------Original Message------ From: Kathi McIntire <[log in to unmask]> To: Sophia Smith <[log in to unmask]>, roy soffield <[log in to unmask]>, Tamara Binkley <[log in to unmask]>, tawanna <[log in to unmask]>, tim wooten <[log in to unmask]>, stacy oxenhandler <[log in to unmask]>, Paula <[log in to unmask]>, peg o my heart <[log in to unmask]>, Nancy Phillips <[log in to unmask]>, Regan Phillips <[log in to unmask]>, MooreJ Smith <[log in to unmask]>, jennifer martin <[log in to unmask]>, Michelle Elizabeth <[log in to unmask]>, Donna Morse <[log in to unmask]>, debbie oxenhandler <[log in to unmask]>, DrMichael Herzberg <[log in to unmask]>, Jan Nottmeier <[log in to unmask]>, Jody <[log in to unmask]>, marycarol kileff <[log in to unmask]>, "David Rhetah" Kleber/Kwan <[log in to unmask]>, joanna Stephen koplan <[log in to unmask]>, marty landis <[log in to unmask]>, nancy collins <[log in to unmask]>, angelique cook <[log in to unmask]>, Puny Fortson <[log in to unmask]>, kellee fowler <[log in to unmask]>, Stanley Hall <[log in to unmask]>, sara HALLmckane <[log in to unmask]>, sunshine hampton <[log in to unmask]>, Sydney Arnold <[log in to unmask]>, Trudy Austin <[log in to unmask]>, jennifer boyd <[log in to unmask]> Sent: April 26, 2001 1:18:03 AM GMT Subject: Bush and Regis Pryor <[log in to unmask]> wrote: Date: Tue, 24 Apr 2001 10:53:38 -0400 From: Pryor Reply-to: [log in to unmask] Organization: Westside Middle School To: Aldine Ketner , Angela Kirk , Ann Pryor , Christine Bock , Debbie Downs , Gabe Pryor , Kay Guess , "[log in to unmask]" , Molly Pryor , Shanda Hickman , Shawn Kerrelmeierlee , Sweet Kathi , Tricia Dyer , WorkB Pryor Subject: white http://www.liberalslant.com/white.htm Thank You, Ralph Nader, Wherever You Are --------------------------------- By: Bill White "Welcome to a very special "Who Wants to be a Millionaire,"' said Regis Philbin. "Ordinarily, we would begin with a fastest finger question for our contestants, but in deference to our special guest, President George W. Bush, we're going to let him take the first crack at making a million. "Mr. President," Regis added, "this isn't meant to imply that you wouldn't have won the fastest finger portion yourself." "Thank you, Art. I am." "What charity will you be playing for?" "My winnings will go to National Wildlife Taxidermy Federation, which protects the memory of our greatest national resource, our bears and Siberian tigers and whatnot." "I've never heard of that group." "They go into wilderness areas where we need to drill for oil and natural gas and arrange for the humane stuffing of the wild animals." "Interesting. Well, let's get started with an easy question for $100. Global warming primarily is caused by: A) Too many trees. B) Uncontrolled bank mergers. C) Pollution from burning fossil fuels. D) There is no such thing as global warming." "Alex, I have a pretty good idea about this one, but I think I'll ask the audience. I'm a big believer in surrounding yourself with the top authoritarians in the field and then making decisive decisions to bring the solution to an end." "All right, let's ask the audience Ninety-nine percent say it's C, greenhouse gases. Would you like to answer C?" "I think I'd better phone a friend. Let's call Christine Todd Whitman, my EPA director. We call her Cricket." "Really? OK, we'll ask our friends at AT&T to connect us with her. Hello, Christie, this is Regis Philbin. We have President Bush here, and he needs a little help. Mr. President, you have 30 seconds." "Cricket?" "Yes, Mr. President." "Listen carefully. Global warming is caused by: A) Too many trees. B) Uncontrolled bank murmurs. C) Pollution from burning fossil fuels. D) There is no such thing as global warming." "That would be C, pollution from fossil fuels. I'm absolutely certain." Click. "Well," Regis said, "that was decisive, too. Ready to answer?" "I'd like to call Dick Cheney?" "You only get to dial one friend." "Oh. We'd better use the 50-50 then." "Mr. President, with all due respect, are you confused by the question? Global warming results from trapping greenhouse gases in the atmosphere." "Reggie, you might just as easily ask me if it's a good idea to allow more arsenic in our drinking water." "Actually, Mr. President, you are trying to allow more arsenic in our drinking water." "Exactly. Now let's see that 50-50." "Computer, take away two wrong answers. OK, we're left with B and C. Too many bank mergers, or the burning of fossil fuels. Speaking of bank mergers, how about that Wachovia thing? There's a name for you." "Hey, they promised me you wouldn't ask about world capitals!" "I never mind. Did that 50-50 help you?" "I'll go with D. Sometimes, the president has to make tough decisions. Decisive. Tough. Compassionate." "There is no such thing as global warming?" "Right. I've had many discussions on this subject with my friends in the oil and coal industries, and they've assured me that there is no sound science to demonstrate that global warming really exists." "Understanding that the computer just removed that answer and is telling us it's wrong, do your sources on this issue have a transparent financial interest in hornswoggling you?" "Computers have been known to be wrong, Pat. There's no sound science to suggest they work. Final answer." "I'm sorry, Mr. President, but the correct answer is C." "How about that. Well, I didn't expect to get such a tough one to start off, but I'll just wish my predecessors over there good luck on the rest of the show." "Mr. President, it's been a pleasure. Any final messages for our television audience?" "No, but I'd like to apologize to our Polish friends for not recognizing the name of their beautiful capital, Wachovia." "I'm sure they understand." Bill White is a contributing writer for Liberal Slant and a columnist for The Morning Call Back to: LIBERAL SLANT The views expressed herein are the writers' own and do not necessarily reflect those of Liberal Slant 2000-1999-1998 LIBERAL SLANT Web Publications. All rights reserved. [log in to unmask] --------------------------------- Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Auctions - buy the things you want at great prices "Mental toughness and perseverance is the formula for success" ______________________________________________ FREE Personalized Email at Mail.com Sign up at http://www.mail.com/?sr=signup