I think you should let Gretchen go. You've done all you can to win her, but
she's not responding and only doing what she wants to do and living the way
she wants to live. I think we all agree.
Cecily
-----Original Message-----
From: The Electronic Church [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
Behalf Of Kathy Du Bois
Sent: Saturday, June 24, 2006 4:41 AM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: Your Opinion
Phil,
I've been thinking and praying about my answer for a
while. You know that I know that our situations are slightly
different. Gretchen is a girl and there are grand children
involved. I've always acknowledged that. However, it has been your
advice to me over the years that has given me the strength and
resolve to do, what I trulye believe is proving to be in the best
interest of Chris, hard as it is. I wish that you could go back over
some of the advice that you've given to me over the years and now
apply it to yourself in this situation.
You've asked before, on this list, our opinion about forcing
Gretchen to leave and, if memory serves me correctly, the majority
has seemed to be in favor of letting her go and face the full blast
of the consequences of the life she continues to choose to live. You
told me that Chris should not be allowed to run my house or allowed
to rob me of the tranquility that God wants to offer. Why do you
allow Gretchen to continue to rob you of yours?
Also, if it is wrong to live in sin, such as the way she is
choosing to live with her boy friend, by making it easier on her,
isn't that sort of like supporting her in her sin? Isn't that kind
of like sending a mixed message to her that you shouldn't do this,
but I love you too much to suffer the consequences, so I'll continue
to help you out? If you study the life of Judah and Israel, God,
the perfect parent, did eventually let go and make his children
suffer the consequences of their decisions. Israel never did recover
and even Judah only ended up with a remnant of it's former
self. Again and again, God says to his people, "you must be holy,
for I am holy," and "you must perge the evil from among you."
Greg and I have drawn a lot on the lessons of parenting from
God as He dealt with Judah and Israel. We continue to pray for Chris
and we continue to allow contact, but he knows that he is not welcome
home to live and he is really respecting us for it. There are a lot
of things that he has done, and choices he has made, that I don't
like. Things have happened to him that I don't like. It really hurt
to learn that almost everything we ever gave him over the years was
either trashed or stolen, but that is the result of his choices and,
eventually, I believe that he will see that fully.
I think that there is a reason why the prodigal left and
didn't do his blatant sinning in his father's home. He had to get to
the place where he couldn't blame anybody else any more. At home,
there's always someone to blame and there's always someone who will
give in to your foolishness, just one more time. In the world, you
begin to face the truth, which is, sin is cruel, but God is always near.
I know that you're still hoping that you can help
Gretchen. What good parent wouldn't? But, you may not be the direct
tool that God needs to use to help her see reality. I remember your
experience, when you had pneumonia when you said that God told you to
give Gretchen to Him. Have you really figured out what He meant by that
yet?
I know that I don't have answers, just my way of seeing
things. Bluntly, if it were me, I'd have her leave, for the sake of
the children. This has to be confusing for them as well, but that's
just me. Perhaps I'm too hard nosed. After all, my own prodigal
hasn't exactly come home and fallen on my neck in all out
repentance and offered to be a servant, so, perhaps I'm too tough
and your way is right. All I can say is, we have a peaceful home now
and I love it. Chris comes home for visits and he's on his best
behavior and we all love that even more. He never swears at me any
more and he is polite. We still don't trust him and he has earned
that, but he accepts that as a result of his past and present
behavior. He is still choosing to live in termoil, but we have been
removed from it and I thank God for that.
You've given me good advice, phil, and I thank you for
it. Please at least consider what I've said.
Kathy, a fellow, struggling parent
P.S.
In another post, you asked the question, "what is a friend?" I hope
that in this answer I have demonstrated to you what I believe a true
friend is. A true friend doesn't just slap the trite phrase, "I'm
praying for you," translated, "I pray that God rubber stamps your
will," on everything. A friend speaks up, when necessary, in love
and takes the risk that she will be shot back at with anger, because
truth is so important to both.
At 04:01 PM 6/23/2006, you wrote:
>So, if you had a daughter, who is attending drug rehab classes, working,
and
>trying to stay clean, yet she has an unsaved boyfriend with whom she often
>spends entire nights with and doesn't come home until morning to get ready
>for work, would you, and I have two questions here. First, would you allow
>her, at her age of 27 and since she is an adult with the right to live her
>own life the way she wishes, allow her to rent from you and live in your
>same house? Second, if you are a Christian and your ministry is nothing
but
>Christ centered, not to mention your whole life, consider that your
daughter
>is really trying and thus you should allow her to live as she wishes as
long
>as she pays rent? Just curious. You don't have to be a parent to answer.
>Keep in mind, this same person steels from you, and from others, takes
>things to the pong shop to get extra money, and comes to church but seems
>more to be playing the part than living what she believes. Her goal is to
>be clean, not Christian, in my opinion. So, now what do you think?
>
>Phil.
>
>
>Has He Ever Crossed Your Mind?
>www.SafePlaceFellowship.com
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