html

ROCHESTER, MN-Bacon, long believed to contribute to heart disease and
obesity, possesses significant health benefits, according to a study
released Monday by Dr. Albert Gruber, the best scientist ever. "My research
has found that three strips of crispy, mouthwatering bacon every morning can
actually reduce cholesterol and help slow the aging process," the awesome
Gruber said. "What's more, the bacon's positive effects are enhanced when
combined with milk shakes and/or marijuana." In 1997, Gruber, a Mayo Clinic
cardiologist, was awarded nine Nobel Prizes in Medicine for discovering that
frequent oral sex with models cures cancer.