Thanks Ebou for this funny dose of laughter. I guess this is just to make us laugh or is it true? I hope not. Saul >From: Ebou Secka <[log in to unmask]> >Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list ><[log in to unmask]> >To: [log in to unmask] >Subject: FW: MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES >Date: Sun, 20 Aug 2000 06:21:57 GMT > >Guys and Gals, please enjoy this set of policies. They might help in better >managing our offices and businesses. > > >>Subject: MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES >> >>MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES >>NEW COMPANY POLICIES: SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE >>We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. >>If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. > >>SURGERY: >>Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, >>you need all your organs. You should not consider removing >>anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed >>constitutes a breach of employment. >> >>BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: >>This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do >>for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be >>made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. >>In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should >>be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work >>through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided >>your >>share of the work is enough to keep the job going in your absence. > >>YOUR OWN DEATH: >>This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks >>notice as it is your duty to train your replacement. >>REST ROOM USE: >>Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the >>future,we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. >>For instance, those whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, >>employees whose names being with 'B' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. >>If >>you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the >>next day when your time comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may >>swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing >>must >>approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time >>limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm bell will >>sound, >>the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door open. > >>PAYCHECK GUIDE: >>The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees >>better understand their paychecks: >>Item Amount >>Gross pay $1,222.02 >>Income tax $244.40 >>Outgo tax $45.21 >>State tax $11.61 >>Interstate tax $61.10 >>County tax $6.11 >>City tax $12.22 >>Rural tax $4.44 >>Back tax $1.11 >>Front tax $1.16 >>Side tax $1.61 >>Up tax $2.22 >>Down tax $1.11 >>Tic-Tacs $1.98 >>Thumbtacks $3.93 >>Carpet tacks $0.98 >>Stadium tax $0.69 >>Flat tax $8.32 >>Surtax $3.46 >>Corporate tax $2.60 >>Parking fee $5.00 >>F.I.C.A. $81.88 >>T.G.I.F. Fund $9.95 >>Life insurance $5.85 >>Health insurance $16.23 >>Dental insurance $4.50 >>Mental insurance $4.33 >>Reassurance $0.11 >>Disability $2.50 >>Ability $0.25 >>Liability $3.41 >>Unreliability $10.99 >>Coffee $6.85 >>Coffee Cups $66.51 >>Floor rental $16.85 >>Chair rental $0.32 >>Desk rental $4.32 >>Union dues $5.85 >>Union don'ts $3.77 >>Cash advance $0.69 >>Cash retreats $121.35 >>Overtime $1.26 >>Undertime $54.83 >>Eastern time $9.00 >>Central time $8.00 >>Mountain time $7.00 >>Pacific time $6.00 >>Time Out $12.21 >>Oxygen $10.02 >>Water $16.54 >>Heat $51.42 >>Cool air $26.83 >>Hot air $20.00 >>Miscellaneous $113.29 >>Sundry $12.09 >>Various $8.01 >>Net Take Home Pay $0.02 > >>Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide >>a positive employment experience. All questions, comments, >>concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, >>insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, >>consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere. >>Have a nice week. > >________________________________________________________________________ >Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com > >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L >Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html >You may also send subscription requests to >[log in to unmask] >if you have problems accessing the web interface >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html You may also send subscription requests to [log in to unmask] if you have problems accessing the web interface ----------------------------------------------------------------------------