I don't know about the rest of you, but especially in
Christians circles I was told Ishould be thankfull for
my blindness, God had for some reason allowed it, and
there was a higher purpose for it, so I should not
express feelings of anger, or sadness.  By not
expressing these feelings, I was only living a
lie,"Rhonda is such a joy and an inspiration"
I figure it's almost like a grieving process.  If I
never express my sad feelings to God, or my anger, or
my regreet atbeing blind, He can not help me.  God is
surely bigger than allmy sad fellings, all my anger.
He is able to handle it, He is not made smaller
because I am honest with Him.
I know that everything in life has a purpose, there is
a higher plan, but sometimes because I can not see the
big picture I loose focus on that fact.
Sometimes people say cruel things, children are the
worst at saying something with out thinking.  When I
was small one of my eyes was drastically smaller than
the other.  When I was a baby they didn't develop
properly.  My Mom always told me to have the school
photographers take the picture from the left side,
where the normal eye was.  I used to feel so sad,
aren't mothers always the ones who think their
children are lovely, I elt ugly, due to no fualt of my
own.
I am sure we all have things we can remember that have
hurt us.  God can give us His perspective on these
past events, and if we listen... we soon learn our
impressions are not true, God does not make junk, and
as one of His creation I am beautiful and I am loved.
Now I have a prosthetic shell in my right eye so both
look the same size.  But more importantly, I have a
feeling of unconditional love from a Father who thinks
I am beautiful! just because I am His.

Rhonda
--- Phil Scovell <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>      Recently I was praying with a lady who is going
> through some
> unbelievable stressful things in her life.
> Everything seems
> impossible.  She is a Christian, lives alone, and is
> also blind.
>
>      Although we have prayed several times together,
> she went for
> a period of time not calling or asking to pray
> because she felt
> bad about not having anything to pay me.  Of course,
> I have never
> asked her for any money, because I make no financial
> requirements, and she knows that.  Yet she felt
> uncomfortable
> about it anyhow.
>
>      Circumstances have become so unreasonable and
> numerous and so
> complicated, it has created an attitude of
> hopelessness and
> impossibility at times for her.  When she described
> some of the
> situations to me, I pointed out these current
> experiences were
> acting as trigger points and tapping into the real
> woundedness
> that was causing the feelings now.  I explained how
> the current
> emotions were part of earlier events which had
> woundedness, or
> lies, implanted in them which needed to be exposed
> by the Lord and
> removed by hearing His Word.  Then, once those areas
> were
> eliminated, that is, the implanted lies, she would
> not react in
> the same way.
>
>      In this case, she experienced extreme and
> intense anger over
> something someone said in relationship to her
> blindness.  She said
> she could not understand how this current experience
> could have
> anything to do with something in the past and
> besides, she said,
> "I thought I was over those sorts of feelings
> related to my
> blindness anyhow."  so I used the following example
> to get her to
> see how, what had recently happened, caused such an
> unrestrained
> response.
>
>      Let's say, you have a lady that has been your
> best friend for
> years and this lady was sighted.  You did everything
> together.
> You went out to eat, you shopped together, she read
> your mail, ran
> errands for you, made bank deposits for you, wrote
> checks, dropped
> things off at the post office whenever you asked,
> and you just
> enjoyed each other as best friends.  Over the years,
> you actually
> become somewhat dependant on such a person because
> they can see
> and you were such good friends, you could trust her
> reading
> private mail, filling out applications, taking you
> to doctor's
> appointments, and many other personal things you
> would find more
> difficult with a person you just know, say from
> church or a family
> member, for example.
>
>      Over the years, this relationship becomes very
> strong and you
> both have become somewhat dependent upon each other
> because such
> is the nature of any friendship.  However, one day
> your friend
> unexpectedly dies.  This has, of course, a profound
> effect upon
> you in many ways.  First, because your best friend
> has suddenly
> died and your heart is filled with grief and sorrow.
> Additionally, all the things you used to try and get
> different
> people to do in assisting you, was being handled by
> your best
> friend for years, and now you suddenly have no help.
>  You are
> slammed hard back into the reality of your blindness
> due to your
> friend's sudden passing away.  Now, not only are you
> grieving the
> loss of your best friend, but you are back to square
> one and
> forced to call upon others to do the personal things
> that was so
> conveniently handled by your friend.  Things, which
> had
> disappeared, as far as problems, or what some prefer
> to call
> inconveniences, which were related to your
> blindness, are now back
> in full force and, in fact, it feels worse than ever
> before.  Why?
> By now we should be adjusted and matured in this
> area of life.
> After all, it has been this way most of your life.
> Right?  So why
> are you being so blind all of the sudden?
>
>      As the weeks and months pass, the frustration
> of trying to
> find others to assist in reading mail, running
> errands, and a
> dozen other things your friend used to always help
> do, becomes
> acute.  It was wonderful to have almost forgotten
> your blindness
> during those years.  Now, you seem to get mad
> easier.  Plus, you
> now realize just how much you hated shopping alone
> and depending
> on store clerks to help you decide what clothes to
> buy.  Your
> mail becomes a curse.  Writing checks, paying bills,
> and filling
> out forms, is driving you crazy because you just
> cannot find
> anybody that was as dependable as your friend.
> Occasionally, you
> respond a little too harshly, out of frustration,
> and once again,
> people are accusing you of being too sensitive.  Oh,
> how you wish
> your friend was still alive.  She never accused you
> of ever being
> too sensitive once.  The frustration of just living
> every day life
> as a blind person seems to become sharper, and more
> painful, the
> older you get.
>
>      Finally, one day, somebody crosses the line and
> makes a
> comment that always bothered you before as a blind
> person but one
> which you always handled with grace.  Somehow, this
> time, it
> feels like a violent attack and you lash out, losing
> your temper,
> and slamming down the phone, you sit and cry until
> you can't cry
> any more.  "If I just wasn't blind, I could do these
> things
> myself," is heard in your thoughts once again.   The
> loss of your
> friend is like a dam burst and your emotions are
> suddenly flooded
> to the breaking point.
>
>      Now, stop and let everything I just described,
> sink in.  If
> you aren't blind, you may not be able to identify
> with all I have
> suggested but you can grasp the concept.  If you are
> sighted,
> transfer that concept to your own personal life and
> look at it
> from wherever you are in life.  Perhaps you have
> some other
> disability.  Maybe you have lost a child or a
> husband or wife and
> the grief still returns again and again.  Perhaps
> you lost a
> business and now can't even live from paycheck to
> paycheck any
> longer.  Perhaps you are single and all your life
> you have desired
> someone with which to share your life.  It makes no
> difference how
> you relate to this story but I encourage you to put
> yourself into
> this hypothetical story in whatever way fits your
> own life and
> then continue reading.
>
>      In my illustrated story, a blind woman loses
> her best friend
> due to sudden death.  Now, the story instantly
> changes.  Her
> sighted friend isn't really dead any more.  There's
> no
>
=== message truncated ===





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