LOL, very funny! I'll have you know you made me spill my tea. Fortunately I'm wearing dark slacks today. I loathe and fear voice mail systems because I can't hear them and get thoroughly lost in the maze. I just punch "0" or ask the Relay operator to do it. Kat On Fri, 16 Aug 2002 10:15:29 EDT "BG Greer, PhD" <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > Subject: Voice Mail for Mental Health Centers > > > Answering machine at a mental health facility: > > "Hello, and welcome to the mental health > hotline..." > > If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 > repeatedly. > > If you are codependent, please ask someone to > press 2 for you. > > If you have multiple personalities, press 3, > 4, 5, and 6. > > If you are paranoid, we know who you are and > what you want. Stay on the > line so we can trace your call. > > If you are delusional, press 7 and your call > will be transferred to the > mother ship. > > If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and > a small voice will tell you > which number to press. Remember, you are never > alone! > > If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't > matter which number you > press, no one will answer. > > If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696. > > If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget > with the pound key until > a representative comes on the line. > > If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your > name, address, telephone > number, date of birth, social security > number, and your mother's maiden name. > > If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, > s-l-o-w-l-y & > c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0. > > If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a > message after the beep or > before the beep or after the beep. Please > wait for the beep. > > If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. > If you have short-term > memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term > memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term > memory loss, press 9. > > If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. > All operators are too busy > to talk to you. > > If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the > fan, lay down & cry. You > won't be crazy forever. > > If you are blonde don't press any buttons, > you'll just mess it up. >