Maybe you could put a few cariokeys in too for the benefit of those who feel
it necessary to perform.

Vicki

----- Original Message -----
From: "Phil Scovell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, December 25, 2004 12:48 PM
Subject: The New Church


> After watching pro sports for much of my life fill stadiums with 50 to 80
> thousand fans and charging any where from 30 to 100 dollars each, and
> sometimes more, I am going to start a new church.  It will function much
> like a sports bar with huge TV screens scattered throughout the warehouse
> sized buildings.  On each screen will be a different television preacher
> doing his best to convince you that his message is true and soliciting
your
> offering.  Each TV star will have his own personal cheer leading team of
> half dressed young women attempting to attract people to his message.  In
> some cases, of course, it will be a woman preaching on the TV so there can
> be male cheer leaders then, too, if she wants.  There will be free
alcoholic
> drinks and lots of free food as well.  Such warehouse new age churches
will
> mushroom in popularity over night.  Waiters and waitresses will be
mingling
> throughout the crowd making certain everybody is happy.  Special people
> dressed in white clothing will circulate through the vast crowds of people
> with offering plates.  Once people are high, or well lubricated, they will
> be happy to turn their pockets inside out for Jesus.  We will have puppet
> shows for the kids going on in all four corners of the huge building and a
> couple of mass Choirs singing all the popular songs of the day and at
either
> end of the long building.  The new age Church warehouse buildings will be
so
> long, either choir won't be able to be heard by either group as they sing.
> The new age Church will be opened from Friday night till midnight on
Sunday
> night so the church goers will be a never ending group of worshippers
coming
> and going all weekend.  This will make it convenient for the Lord when
> ministering to people.  You see, Jesus won't have to be stuck trying to
get
> through to people during a couple of hours just on Sunday mornings.  There
> will be valet parking all over the area including shuttle bussing from
> multiple locations as much as 10 miles from the church building.  Clowns
and
> jugglers and fire eaters and others dressed in animal suits will also
mingle
> among the crowds offering one on one entertainment.  The weekend theme
will
> always be, Joy to the world.  It is time the church stop nickel and diming
> the poor and go after the big money and this new age Church will
accomplish
> all of that and more.
>
> Phil.
>