Asalamu alaikum G-L
Below is an interesting article which I am sure a lot of
you will enjoy reading and most importantly change your
life (courtesy of brother mambuna, gambianmuslims)
Mansour



> Take the Test...
>
> How many of these characteristics describe you as a husband?
>
> - I Wake up my wife for Fajr.
> - I teach my wife, and I do all it takes for her to learn Islam.
> - I talk to my family about the example of the Prophet, sallallaahu
> alayhewa
> sallam and I strive to emulate his example as a husband.
> - I know it is my responsibility to help with housework and I give my
> wife days
> off and do the work she would normally do.
> - I assist my wife in the care of our children.
> - I am patient with my wife and I show her love and affection.
> - I speak to my wife in a kind, respectful and gentle manner.
> - I sit with my family and present topics for discussion.
> - I ask my wife for advice and I accept and appreciate getting
> constructive
> criticism from her.
> - I take my wife out for recreation and exercise.
>
> By: Abu Ayyoob Adullah al-Ansari
> al-Jumuah magazine
>
>  When we seek out knowledge about marriage we see that the Qur'an and
> Sunnah
> have assigned tremendous importance to the marriage contract and have
> distinguished it above all other contracts. Indeed the Prophet,
> sallallaahu
> alayhe wa sallam, said, "When a man marries, he has completed half of
> his
> religion and he needs only to fear Allah to complete the  other half."
> (Mishkat)
> In the Qur'an, Allah says, "And how could you take it (back) while you
> have gone
> in unto each other, and they have taken  from you a firm and strong
> covenant?"
> [4:21]
>
> Purpose of Marriage
>
> Therefore, marriage must be entered into whole-heartedly and taken very
> seriously by each of the two partners, and both of them must be
> committed to
> making their marriage a success. A marriage is truly successful and
> prosperous
> only when it is mutually rewarding. Allah suggests that both partners
> come
> together to cover, protect and beautify each other in the same way that
> a
> garment covers, protects and beautifies the one who wears it. [2:187]
> Through
> this metaphor, we understand that when twopeople get married, they cease
> to
> consider themselves individuals but insteadas a couple - each person
> benefiting
> by the other equally. In order to
> flourish, there can be no hint of selfishness or refusal tocompromise
> between
> them. There must be an agreement between the two partners that each of
> them will
> work together to solve whatever problems arise.They will assist one
> another and
> sacrifice in order to gain mutual happiness, pleasure and peace. This is
> the
> purpose and goal of marriage according to the Shari'ah. As the Lord of
> the
> Heavens and Earth has said, "He it is who has created you from a single
> person
> and [then] He has created from him his wife, in order that he might
> enjoy the
> pleasure of living with her." [7:189] Allah has designated specific
> roles for
> both partners. Only when these rights are observed and these obligations
>
> fulfilled, can
> tranquillity descend upon the couple and security surround them in their
> certain
> success. If either of the two partners, out of ignorance or intention
> refuses to
> fulfill his or her duties and thereby does nothonor the rights of the
> other, the
> household becomes a living Hell.
>
>  Unfortunately, this is a common situation today. Let us focus now on
> the
> responsibilities and desirable characteristics of a Muslim husband.Many
> brothers
> have never asked themselves: "What are the rights of a wife upon her
> husband?",
> "What is my responsibility toward her?", "What do I owe her?" Never
> asking these
> questions, or answering them with ignorance, causes many problems in
> Muslim
> households. What are the characteristics every man should possess in
> order to be
> a good husband to his wife? The example of the Prophet Muhammed,
> sallallaahu
> alayhe wa sallam, is the ideal model. Let us look specifically at these
> characteristics and how we may achieve them in our lives.
>
> Starting Point
>
>  First of all let us understand that Islam is a complete way of life
> which
> offers guidance for mankind in all matters. Allah is the All-Knowing the
>
> All-Wise and He has taken account of everything which concerns us. He
> has
> included the solution to all of our problems in His Shari'ah. Nothing
> has been
> overlooked. The characteristics of a Muslim husband and the way to
> acquire them
> have been made clearer and easier to accomplish through the example of
> Prophet
> Muhammed, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam. Allah says, "Indeed you have in
> the
> messenger of Allah a most excellent example of conduct for him who looks
> forward
> to the meeting with Allah and the Last Day and remembers Allah much."
> [33:21]
> Unfortunately many brothersinterpret this in a limited way - they focus
> on what
> we know of the
> dress and physical attributes of the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa
> sallam, and
> his Sahaba. There is no question that the best example of a husband and
> father
> is the Prophet Muhammed, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam. Why is it,then,
> that so
> many of us are so far from his example in this area? Could it be that
> other
> examples around us influence our behavior more? Do we believe that our
> financial
> contribution should represent our dedication to our families? Or have we
>
> deliberately ignored the model Allah has  provided us. Allah has taught
> us that
> if we want to achieve Allah's pleasure in all spheres of life, the best
> example
> for us is His  Messenger, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam. Indeed, the
> Prophet,
> sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, himself has informed us that the
> excellence of his
>  example encompasses and includes everything, especially his behavior
> toward his
> wives. He, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said, "The bestof you are those
> who are
> best toward their wives and I am the best ofyou toward my wives."
> (Tirmithi)
>
> Piety & Fear of Allah
>
> This subject is not new. When Ata' and Ubaydullah ibn Umayr once asked
> Aisha
> about the nature of Prophet Mohammed' s behavior with her: "Aisha
> started to
> weep and said, 'One night he stood up [intending to offer the night
> prayer] and
> said, 'O Aisha, let me be alone so that I may worship my Lord.' He stood
> up,
> purified himself and continued to pray and weep until the ground became
> wet.
> Bilal came and made the adhan. When he saw the Prophet crying, he said,
> 'O
> Messenger of Allah [why do] you cry,when Allah has forgiven your past
> and future
> sins?' Prophet Mohammed replied,'[Then, for that] should I not be a
> thankful
> slave?'" (Ibn Hibban)
>
> This is one example that demonstrates the intensity of our Prophet's
> devotion to
> his Lord - his extreme piety and tremendous fear of Allah. Any man, who
> wishes
> to emulate him, should start by emulating his taqwa (piety). For it is
> taqwa of
> the heart which serves as a foundation for good deeds, manners and
> morals and
> makes the observance of the rights of others easy. If a man really and
> truly
> wants to be a good husband to his wife, he must also possess fear of
> Allah. If a
> man has the fear of Allah, and it is this fear that most influences his
> relationship and his
> dealings with his wife, he fears what Allah may do to him if he harms
> her or
> treats her in a way that is unjust and therefore will never mistreat her
> in any
> way - physically or verbally. He knows that he has to meet Allah and
> answer for
> all that he has said and done. Indeed this is why Hasan ibn Ali said
> when asked,
> "'O Hasan I have a daughter. To whom do you think I should marry her?'
> Hasan
> said, 'Marry her to [a man] who [fears Allah]; for if he [truly fears
> Allah] and
> if he loves her he will honor her and [even] if he doesn't love her, he
> will
> never oppress or abuse her [because he fears Allah].'"
>
> Education
>
> Among the most important rights a woman has is her right to be educated
> about
> her religion. This responsibility is incumbent upon her husband.
> Therefore, one
> of the most desirable characteristics of a Muslim husband is that he
> himself is
> knowledgeable about Islam and teaches his wife whatever he knows. Why
> would any
> Muslim husband want to deny his wife this right? Is it not his wife who
> will
> guide his children as they grow?
>
> Isn't she the one who teaches them about haram and halal? Isn't she the
> one to
> see that they learn to pray and fast? Isn't she the one who must protect
> her
> husband's place and belongings in his absence according to Islamic
> guidelines?
> If her knowledge about the deen is limited, the entire family will
> suffer. Many
> men seek to shelter their wives from  outside influences by forbidding
> them to
> participate in outside  activities. Many men may fear that if their
> wife's emaan
> becomes
> stronger, she will object to his behavior or certain weaknesses in his
> character. These are reasons that should compel us to participate in her
> Islamic
> education, so as she learns, so will we. Couples can discuss  topics
> that
> concern them and agree on how they will integrate new  information into
> their
> family's routine. With this type of cooperation, there is less room for
> misunderstandings, and less opportunity for one Muslim to feel superior
> to
> another within the household. This
> practice will draw the family members closer to each other and, more
> importantly, closer to Allah.
>
> "O you who believe! Protect yourselves and your families from a fire
> whose fuel
> is men and stones, over which are [appointed] angels stern and  severe,
> who do
> not hesitate to fulfill the commandments of Allah [to  inflict
> punishment upon
> the people of Hell] but [rather] they do  [precisely] what they have
> been
> commanded [to do]!" [66:6]
>
> We can see that taking an active role in our family's Islamic education
> protects
> our  families from the fire of Hell. We must strive to set the best
> example
> possible for our children, wives and brothers in Islam. It is only by
> taking
> personal responsibility, that we can improve the current state of the
> Ummah. We
> are creating Muslim communities where our children and grandchildren and
>
> brothers and sisters in Islam will find themselves flourishing or
> deteriorating
> in. We must ensure that they have the means to flourish by improving our
> own
> knowledge of Islam and constantly sharing it with our families. We need
> not look
> far to see members of our Ummah who have failed to keep Islam as the
> central
> focus in their
> homes. Let us move forward by each of us looking at ourselves and asking
> Allah
> to help us to achieve this goal.
>
> If we fail to reach this goal, the consequences in the Hereafter are
> even more
> grave, especially for the husband. As the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa
> sallam,
> said, "Each one of you is a shepherd and every shepherd will be asked
> about his
> flock... and the man will be asked about his  family." (Bukhari and
> Muslim) When
> the Day of Judgment comes, will our reasons for not educating our
> families be
> sufficient for Allah? Will we be able to offer any excuse after Allah
> and His
> Messenger have made it clear that educating our wives is a duty enjoined
> upon
> him that he will be asked about?
>
> Brothers, do your wives read the Qur'an, Hadeeth and Seerah of Prophet
> Mohammed,
> sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam? Do they understand their meanings? Do they

>
> practice what they have learned? It is our obligation to make certain
> that our
> wives have the opportunity and means to  continuously increase their
> knowledge.
> To do so will not only please  Allah but will improve the relations of
> everyone
> in our homes, our Ummah,and inshaAllah the societies in which we live.
>
>  Presentation is key
>
> Another responsibility of the Muslim husband is to assist his wife in
> obeying
> the commands of Allah. If she should transgress the limits of Allah,
> then it
> becomes his duty to advise her, admonish her and actually physically
> prevent her
> from doing so. However, it is the right of the wife that this
> admonishment be
> coupled with kindness and mercy. As Allah says, "And [it was] by the
> Mercy of
> Allah, [that] you dealt gently with them. And had you been severe and
> harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you; so overlook
> their
> faults, ask that [Allah's]
> forgiveness be granted to them and consult with them in [the] affairs of
> the
> moment." [3:159] Therefore, if a husband is overbearing and  insisting,
> his
> wife's behavior will most likely not be corrected. She may even persist
> in her
> disobedience, returning his cruelty. Prophet  Muhammed, sallallaahu
> alayhe wa
> sallam, advised us to "treat women  kindly. [The] woman has been created
> from a
> rib [which is curved]. The most crooked part of the rib is the uppermost
> part.
> If you were to try [to force] it straight you will [certainly] break it
> and if
> you
> leave it as it is, it will remain curved. So [admonish] women
> kindly."(Bukhari
> and Muslim) So when a husband offers advise, or reminds or admonishes
> his wife,
> he must take this hadeeth into consideration and exercise his authority
> in a
> gentle manner in order to bring about the desiredresult.
>
>  A wife is an Advisor
>
> The nature of marriage is one of a continuous growing relationship.Every
> person
> has likes and dislikes and wants to feel his or her opinion matters.
> Also,
> because a husband and wife spend many hours, days andyears together,
> InshaAllah,
> they get to know each other's strengths and weaknesses very well. It is
> for this
> reason that a wife can be the best advisor for her husband. Also,
> sometimes we
> are so involved in other aspects of a situation that we find it hard to
> find a
> suitable
> solution. The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, used to discuss
> certain
>  matters with his wives and ask for their advice. An example of this
> happened
> shortly after the treaty of Hudaybeyah was signed. Many of the Prophet's
>
> companions were displeased with the treaty and the great number of
> compromises
> it contained. So, when the Prophet ordered the companions to shave their
> heads,
> slaughter their animals and prepare to return to Madinah, instead of
> complying
> as they had always done in the past, the companions remained in their
> places.
> This greatly disturbed the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, for
> his
> companions had never disobeyed him in this manner before. He,
> sallallaahu alayhe
> wa sallam, went to Umm  Salamah and asked her for advice. She told him,
> "You are
> the
> Messenger of Allah. Shave your head and slaughter your animal and the
> people
> will do as you have done." So the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam,
> had his
> head shaved and slaughtered his animal and the people followed him.
>
>  Because a wife usually knows her husband better than anyone else,it is
> naturally her place to offer him constructive criticism and it is her
> husband's
> duty to consider it. Many men would not like to hear criticism from
> their wives,
> but, many times she is the best one to offer an accurate assessment of
> his
> character and behavior. We should realize that none of us is perfect,
> and that
> Allah allowed us this safe relationship where we can offer help to one
> another
> and use every opportunity  available to improve ourselves and the image
> we
> present as a model
> for our families, friends and others. As Umar ibnul Khattab once said,
> "May
> Allah have Mercy upon the one who points out my shortcomings."
>
> Graceful Helper
>
>  Isn't that women's work? That is the opinion that many of us have.It is
> true
> that most of the time, women care for the house and children.But, this
> does not
> mean that it should be their responsibility alone. The Prophet,
> sallallaahu
> alayhe wa sallam, never enjoyed coming home to relax in leisure after a
> hard day
> at work. His work did not end with his coming home; instead, a new order
> of
> engagements and activities commenced. Aisha was once asked, "How was the
>
> Prophet's conduct in his home?" She said, "He was like one of you at
> home, yet
> he was most lenient and most
> generous. His spirits were high at all times, [he] smiled and even
> joined [us]
> in laughter at times. He was ready to give a helping hand to his wives
> in the
> ordinary work of the house, [he] sew[ed] his own clothes [and] mend[ed]
> his own
> shoes. In general, he helped in whatever work his wives did. However,
> when the
> call to prayer was pronounced, he dropped everything and hurried to the
> masjid."
> (Tabaqat of Ibn Sad)  So the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam,
> showed us
> that weshould deal with our wives with consideration for their sensitive
> and
> delicate nature in all things. The same kind and gentle manner
> prescribed for
> correcting her should also exist with what we view as her work. We know
> about
> the Prophet's opinion that his work did not end at the doorway to his
> home. He
> took the initiative to do whatever needed to be done. This idea is very
> important today. Many of us do not realize the amount of effort that
> goes into
> keeping the house clean, the children cared for and the meals prepared.
> Brothers
> just try to imagine what your lives would be like if for some reason you
> had to
> do all of this by yourself, in  addition to a job outside the home. It
> would
> seem impossible. It
> helps to show your wife that you appreciate her efforts. You may tell
> her that
> you appreciate her, but do you show her? When was the last time you did
> the
> laundry, ran the vacuum, changed a diaper, provided a home-cooked meal
> for your
> family, or gave your wife a day off (while you completed her chores for
> that
> day)? This may seem strange to you, but I guarantee that if you did this
> at
> least once a month, your relationship with your wife will become even
> better.
> Showing the initiative to help your wife, and lessen her burden will
> mean so
> much more to her than the effort you put forth.
>
> Although active participation in the housework and the care of the
> children was
> never a problem for the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, it seems
> to be
> inconceivable to many modern men. They feel that housework is beneath
> them and
> that if they were to stoop to that level, their peers would see them as
> weak -
> perhaps controlled by their wives.  The reality is that Prophet
> Muhammed,
> sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, was the ruler of Madinah, Commanding
> General of
> the Muslim military, the Imam of the Muslims, their Grand Mufti and
> Allah's
> Khaleel and His Chosen  Messenger as well as the head of a number of
> households.
> Yet all of this status and rank did not detract from his humility or
> cause him
> to
> think that household chores were beneath him.
>
>  Ask yourself which of the men in your Muslim community have been
> happily
> married for twenty or more years? We cannot assume that merely being
> twenty
> years together means they are both happy. Find a man who you know to be
> happy
> and family-oriented and who speaks highly of his wife. Go and ask him
> what his
> wife appreciates most about him. Here you will find your answer. More
> than
> likely, this man cares more about the happiness of his family than the
> opinions
> of the men around him.
>
>  Healthy Body, Healthy Mind
>
>  Doesn't it feel good when you play your favorite sport? You get to un
> and use
> your body and make yourself tired. Isn't this better than feeling tired
> from
> worrying or working too hard? Allah has directed us to take care of our
> bodies,
> not only men but women also. Aisha reported, "I raced with the Prophet,
> sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, and beat him in the race.Later, after I
> had put on
> some weight, we raced again. This time he was the winner. At that time
> he said
> to me, "This one cancels that one." (Abu Dawud) On another occasion
> Aisha said,
> "By Allah, I saw the Messenger of Allah standing at the door of my
> house, while
> the Abyssinians were displaying their skill with spears in the courtyard
> of the
> Prophet's  masjid. He concealed me with his cloth so that I could see
> their play
> and he stood there for me until I [became tired and] left. So, be
> understanding
> of the young woman who is eager for entertainment." (Muslim) Here we can
> see
> that it was not the intention of Allah tokeep a woman in her house,
> hidden from
> any temptation to participate in physical exercise. In fact, it is one
> of the
> duties and responsibilities of the Muslim husband to spend quality time
> with his
> wife and to allow her to engage in permissible forms of recreation. It
> is really
> not right
> for a husband to go out to play a game while his wife remains tucked
> awayin the
> house with no one to talk to except a three-year-old.
>
>  Many brothers feel that the Islamic regulations concerning hijab forbid
> a woman
> to leave the house for recreation, but the above evidences seem to
> refute this
> position. In fact, when a woman wears hijab, she is  recognized as a
> Muslim
> woman and thus protected from being molested. And, the society is
> protected from
> the fitnah that would occur if she were not properly clothed. Husbands
> have to
> realize that women need exercise, just as much, if not more than they
> do. Men
> are often complaining about their> wives' weight, but as soon as a wife
> asksther
> husband to take her out for a walk so that she might lose some weight he
> says,
> "No, your place is in the home!" A Muslim husband must take his wife out
> on a
> regular basis for recreation. Some permissible types are as follows:
> Horseback
> riding, a trip to a country farm or park, a zoo, a museum, picnic (in a
> secluded
> place), a scenic drive, fishing, or boating. These are just a few of the
> many
> things that the Shari'ah has either encouraged or permitted. In all
> circumstances the woman should wear the proper hijab and seclusion
> should be
> sought. Even if others are around the woman, she may still enjoy herself
> within
> limits.
>
> May Allah guide the Muslim husbands and allow them to see the importance
> of this
> matter.
>
>  On Loan from Allah
>
> We know that everything we possess is on loan from Allah. He enables us
> to earn
> money through our work in this world. We do our best to use that money
> to
> provide for our families in the best way possible.
>
> The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said, "When a person spends
> upon his
> family, hoping for reward from Allah, then that spending is  counted (in
> his
> record of good deeds) as a charity." (Bukhari and Muslim)  Allah says,
> "Let the
> man of means spend according to his means, [as for]the man whose
> resources are
> limited, let him spend according to what  Allah has given him." [65:7]
>
>  Truth or Consequence
>
> Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, says, "'O you who believe! Why do you say
> that which
> you do not do? Most hateful it is in the sight of Allah that you say
> that which
> you do not do." [61:2-3]. There must be total agreement between our
> words and
> deeds. One should carry into effect  whatever he says, and when he has
> no
> intention of doing it, or lacks the means necessary to fulfill a
> promise, he
> should not say it.
>
>  We can see that Prophet Muhammed, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, was not
> typical
> for the men around him in many ways. We also know that his way was the
> best in
> the Sight of Allah. Allah wanted his life to be the  example we have to
> follow.
> We see others around us behaving in one way and we have the Sunnah as a
> contrasting example. We see families in turmoil, divorce becoming more
> common,
> children disinterested in Islam and our elders crying. We must all
> become active
> participants in the  ummah.
>
>  It is our responsibility to influence the world around us, not to
> succumb to
> its influence on us. We must strive everyday to emulate the perfect
> example
> Allah has given us. We must work harder to participate in our families'
> Islamic
> education, we must show our wives that we appreciate their efforts by
> helping
> them, and we must also encourage them to seek more knowledge about Islam
> in
> order to enrich our children with such an environment. We need to check
> our
> behavior when dealing with our wives. Are we really treating them in a
> kind and
> gentle manner? Do we always do what we say?
>
>  When the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said, "When a man
> marries he
> has completed half of his religion and he needs only fear Allah,
> subhanahu wa
> ta'ala, to complete the other half." (Mishkat), he was  reminding us
> that
> marriage is not separate from, but part of the deen. Therefore, all
> aspects of
> our marital relationship should follow the way of Islam.

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