PART 2 of 2 parts

April 3, 1997

It must be time for another update because my answering machine and
e-mail inbox are full.  I am finding it hard to keep up with this
precedent I've begun, and am going to start communicating less
frequently now since Zephyr seems to be out of the woods and in
genuinely competent hands.  I need to take more time for myself and
for Zephyr, and spend less time at the computer and on the telephone.

Most of you have been genuinely supportive of me in my
decision-making process.  Nonetheless, I have become frustrated with
the barrage of contradictory, urgent, demanding, draining, and even
threatening pieces of advice from a small minority of you.  Some have
warned me that if Zephyr goes into the hospital or uses drugs, I will
have signed his death warrant.  Others tell me that if he remains at
home without medication one moment longer, I'm playing with his life
and being stubborn.  You should all understand that I am going by my
very best judgment, intuition, and the expert advice and
interpretations of highly qualified and caring people.  I love Zephyr
with all my heart; I will not subject him to unnecessary suffering at
the hands of Western emergency medicine due to extremes of either
childish dependency upon it or adolescent rebelliousness against it.
I am no longer asking for your advice on a course of action; our team
of care givers is in place and functioning smoothly.  In fact, I'm
now choosing not to go into detail about his medical history because
I don't want to add fuel to the fire!  Should confusion and upset
return, I'll let you know and solicit your opinions if it feels
appropriate.  And even in delineating that boundary, my heart goes
out to all of you because I know your words and actions are motivated
by genuine concern for Zephyr's life.

Suffice it to say that additional blood tests were performed this
morning and reveal improvement in all signs.  A local M.D. has become
involved in Zephyr's treatment, and paid him a visit today here at
home.  He spoke with Dr. Klaper and they had a good rapport.  Our
common goal is to support Zephyr's healing and recuperation by
keeping him at home if at all possible.  The blood work indicates we
are on the right track.  We'll continue to monitor him very closely.
Should certain key signs shift precariously, we will reconsider our
methods.

Thanks to everyone of you for your prayers and heartfelt connection
to both Zephyr and me.  We're immensely grateful.

With Much Love,
Deborah

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April 6, 1997

This experience with Zephyr has left me tending to believe that in
today's world, it's inappropriate to be other than a vegan or
vegetarian.  We're not out on the savanna; we don't need to kill to
survive; our animal sources are too contaminated; the animals may
have sent a message for us now through Zephyr's illness about who
eats who these days.  It's the lowest life forms eating the highest!
too abundant and too hybridized; our emotional imprints too
entrenched to surmount; and our neocortex exists for good reason
to be integrated into instinct rather than shunned and denigrated.
I'm sick of food philosophies used as battering rams, badges of
identity, and snobbish elitism.

I am up right now because at 2:00 this morning Zephyr awoke first
Herbert, our nurse, and then me with mysterious sounds and a dreadful
stench.  We were horrified to find Zephyr lying on the carpet off the
futon that has been his bed all this time; his face, chest, hands,
torso, penis, and legs were smeared with shit.  The carpet was
covered with shit, in globs, smears, and ground in as well.  He was
incoherent and kept putting his hands in the shit and smearing it
into his face and hair.  He had begun to claw his way up onto the
large bed where I was sleeping; shit stains like bloody hand prints
marked his trail.  Too weak to make the ascent, he had collapsed back
into his own filth there.  Herbert said that no more than five
minutes prior, Zephyr had asked Herbert for the bowl to pee in.  That
task completed, they both went back to sleep.  [Herbert sleeps on the
massage table in the bedroom.]  Within moments, Herbert heard the
mysterious scratching sounds.

I feel outraged and like I am in a horrific nightmare.  Herbert and I
spent the past three hours nonstop cleaning up Zephyr's shit.  What a
metaphor for my entire relationship with Zephyr -- the destruction
and havoc he has wrought in my life, my house, my heart, my bank
account, etc.  I think that this is a terrible sign for Zephyr's
physical health as well.  He does not remember doing this.  He was
dazed and confused during the episode and has no recollection of it
now.  I wonder if he has permanent brain damage.  I can't go through
this every night.  He won't keep a diaper on.  He's getting to be
like an Alzheimer's patient.  Very unlike the hopeful prognosis
Klaper gave a few hours prior...  I don't know what to do next; it
will depend on the next series of blood tests and on his vital signs
and mental acuity over the next 48 hours.

Dr. Klaper is alarmed, but not to the point of having Zephyr go
screaming through the night in an ambulance.  Thank God.  I was
afraid to tell Klaper, while knowing I must; I feared he would advise
that Zephyr go right to the hospital, and I imagine we will have to
relinquish control in the hospital.  But I guess our current form of
control is leading to somewhat further degeneration.  So I had only a
few good hours of total relief, without the panic of the current
emergency moment.

Dr. Klaper sees three potential causes of last night's poop accident,
all of which are potentially reversible at this point:

1) The liver is not detoxifying properly; there's a buildup of
ammonia in the bloodstream, and an incident of hepatic encepalopathy
occurred (mental confusion created by the liver).

2) Whatever injured the liver is now injuring the brain (lead
toxicity, for example)

3) There's a nutritional deficiency (pellagra, a lack of B2 or B6,
for example).  This could be remedied quickly (if necessary) by IV or
feeding tube (oh how Zephyr would hate either of those!).

Tomorrow we are having new blood tests done:  prothrombin (blood
clotting) time, HIV, malaria smear (Bruno is convinced Zephyr has
malaria and urges that we rule it out), and another CBC

Zephyr can't remember what happened last night; he feels remorse and
shame when I tell him what did happen.  He is wearing a diaper today
and knows that another incident like this means hospital admission
because of what it implies is happening in his body.

Our psychic continues to inform me that she gets messages of *severe
disconnect* between Zephyr and me.  She interprets this as either
that Zephyr is going to die, or that we are going to break up.
Ominously, this feels more and more true.  I feel less scared and sad
about it, though those feelings are certainly coming up.  I still
feel deeply hopeful that this ravaging illness will have a deep
impact on his character in ways that make it possible for us to
remain together.

Mielle, the spiritual healing lady who has been coming to our house
daily for sessions for both me and Zephyr for the past ten days or
so, has flooded me with information and ways of being I need to
attend to.  Some highlights:  I need to let go, relax my control
(which is illusory anyway), and trust God/have faith/be free (sorry
if it sounds too platitudinous!).  My energy has a controlling hook
in it; I protect myself so much that I prevent good and love from
coming into me, as well as the bad from coming into me.  I have a
problem receiving.  I need to experience myself as source and
catalyst, and be assertive rather than controlling.  My control
originated in not being seen when I was little, in having been judged
a lot.  I developed a whole strategy of perfectionism rather than
just being who I am, and then it got more and more out of hand and
controlling as the years have progressed.  Now my boundaries are too
strong.  This all rings deeply true for me.

For Zephyr, on the other hand, she sees him having a struggle between
his lower chakras and his newly hatching spirituality, which is
emerging as the gift of this profound illness.  He is in a state of
transition between (1) needing attention, needing to be loved,
demanding attention, and (2) becoming a selflessly loving, giving
person.  She gave him the affirmation to hold on, gain control, and
feel safe.  Whereas I need more looseness, flow, and creativity in my
life, Zephyr needs more structure, discipline, and restraint.  Mielle
suggests that Zephyr's desire for polyfidelity and community is based
in sensual, lower chakra, feed-me roots rather than in selfless
service or having an abundance of love to give.

We've been watching videos together lately; this is something Zephyr
would NEVER do normally.  I really enjoy it.  He also reads now,
which he doesn't do normally.  Come to think of it, we have more in
common in this mode than normally!

Hoping to send better news next time,
Deborah

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April 16, 1997

Dear Friends,

Thanks for your patience in awaiting the next bit of news about
Zephyr.  It has been very useful to both of us to consolidate our
energies here, with less frequent contact and updates, and I'll
continue to be sensitive to that inclination...

Zephyr's condition has finally been diagnosed, at least in part.  He
has trichinosis.  A very high level of antibodies to it appear in his
blood.  (For the medically curious among you, I've appended some
information from the Internet on this disease at the end of this
letter.)  The suspected carrier was the raw mongoose.  A deworming
drug, Vermox, has been prescribed.  Zephyr is overjoyed to have a
diagnosis and truly ENJOYING taking the drugs.  Cooked foods?  No
way.  Drugs?  Bring 'em on.

Just before I went to pick up his prescription last Friday, Zephyr
had a bowel movement that was full of blood, and some blood poured
out of him afterwards.  I was SCARED but he seemed nonplused about
it.  This symptom continues off and on, and two samples have been
taken to the lab for testing.  I've also requested Dr. Klaper to have
the best parasite lab, located in North Carolina, send us test kits
so they can run their own analyses.  Dr. Zylstra, our local Santa
Barbara physician, suspects that the trichinosis worm is only one of
the creatures that has infested Zephyr's body.  The trichinosis worm
burrows its way out of the intestinal tract and colonizes the muscle
tissue.  This explains the pain Zephyr experiences in moving.  Other
worms (hookworms) attach their mouths to the intestinal wall and
remain there.  This could explain the bloody stools...

I told Dr. Klaper that some of our diehard Natural Hygiene friends
were recommending that Zephyr fast and let nature take its course.  I
told him my concern was that the worms would win out, and he
confirmed that, saying that this is NOT a time to fast -- the worms
WILL digest Zephyr's muscles if left untreated.  And have already
gone a long way toward doing so.  His knees are wider than his thighs
now.  As our friend Peter Brandt pointed out, the last muscle the
worms digest is the heart, which is how people die of trichinosis --
cardiac arrest.

Zephyr's illness certainly seems to be a big blow to instincto theory
at a minimum, and in my opinion to raw animal flesh-eating
altogether.  If left untreated, as per instincto or Natural Hygiene
theory (i.e., if one didn't use bad tasting herbs or highly processed
drugs), an odorless, tasteless, invisible parasite could kill a
person.  Also, I read in Ann Louise Gittleman's book (Guess What Came
to Dinner?) that pork tastes much sweeter when it's infested with
tapeworms; it becomes much more desirable...  So much for relying
only on our senses to guide us.

I am left with a world view more akin to my friend Fred's, which sees
the universe as a highly competitive battlefield where many different
organisms are struggling to survive, and doing so at one another's
expense; whereas I think the instincto view is a utopian one that
sees the universe as naturally attuned to meeting all our needs and
satisfying us pleasurably over and over again.  I find something
neurotic and reflective of early childhood deficits in both of these
extremes, however.

Dr. Klaper paid us a visit in person yesterday.  He was traveling in
our area, and spent several hours at Zephyr's bedside, loving him,
answering all manner of questions, and recommending simple
isometrics, stretching, and dietary additions.  Zephyr cannot wait to
resume raw flesh eating, and that sparked a lengthy discussion of
veganism, Dr. Klaper having read nearly all of Zephyr's book the
night before they met.  He told Zephyr that he was truly moved by
him, even though he had been prepared to dislike him!  Zephyr cried
and they hugged each other.

Basically, Dr. Klaper feels the essential unity of all life, and does
not feel it appropriate at this stage of the game that humans be
predators.  He doesn't see humanity's place as being like that of the
large carnivores, who weed out the old and sick from animal
populations.  So his first objection is spiritual or ethical.

He is also fully aware that some vegans fare better after
reintroducing animal foods into their diet, and because of that, has
created a study designed to ascertain exactly what factors cause some
people to "need" meat in their diets, and what is it in meat that
they need.  And, are these needs able to be met by plant-based
sources?  He has gathered 50 long-time genuine vegans doing very well
as vegans, and 50 long-time genuine vegans doing very poorly as
vegans, and designed a very sensitive questionnaire and a whole
battery of lab tests in order to isolate these factors and better
understand this conundrum.  Although we have plenty of anectodal
evidence on both sides of the issue, there is no hard science on it,
and that's what he's after.

He told Zephyr that from a parasite risk, domestic, instinctive
quality herbivores are safer to eat raw than wild carnivores.  But
risk still exists; human influences come into play during slaughter
and processing, and who knows how these instinctive quality
herbivores are really being raised, what they're eating, and what
microorganisms are in their environment.  Of course, one can get
fanatic about this, like never driving a car because an accident
might occur, but Klaper feels that raw meat is a significant physical
risk, akin to Russian roulette.  Dr. Klaper impressed me as one of
the finest human beings I've ever met; a truly caring, knowledgeable,
and brilliant physician.  I cannot recommend him more highly.  Thank
you, Fred, for bringing him into our lives.  His visit was very
reassuring to Zephyr; he conveyed to him that the worst is definitely
over, and gave us concrete details about rebuilding a fragile system
that came very close to death.

So our days are simple and slow, and Zephyr is doing much better.
Zephyr is slowly but surely showing signs of improvement...
increased appetite, blood pressure, mental clarity.  He's still weak
and bedridden, but I expect that to change soon because the
biochemical foundation finally seems to have shifted in his favor.

With love and appreciation for your prayers and support,

Deborah


ROUNDWORMS make up the phylum Nematoda. The trichina worm belongs to
the
genus Trichinella.

Trichinella spiralis is the name of the roundworm which causes
trichinosis, a parasitic disease which usually results from eating
infected pork products that are raw or under-cooked.

When the flesh, in which the larvae of the trichina worm are
encysted,  is eaten, the larvae are freed from their cysts by the digestive
juices  of their host's intestine; three to four days after entering the
intestinal tract, they become adults and mate. The females burrow
into the lining of the intestine and, after six days begin to bear
numerous larvae. One adult female can produce up to 1000 living larvae in six
weeks. Eight to nine days after the encysted larvae have been
ingested  by the host, the newly born larvae migrate into the lymph channels of
the intestine, from which they enter the bloodstream. From the blood
the larvae burrow through our body reaching our lung, diaphragm, pectoral
and eye muscles, within these muscles the larvae mature until they
are 16 days old; they then cease developing and form a capsule about
themselves from the sheath, or sarcolemma, of our skeletal muscle.
The capsule will eventually become a completely calcified cyst from lime
salts which our body deposits in the capsule.

The symptoms of trichinosis include abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting,
and watery stools. The face very often becomes puffy and swollen,
headache and even delirium occur, muscle spasms and pain in the
joints, the heart muscles are often infected resulting in permanent heart
damage. Permanent eye damage occurs often, and 5 percent of cases are
fatal.


Trichinella spiralis

Taxonomy, Common Name, Disease

*	CLASS: ADENOPHOREA
*	SUBCLASS: ENOPLIA
*	ORDER: STICHOSOMIDA (TRICHURATA)
*	SUPERFAMILY: TRICHOCEPHALOIDEA
*	FAMILY: TRICHINELLIDAE
Scientific name - Trichinella spiralis
Disease - trichinosis
Historical

Trichinosis in man is associated with the consumption of pork
products, particularly uncooked or insufficiently cooked pork. The worm was
first reported in man in 1835 and was first recorded in the United States
in 1846. It was demonstrated that Trichinella caused serious disease in
man in 1865. This nematode was first discovered by a medical student in
London who noted during dissection of a cadaver that muscle tissue
contained gritty particles which tended to dull a scalpel.

Hosts

Man, pig, rats and many other mammals. The natural hosts are flesh
eating animals.

Distribution

The worm was at one time widely distributed in Europe and the United
States. It is thought to have originated in the northern hemisphere,
but now is known from some areas in South America and Africa. It occurs
in New Zealand but not in Australia.

Life Cycle

This nematode has no stages outside a host. The adult worms are found
attached to or buried in the mucosa of the duodenum. After mating the
males die. Females (ovoviviparous) produce living young
(approximately 1,500 per female over a period of 4 to 16 weeks) and then die.
Juveniles enter the lymphatics and mesenteric veins and are found throughout
the arterial circulation between the 7th and 25th day after infection.
They  travel in the hepatoportal system through the liver, then to the
heart, lungs, and the arterial system, which distributes them throughout the
body. They are transported to striated muscles, penetrate individual
fibers, and cysts are formed around the juveniles. Within cysts,
juveniles remain viable for many years, up to 25 years in man and 11
 years in pigs. There is agreement that there are four juvenile
stages but disagreement in the literature as to whether or not nematode
development occurs within the cyst. When viable encysted juveniles
are ingested, they are digested from the cysts and pass to the duodenum
where they mature. Humans are essentially a dead end for the
parasites.

Symptoms-Pathogenicity

1.Nausea, dysentery, colic due to invasion by adult worms.
2.Migrating juveniles cause pain as they invade muscle tissue; there
may also be edema (swelling), delirium, cardiac and pulmonary difficulty,
pneumonia, nervous disorders, deafness and delayed or lost reflexes.
3.Many cases are never diagnosed because of the vaugeness of the
symptoms. Muscle biopsy can be conducted and involves pressing muscle
between glass plates to look for cysts. Xenodiagnosis involves
feeding suspected muscle to laboratory rats.

Management

Prevention -
1.Cook pork thoroughly (also flesh of bear, walrus, wild pigs).
2.Cook all garbage fed to hogs.
3.Proper meat handling, ordinary curing and salting of pork products
will not kill encysted juveniles.
4.Freezing is effective if carried out properly. The freezing
requirements differ with the size of the meat. Pieces not exceeding 6
inches in thickness require 20 days at 5F, 10 days at -10F, 6 days at
-20F. Larger pieces require longer periods. Quick freezing and
storage for 2 days is effective.
Although there have been marked reductions in the percentage of hogs
carrying encysted juveniles in the United States, there is
considerable variation from one part of the United States to another. It is
therefore a wise precaution to avoid uncooked pork products. In the United
States Trichinella occurred in 0.4 to 2.5% of the prepared pork products
examined in some areas (1961); however some areas had as much as 10%
infection. In Chile 0.22% of 500,000 hogs were infected (1964). In
Germany only 0.00026% of 14,000,000 hogs were infected (1965). It has
been estimated that 3/4 of the persons infected with Trichinella are
from North America.
Treatment of Host: No cure. Relieve symptoms with analgesics and
corticosteroids.

THE MERCK MANUAL 	=A0
Search The Merck Manual!


SECTION 1. INFECTIOUS DISEASE

15. PARASITIC INFECTIONS

DISEASES CAUSED BY WORMS
TRICHINOSIS
Etiology, Pathogenesis, and Epidemiology

Trichinosis occurs worldwide but is rare or absent in regions where
swine are fed root vegetables, as in France. In the USA, it has
become infrequent; sporadic outbreaks are usually caused by consumption of
ready-to-eat pork sausages.


Infection with the roundworm T. spiralis results from eating raw or
inadequately cooked or processed pork or pork products (rarely, meat
of  bears and some marine mammals) containing encysted larvae
(trichinae). The cyst wall is digested in the stomach or duodenum and the
liberated larvae penetrate the duodenal and jejunal mucosa. Within 2 days, the
larvae mature and mate, after which the males play no further role in
causing disease. The females burrow into the intestinal wall and by
the 7th day begin to discharge living larvae; each female may produce >
1000. Larviposition continues for about 4 to 6 wk; then the female
worm dies and is digested. The minute (0.1 mm) larvae are carried by the
lymph and portal circulation to the bloodstream and from there to
various tissues and organs. Only larvae that reach skeletal muscle
survive; they penetrate individual fibers, causing myositis. They
grow to 1 mm in length, coil up, encyst by the end of the 3rd mo, and
eventually calcify. The larvae may remain viable for several years.
The diaphragm; tongue; and pectoral, eye, and intercostal muscles are
especially involved. Larvae that reach the myocardium and other
nonskeletal muscles are surrounded by a focus of inflammatory
reaction  nd die. In animals, encysted larvae are the source of infection for
the next host.

Treatment:
There is no specific treatment for trichinosis once the larvae have
invaded the muscles. Analgesics can relieve the muscle pain.

Expectations (prognosis):
Severity of trichinosis depends on how heavily the individual is
infested. Light infestations may go unnoticed. Heavier infestations
may cause severe symptoms. Very heavy infestations may result in heart
failure.

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April 20, 1997

Hi everybody.

Zephyr continues to improve a little bit each day.  The intestinal
bleeding has stopped.  He has less pain in his muscles.  His appetite
is increasing, and he's a little fatter!  But still very weak.

I wanted to share some communications from Fred (with his permission)
after Dr. Klaper's visit with Zephyr.

Following is a letter in which Fred conveys his impressions of the
visit between Zephyr and Dr. Klaper. In particular, Fred describes
his reaction to the moment when Zephyr tearfully expressed to Dr.
Klaper the belief that he, Zephyr, in practicing his animal-killing
and flesh-eating ways, was "doing the best that I can".

Deborah-
There is a response that takes place in the face of one who is
suffering. When Zephyr cried, I too had tears in my eyes. But then I
 thought to myself, "He's not crying for the animals he killed, for the lives
he slaughtered. He's crying for himself, for his own pain, not for the pain he
inflicted on the other." It may be that that is all he is capable of. I am too
chronically upset to feel much sympathy for he who causes unnecessary suffering to
another. Especially when that other is as defenseless as the animals
that populate this orb. Anyway, that's how I feel.
Yes, the visit with Michael Klaper was a high point in this ongoing
saga. It does seem that Zephyr was touched by Michael and what he represents. It
will be interesting to see what happens as Zephyr regains his ability to
forage for flesh at the grocery store. Neither of us holds out much hope for a
change in behavior. But you never know.
As always, I send you my love.
                                He Who Is Without Sin


Now here's a message Fred sent to Zephyr after he, Fred, learned that
I had let Zephyr read the previous letter.

Dear Zephyr,
Deborah informed me that she was passing along an E-mail I sent last
night. I didn't intend for you to read it because I don't want to cause you
any more consternation than you already feel, especially while you're
recovering from your illness. Also, while the thoughts I express are nothing
new and won't surprise you, I'd rather not upset you at this time.
There is a very human response that takes place when one is
confronted by the suffering of another. It's called compassion. It is so pervasive,
and so effortless that one must assume it is a deeply rooted and essential
part of our nature. In fact, I would go so far as to say that it's evidence
of our oneness. I mean this in the most literal sense of that word. It is
the moment in which the many become the one. A true sharing. When this takes
place, it seems to me impossible that a violent act could occur. But this
merging is not confined to the human species. At least, in my experience,
compassion is not exclusively felt by humans for only other humans. It is possible
to experience this quality in relation to other forms of life. Perhaps
you are able to feel this way towards trees and plants. However, I maintain
that somehow, for reasons I can only speculate about, you do not, as a
rule, feel compassion for the animals you kill. I don't think you could kill
them if you did. As you know, I am profoundly disturbed by the fact that humans-
the all-powerful, mighty, invincible conquerors of this planet, display
callous indifference at best and heinous violence at worst toward all other
animal species. Why do I want to protect animals, not just as species, but as
individual beings with exquisite bodies and souls, amazing social
communities, astonishing abilities to survive everything that both the
ancient and the modern world throws at them? In one word- compassion.
I don't know if perhaps you're a young soul, or maybe your mother and
father were absent and unwilling to nurture you, and that's why you can hunt
these exquisite creatures down and slaughter them. Or maybe it's true that
you really don't want to kill but your instinct for survival tells you
you need their flesh to be healthy and feel good. I don't know. As for the
idea that you're more noble for killing the animals yourself, I don't accept
that. I would rather someone be in denial of the brutality they support with
their flesh purchases, because I believe there is hope for that person. But
to confront the reality of flesh-eating as you have and to then embrace
it- that is for me taking two steps backward.
You would like to believe that your present diseased state is not the
result of a fundamentally flawed vision of the way things are. You would
like to think that you merely made a slight mistake, and the bulk of your
philosophy can remain intact. No major revision necessary, you hope. Well, I
don't know. Maybe you can continue eating fishes, lambs, deer, cows and any other
animals you believe to be "clean".
Maybe you won't ever again get parasites. Maybe, maybe, maybe....
In the meantime, our souls suffer. We crave something, anything that
can give our lives greater meaning. Something IS going on, I'm almost certain.
Something extraordinary, though I can't put my finger on it. And when
that something draws near, there will be much to cry about. But until
then, the game goes on.
                                            Love,
                                                Fred

April 26, 1997

To bring you up to the present moment, Zephyr is finally showing
signs of making a real recovery.  He has been walking since April 22
(his 28th birthday), albeit slowly, and gradually becoming more
independent.  For over a week he has been clamoring for RAFs.  I had
been refusing to supply him with any out of a desire to protect him
(and myself) from suffering a relapse, due either to parasite
infestation or to the AF being too dense a protein for his weakened
liver to metabolize.  He became increasingly obsessed, manipulative,
miserable, and petulant about his need for RAFs.  Finally, yesterday
I decided to give him what he wanted and let him suffer the
consequences, if any.  So far, they've been only positive during =
these two days he has eaten RAFs (a pound of T-bone steak yesterday,
a pound and a half of prime rib today).  He feels sated, calmer, more
flexible in his body, and stronger.  He is much kinder and more
nurturing towards me.  Who knows what it all means?  Life goes on,
and I'm so grateful he's still in it.

Thanks for listening.

Deborah Boyar

P.S. for those not on the raw-food list (an e-mail list devoted to
raw foods):

Here's a copy of Kirt's letter that provoked all of this:

Subject:     Zephyr's illness (was Re: Roy's trichinosis
consideration)
Sent:        4/26/97 12:06 PM
Received:    4/26/97 2:34 PM
From:        Nieft / Secola, [log in to unmask]
Reply-To:    Raw Food Mailing List, [log in to unmask]
To:          Raw Food Mailing List, [log in to unmask]

Roy says:
>>As a fan and well wisher of Z's I wish him a speedy recovery,
>>and I look forward to his insights into this question.

Zephyr says:
>That is very kind of you to say Roy.  I do seem to be recovering well, I
>have no one to compare to of course as far as time.  I'm finally walking
>some:  like Frankenstein from Auschwitz, kind of lumbering on my skinny
>legs, but staying up.  I am done with the Vermox, the de-worming pills,
>and it looks like it's just between me and my body as far as healing on
>that realm.

Kirt says:
Good to hear you are over the hump! It wasn't much fun hearing about
your decline, I tell you.

Zephyr says:
>Today I had some Manning's natural beef, which is the first
>meat, discounting egg yolks, I've had for about six weeks.  We'll see how
>that settles and works.

Kirt says:
Hair of the dog, eh?

Zephyr says:
>I feel Deborah was/is an incredible organizer, decision maker, nurturer,
>mother, and so much more.  She made many very difficult decisions that I
>probably wouldn't have chosen in my desire for "naturalness."  I'm quite
>sure that I would have died if not for the allopathic support I received.

Kirt says:
It does sound like you owe her a huge thanks. You put her in a tough
position and she did very well by you, me thinks, to put it very
mildly ;)

Zephyr says:
>As for instincto theory.  I've been thinking about this.  I don't have
>any conclusions, but I do know I will not be eating varmints, including
>rats, mice, gophers, mongoose, and other not often eaten by people foods
>again or ever.  I will stick to tried and true foods, especially meats.
>My days of experimenting like that are over.  You know, the idea that we
>don't get disease eating instinctively, period, is obviously absurd.  I
>don't doubt people have been dying of parasites and worms since we began.

Kirt says:
It sure seems that instinctos, overall, have shown that prefired
humans probably dropped like flies from parasites. I know, I know, we are
products of generations and decades of misnourihment, that our food supply is
not wild etc etc etc, but how is it that plenty of cooked folks have
trich but asyptomatically so, and here a many-year-instincto nearly dies of it?
And we recently learned here on this list that GC Burger himself resorted
to allopathy in response to malaria! What will be next? I sure as hell
hope it isn't me!

Zephyr says:
> Things die, period.  Nonetheless, I still feel that eating instinctively
>is "the lost knowledge of optimum nutrition."  Certainly, this near death
>experience has, as they say, changed me forever, and I'm not about to
>become paranoid, fearing a worm or a fluke in everything.  I will be more
>cautious and intelligent, and less invulnerable and carefree with meats
>for sure, but I consider this new information to add into my
>understanding, not validation to dis instincto.

Kirt says:
Hmmm. I guess your near-death-experience has changed me more than it
has you ;) It is not clear to me that your illness can be blamed entirely
on a raw mongoose liver. (You weren't the only person who consumed some of
it is my understanding.) If I were you I would be paranoid about
parasites--hell, I'm not you and I am paranoid from your experience. I feel that I may
simply have lucked out so far (especially since we eat far more
seafood than meat and very few organs--we simply can't find high quality land
animal foods in this country and most other countries either). How
has it changed you forever, Zephyr? I welcome your honesty about the
experience in this forum, but I think you are glubbing over some important stuff in
the paragraph above. There are folks who have been experimenting with RAF
on your and mine and others' recommendation. IMO, your experience
deserves a more thorough airing than it has received so far.

Can you describe the many weeks of what actually happened? Can you be
clearer on how it has changed your point of view? Can you offer up
some musings about how others might learn from your experience?

I consider your near-death a HUGE blow for
instincto-as-currently-prostelytised. Melisa and I can hardly remain
interested in "promoting" instincto as we have done in our unpublished
writing so far, and on this list (myself). Personally, I consider
instincto pretty much dead in the water insofar as it boasts Super Health and
unity in Nature, etc etc. The track record just gets worse and worse, not
better and better.

>>Roy says (referring to parasite troubles):
>>(5) This is a flaw in Instincto theory.

Zephyr says:
>Instincto theory is a head trip created by Guy Claude and promoted by
>folks like me, Bruno, Kirt, Pangaia, et al.  It's a theory.  Yeah, every
>other animal on earth only eats raw food, okay so there's some empirical
>evidence.  But past how I feel, and how much I enjoy food, the theories
>don't have too much value.  I want to live and enjoy life, and I'm not
>going to limit myself to instincto theory or any theory to do that.  If I
>need help, I'll receive it.

Kirt says:
Huh? This seems so spurious as to be... It was theory that lead you
to eat wild RAF. If you want to live and enjoy life, you will apparently
need to learn much from you experience recently. No one is a bigger fan of
pooh-poohing theory than I, but I really question how non-theoretical
you were before your illness, and how non-theoretical you are now.
Perseverating on sensation at the _expense_ of useful ideation may be
the blindest theorizing of all, no?

How much of your desire to eat RAF presently is simply to "prove" to
yourself that instincto theory is still valid. Again, it seems I
remain more deeply affected by your illness than you are. Something is
_deeply_ wrong with how instincto is practiced today, or it would simply have
a much better track record. You seem to be saying that instincto is as hip
as ever except for varmint organs, or something like that. And then saying
you don't need any theory to boot!

What gives, Zephyr? Perhaps it is too early in your recovery to know
what is up but sooner or later this stuff needs to be discussed. And it
should probably be discussed in public since other health/truth seekers
deserve to hear about, and ask questions of, all instincto experience--and that
includes malaria, and now trich.

Zephyr says:
>Life is sexually transmitted...and always fatal,

Kirt says:
Or perhaps: death is a sexually transmitted disease...and often life
affirming ;)

Cheers,
Kirt