Richard, you write:

<< somewhere in my teens i began to somehow figure things out for myself
 (something guided me, it felt like an uncle figure from the spirit plan)
 at this time i found joy in seeing a new day and soon i found that other
 peoples opinions really didn't matter as much as i had been taught and
 found that as long as i felt strong inside and accepted myself and made
 only the changes i was interested in, for self improvement, then i was
 like a blade of grass in a wind and i would bend rather than break

--You are so fortunate. Some people never "grow up." Never realize THEY, not
someone else, are responsible for their own happiness.

 When we stop looking for others on which to blame our problems, we are well
on the way to adulthood.

 now i enjoy my time alone ( i live alone too ).

When we can enjoy our own company we are then fit company for others.

FWIW;-)
gc
p.s. We go at our own pace. When we are ready.