I am posting some amusing excerpts from the first two issues of the NFL
newsletter "Just Eat An Apple" that was sent to me by a friend:

If you ever wondered what happened to fruitarian strongman Jeff Ross here
is the answer:

"August 6, - Militant raw-foodist Jeff Ross is thrown in jail by police for
beating up a cooked-food eater.  The victim confronted Mr. Ross at the
beach, laughing at him for eating fruit.  Mr. Ross threw a punch that
missed, but followed up with an uppercut knocking the cooked-food eater
unconscious.  For subscribers interested in writing to or sending food to
Mr. Ross in jail, please send to Nature's First Law and items will be
forwarded."

Danger lurks at every corner for the raw-food freedom fighter:

"May - Raw-food guru  Dr. David Jubb was attacked by the mad cooked-food
addict "Charles" in New York City.  Apparently, Charles entered David's
residence while he was diagnosing a woman with breast cancer who, at the
time, had her shirt off.  The mad Charles punched David.  David tackled
Charles and the appropriate authorities were notified.  Charles fled the
scene and is apparently still on the loose."

If you ever wondered what Kirt is up to when he is not on-line:

"Fat and ugly Kirt "Stand for Something Or Fail For Anything" Nieft does
not have a job. He lounges around his shack all day (mired in his poverty
and milking his wife's income) eating rotting dead fish (raw) from his
kitchen counter while cowardly sending e-mails from behind his computer.
Can you imagine eating raw meat?!  Surely anyone stupid enough to fall for
that could fall for anything.  Clearly, the parasites which have flooded
his system have taken over his brain.  The chaos and confusion of his
feeble consciousness have turned him into a black hole of negativity from
which there is no escape.  Nevertheless, he does represent an incredibly
positive factor, for he stands as a warning of exactly what happens to
those who take up the DUM (dead uncooked meat) diet."

Tom's true identity is revealed in the article "TOM BILLINGS: COOKED-FOOD
MORON" illustrated with a crazy looking man sitting by a fire about to kill
a cat with a knife:

"Anyone interested in the Raw-Food Diet who has browsed the Internet for
information on the subject has inevitably come across a cooked-food moron
named Tom Billings (Milquetoast Tom).  This pale, emaciated, pencil-necked
life-failure actually goes out of his way to speak out against Nature's
First Law's valiant efforts to disseminate the truth of raw-foodism to the
masses.  His motivations for doing so are very mysterious.  Why is a
self-proclaimed raw-foodist vegetarian actively advocating AGAINST raw-food
diet and vegetarianism?  Hmmm... Maybe he is just sitting back laughing at
all of us raw eaters whilst meditating in a dark room in some stupid yoga
position whilst listening to some ridiculous Indian music with a red dot on
his forehead?  We wouldn't be the least bit surprised.  Or, maybe he is
actually an agent for the FDA or the USDA, hired to discredit Nature's
First Law and the raw-food movement in any way possible?"

<SNIP>

"The truth is that Tom Billings is not a raw foodist, nor has he ever been
one, nor is he currently a raw, living foods proponent.  However, he is in
fact a toxic little tapeworm out to bring anyone interested in learning
about The Raw-Food Diet down to his level - "Water seeks to its own level"
remains an eternal law of Nature.
What is really comes down to is that Billings is a lonely,
sexually-frustrated, homosexual virgin, trying to put down the successful
raw-fooders in order to compensate for his own personal failures.  We
recently learned from an infiltrator that Billings has never been raw for a
single day of his life, he never went a day without rice!  Billings hides
behind a computer screen bingeing on rice and tells everyone that cooked-
foodism is dangerous."

<SNIP>

"So beware of the destructive, negative cooked-food moron named Tom
Billings!  Better yet, we encourage you to challenge him and make him
slither back into the colon from which he came."

From an article called "A Day at... Nature's First Law" we get an insight
into the daily lives of our brave, raw food warriors.

<SNIP>

"10:00am Stephen's place.  This is the Nature's First Law world
headquarters.  Heavy metal music is blasting, as usual.  Fernis is the
healthiest dog I've ever seen, and is 100% raw and vegetarian.  He has been
especially trained to attack cooked-food eaters on sight.  HA!HA!"


<SNIP>

"I'm working with Dave and Stephen, Raw Courage being under the tropical
sun of Hawaii. He decided he had enough of civilization, the "cooked coward
world" as he says, and set out for a life of fun in the sun, 100% nude and
100% fruitarian."

<SNIP>

"We joke a lot at each other, and make reference to the infamous Tom
Billings at least 10 times during the day.  Billings is a SEVERE
cooked-food addict who pretends to be a raw-food promoter, but scares
everyone off the idea of eating fruit and being a 100% raw -foodist.  He
likes to talk against NFL, in his daily posts to the various raw lists on
the internet."

<SNIP>

"2:00pm  We've got unexpected guests -- some groupie girls who think we're
the coolest things around.  We don't really have time for that today, so I
gently ask them to leave us alone. " ah...won't those chicks one day
understand that being a super-hero is time-consuming!""

Other topics covered in "Just Eat an Apple" are how to get away with going
on fruit raids in private gardens, preferably in the nude as this enhances
the sexual experience - how to increase penis size on the raw-food diet -
how to eat pot raw - how to steal food from the supermarket without getting
caught +  an exclusive interview with a real life breatharian.

The cartoon characters Beavis and Butthead and shock jock Howard Stern seem
to be the main sources of inspiration for these merry loonies of the
dietary fringe which makes reading "Just Eat an Apple" highly entertaining;
it also makes for a very sobering and educational experience for with their
in-your-face attack dog style they are like the freak brothers on steroids
doing what they do best - exposing themselves as a truly bizarre, social
phenomenon driven by a vain desperation to continuously outdo and nurture
their own bad-boy image. What makes this newsletter hysterically funny is
to observe how these bozos by acting out their juvenile, apeman fantasies
become victims of their own propaganda by being so completely devoured by
the characters they are playing. I guess that is one of the dangers of not
heeding the Beavis and Butthead viewer warnings...

A one-year subscription (six issues) is $20 and can be ordered through
www.rawfood.com.
I recommend getting one as reading "Just Eat an Apple" is likely to be a
very liberating experience that will make it difficult to look a raw,
fruitarian type vegan in the eyes without cracking up unable to ever take
such a person seriously again.  And as a bonus reading passages from the
newsletter out loud to friends and family will work as a great conversation
stimulant and is guaranteed to lighten up the dullest of gatherings.

Best, Peter