Joy comes in the morning... reminds me of "Trading My Sorrows" song. That
is a great song.

Brad



At 11:58 AM 1/2/2006 -0500, you wrote:
>Perhaps He too sees us as we play out the book of our lives, and wonders
>why we spend so much time on the woe is me chapter, if we would only
>continue on, we would find the Joy Comes In The Morning chapter.  Ah, the
>patience of our Father!!!
>
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Echurch-USA The Electronic Church
>[mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of MV
>Sent: Monday, January 02, 2006 10:56 AM
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: when someone you love is depressed!
>
>Good analogy, the table of contents. God must get bored yawning and filing
>his fingernails as we are down here... "Hey! Watch me do another
>summersalt" for the 100th time.
>
>Brad
>.
>
>
>At 10:33 PM 1/1/2006 -0500, you wrote:
> >I appreciate so much you sharing from your own life, thank you.
> >I have met some of those tough "can do it all by myself thank you very
> >much!" people, my goodness, but their stress level must be off the charts.
> >Life is a process, and it has different chapters just like a classic novel,
> >don't you wish we could jst go to the chapter we wanted by look in the
>table
> >of contents?  But think, of all we would miss learning, I am sure God was
> >just as surprised as I when He heard me say "Thank You, for all the trouble
> >we had in our marriage, for moving away to Pa, because if those things had
> >never happened, I would never have learned to value my relationship with
> >you, I would have never learned to value the man I call my husband, I would
> >have never learned what it means to forgive hurts, and be forgiven!!!
>Truly,
> >all things have worked out for good! Though I had serious doubts they ever
> >would.
> >
> >Rhonda
> >
> >-----Original Message-----
> >From: Echurch-USA The Electronic Church
> >[mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of MV
> >Sent: Sunday, January 01, 2006 7:15 PM
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: Re: when someone you love is depressed!
> >
> >Rhonda,
> >
> >I've been trying to keep up with email but fear I missed  some of this
> >thread. From what I did get to read Ben is having difficulty with
> >depression due to perhaps unworthiness and etc. due to the affects of
> >diabetes.   A fair warning, this is a bit of a long post so your choice to
> >continue, the delete button is the lower left hand corner of what is called
> >the "six pack" keys, or CTRL D in some programs lol. As I've mentioned
> >before, Ben is welcome anytime to contact me if nothing else to bend an
> >ear. Back in 1990  the affects of Retinitus Pigmentosa began to encroach my
> >life. I was in a family business with full  intentions on one day taking it
> >over. What kind of person was I? Well I wasn't a born again Christian back
> >then for sure. I was a very visual person, considered myself a very
> >independent person as well. I loved to drive here and there and was never
> >home. I once hopped in my pickup truck at a whim when I was like 18 or 19,
> >got up at 2:00 in the morning and drove 275 miles to Milwaukee for
> >something to do, picked up some Danish or some dumb thing like that, bummed
> >around a little bit, and headed back home. I was the guy  who if I
> >explained something to you, it was with a sketch pad often times. I very
> >much loved to look at  dusking skies and all their images I could see in
> >them. I could just sit in a public place and watch people, their reactions
> >and behaviors and wonder what they were about. I relied on my vision for
> >work, for eye contact without a word being said, it was so very important
> >to me. I was the type of person who knew what I knew, and what I knew no
> >one was talking me out of it. I was very secure, very independent, still
> >somewhat sensitive but not as much as now having  lived through a life
> >change. Was I happy? Yep, very easy going, not too vengeful, pretty
> >happy-go-lucky guy but as I said very secure in my own thoughts, decisions
> >and in dependency. I knew I was having vision issues for a few years but
> >yet maintained  my "wholeness" , that being independence and etc. I
> >remember our family business slowing down, I was going through a different
> >time of life and decided to leave it and get a job at a local factory. I
> >applied for the job, they informed me it was not a fun job, it wasn't a
> >likeable job, and that most people quit shortly after trying it. The job
> >was basically  two things. Service a large machine and when I wasn't going
> >to be doing that, I was to stand in a hot pit of sand and beat the slag off
> >of large cast parts that came fresh out of the cast molds. The sand was
> >there to help keep the area cool as the parts were extremely hot. Well,
> >they showed me the room in which this machine I was to service had filled
> >and it was basically  a large room with a large machine in it and one, only
> >one mind you, one bare light bulb dangling over the top of the large
> >machine. This machine was probably the size of a car for some reference
> >point.  I walked out of that room and told the guy there was no way I could
> >do that job due to vision problems I was experiencing in low lit areas. Of
> >course he laughed and thought I was giving him a line and basically said...
> >"I knew you would quit when you heard about the job". I even tried truck
> >driving for my father-in-law, full well knowing I had vision issues at
> >night, but felt I was safe to drive yet at that point. I found out
> >different when I nearly drove a rig carrying 48,000 pounds of cast steel
> >over an off-ramp. I had the wheels  up off the curb, cab bouncing around,
> >buzzers going off and with nothing but darkness in front of me and not
> >knowing which way to turn the wheel, yet knowing I had to turn the wheel, I
> >cranked it to the right and popped back on the ramp and stopped that thing
> >in a beaded sweat. I pulled off to the truck stop I was headed to and
> >waited until morning and finished the trip, delivered my load, made the
> >trip back home and quit. It was basically at that point I knew I needed to
> >see a doctor about my vision. He suggested I file for SSDI as I was less
> >than 10% radius in my vision. I remember asking myself. What now? How am I
> >going to provide for my family. We just were in the process of buying a
> >house, and our first brand new car, I had one kid about five and the
> >other  just about four. My wife had been working on and off, and also had
> >gone to cosmetology school along in there and was working at a JC Penny's I
> >believe. Nonetheless we didn't have the bucks to make ends meet. I had
> >unemployment benefits because it was winter time and I couldn't work back
> >in the family business if I wanted to,  and we waited for an answer from
> >Social Security. Meanwhile our bills piled up. I remember two legal sized
> >pads of bills. One was full the other half to three quarters. We still owed
> >for our daughter's birth, we had no insurance at the time, and my son's had
> >some minor complications but we did have insurance but yet a deductible to
> >meet and etc. I locked myself up in my room with my guitar and my first
> >computer for months on end. People would come to visit and I wouldn't even
> >come out of my little room/office. I wasn't happy, I was afraid, I felt I
> >was dependent upon others, I could still see to read and etc., but I
> >couldn't drive. I became Mister Mom as my wife continued to work and had
> >need to change her work for better pay and benefits I no longer carried.
> >Who was I now, is what I wondered. I was not happy, I saw no future, I
> >envisioned difficulty, I wondered what good was I to anyone, why live a
> >miserable worthless life? And yet in all of that I still  didn't realize
> >full well what blindness meant as I could still see for many day to day
> >tasks, I guess God knew I couldn't handle seeing the full picture, as it
> >were. .  Finally with interest in my new computer, and computers being on
> >the rise in homes, I decided I wanted to be a Micro Computer Specialist. I
> >checked into the education and etc. and then someone  in the blindness
> >fieled where I applied for a grant pointed out, "How are you going to do
> >your job when your vision gets worse?". I still didn't have a clue as to
> >the fact in my situation, visually I'd get worse. I then decided to attend
> >a blindness training program in Minnesota. This was one of the, if not ,
> >"the" best things I ever did to help myself in that area. I learned things
> >which although I had no use for them at the time such as cane travel,
> >Braille,  and etc., I would come to have them at my disposal when needed.
> >At this juncture I was lifting weights pretty vigorously trying to keep in
> >shape and was doing a pretty fair job of it actually. Oh, and to attend
> >this blindness training? I had to take up residency from Wisconsin to
> >Minnesota, and leave my young family six hours drive away from me for six
> >months. They came and visited, but I remember  being on my knees crying
> >like a baby leaning against a multi-colored couch in the apartment I was
> >staying in as they drove off for home. I knew my kids  didn't understand
> >why I needed to be gone, and my wife, as much as we had some issues with my
> >"situational depression" as I call it, and her soon to be diagnosed
> >"clinical depression", I knew she was quite broken up having to  drive home
> >without me. That was probably  the last one, of my bottom dips, in my
> >blindness. Yet at that time I knew I was ultimately on my way up as I was
> >very  confident in my new found training to help me live independently.
> >Since then I have successfully ran a vending business, twice in
> >fact,  having given it up once for a three year stint in Texas, where I did
> >not find work. I could have had one job but deemed it a bad deal for
> >various reasons I'll not elaborate on, and oh yes I did telemarketing for
> >two weeks, until I literally could no longer get myself to dial the phone
> >for condemnation in going against what I believed in. I do not like
> >telemarketers and here I was doing what I did not believe in, and in fact
> >it was a deceptive practice or guise in which we called so I gave it up
> >despite the $50 I made in two weeks lol. That tells you how good I was at
> >it.  Oh I did as well do some transcription for our church there as our
> >pastor was planning on embarking on a writing project and would use it as
> >the foundation.  I could have gone to school in Texas but for varying
> >reasons decided against it and soon after I felt God telling me to return
> >to vending, and in fact I was able to return to the very same route I
> >started in here in Wisconsin. Could I have had other options? Yes, but I
> >decided against them,  not because I couldn't do them.    I, now, am
> >praying and considering yet other options, but that is another story. The
> >point being, Kathy is right, we ought be afforded a time to grieve, we have
> >losses and yes we ought have time to grieve those losses. Should we stay
> >there an over extended time? No. Does it help to have someone else to talk
> >to at that time? I don't know, I didn't have anyone I knew that was in that
> >situation back then. I  had a blind uncle who did some things, but I wasn't
> >in contact with him much and to be honest for other reasons I didn't feel
> >he would make a very good role model. Looking back yes I would have
> >probably appreciated someone to bend an ear with that had gone through
> >such. I guess that is what I found at the blindness learning center, others
> >who were going through what I was, and others who had successfully  gone
> >through it and were managing their lives despite blindness. Those which had
> >a handle on life and themselves and got on with things. That was inspiring
> >to me. It is very natural for men especially, and now days a growing number
> >of women as they embark on their own careers and etc. to identify
> >themselves with what they do for a living. Without that we tend to feel as
> >though we are somehow less of a person. None of us chose to be blind, it
> >isn't something we did, or a lack of what we did that has put us  in that
> >juncture in life. We can choose however to let it roll over us or grab it
> >by the legs and toss it over and tie it like a roped calf. I certainly
> >didn't feel like doing that back in 1990 though. But I did after I saw the
> >potential I could be despite blindness. Ben has an absolute fantastic role
> >model of a successful blind person living right under his roof in his wife.
> >A woman of godly faith, faith in her husband who she is obviusly head over
> >heels in love with, is very personable, socially outgoing, not afraid to be
> >involved with  group activities, is attending college for crying out loud
> >as a non-traditional student" as they call us mature folks who return to
> >school, and has proven to be a supportive and loving mother. While  it is
> >true that a prophet has little honor in his own home town or family, as
> >Jesus said, that however does not mean reason for honor does not exist. And
> >it would do well for that town or family to see the example of success that
> >exists. I'll be honest, I appreciate and know the value of having a sighted
> >spouse, albeit I know I could manage without, and yet there are times I
> >know as well it would be much more comforting having a blind spouse knowing
> >that my spouse knows what I go through at times and could identify with me.
> >That I'll not have, just like I've not lived through or with what she has
> >to deal with or has dealt with. So life has it's trade offs doesn't it,
> >equally in balance, or not, much of that is dependent upon the situation at
> >hand rather than to be judged as a constant.  None of us are perfect.  I
> >know I have thoughts even today of "I wish I could just hop in a car and go
> >somewhere" or as I've said so many times through the years... "If I got my
> >sight back? I'd be gone for  a month straight just driving and traveling
> >this land taking it all in". The difference is now is that those thoughts
> >don't shut me down. Years ago I felt if I gave up on such thoughts, I'd be
> >giving up hope, I'd be giving up what and who I am, I'd be giving up a part
> >of me that I can't live without. And yet I felt if I hung on to them, I was
> >only torturing myself. I'd see others who said they accepted they would not
> >do this or that and I felt sad for them to have given up that hope and
> >accepted the acceptance. Yet I understood that it was for their own sanity,
> >or mental or emotional health, or perhaps energy spent on thinking of such
> >things that they felt need to give it up. I can't honestly say I've
> >accepted blindness with open arms and that I am thankful for it, because I
> >am not. I believe God has used it for my benefit, the benefit of my family
> >in ways I'd otherwise not have been concerning them, yet if not blinded I'd
> >have not been to them some unwanted things as well. But I look back on my
> >past with a great fondness and gratefulness that I can remember those
> >things I did see and experience. I'd take my sight back in a New York Light
> >Minute, if there is such a thing, and yet dwelling on that I know is
> >unproductive and will not allow me to be the independent and secure person
> >I am even now. Back in 1990 I would never have thought I could travel solo
> >across the country as a blind person, but I have and can. I remember back
> >in my blindness training days at the center, they somehow put me in as
> >student president, and it happened to be the open house of this new
> >facility we attended, or new to them, it was actually a prestigious and
> >historical place. But at the Open House as student body I had to make a
> >speech. I thought what in the world can I speak about. I mean I'm newly
> >blinded myself and dealing with things. I remember borrowing three
> >principles from Stephen Covey... now now now, don't go getting upety on me
> >cause I'm referring to a motivational and very likely new age speaker lol.
> >I later found these three principles in a person who had accomplished much
> >for blind people world-wide. The three principles were "Dependency, In
> >dependency and Interdependency". Not even knowing I was speaking the
> >similar principles of this blindness pioneer, I  thought this was a new
> >mental or emotional technology if you will. And so I suppose spoke with
> >that mind set, as if I were telling them something new, and to some perhaps
> >it was new. That being dependency was just that, being solely dependent
> >upon others. Independent, being solely dependent upon oneself. And then
> >Interdependent, that of being secure in one's self enough to "choose" to be
> >dependent upon others to make the best of our life or situation.  Speaking
> >aside from our spiritual walk here as I think we'd all agree we are totally
> >dependent upon God for our very breath we take. But, we do have three
> >choices.  We  can choose to allow ourselves to be dependent upon others for
> >our daily  life tasks, decisions, and activities. Or we can choose to be
> >pig headed about things and choose to be independent at any rediculous
> >cost, to do it  ourselves no matter how much time, resources, money and
> >etc. it might take. No matter if it is in our best interest or not, but we
> >dad-gummit are going to do it ourselves. Or we can choose to recognize that
> >yes, we can do it ourselves, but wouldn't it be to our benefit to solicit
> >someone's help right about now. And perhaps allow more time to do something
> >else, or even help someone else with something they need help with. That is
> >where we need to live in regards to blindness. To know we can do something
> >if we really choose to. Even if we've never done it before, haven't a clue
> >of how we could do it, but just being secure and sure we could do it if
> >push come to shove and we really wanted or needed to, and then be secure
> >enough to say "Hey, got a minute to lend a hand with this?" I've been
> >around those who are dependent and it isn't pretty, it solicits pity,
> >sorrowful feelings, sympathy, and the need for others to feel as though
> >they are somehow responsible for any given situation or need while in the
> >presence of that blind person, when they in fact are not. It isn't the
> >blindness however that creates this dependency but our reaction to it in
> >the sight of others. Yes there are times there are those who treat us as
> >such initially, but that is in fact their own issue and likely their own
> >insecurities coming out strange as it might sound, it is true.  I've also
> >been around those who have been rudely dependent and it is an ugly scene.
> >Leaving sour faces on those innocently just being friendly or  yes  perhaps
> >a bit misinformed  to the abilities of blind folks, perhaps due to
> >the  person they met last week who chose to be totally dependent on others
> >and extracted help in such a way that left the sighted person feeling as
> >though all blind folks are this way. I've also seen interdependent folks
> >who blend in socially. They seem to just blend in fine, sometimes there is
> >a time of adjustment, but once people get to know people, things work out.
> >Much is dependent upon how we portray ourselves, our posture, our body
> >language, our  willingness to initiate conversation and our sureness of
> >travel and etc. People pick up on these things by watching us from across
> >the room, just as they might anyone else, albeit we are much more the
> >target carrying a cane or using a guide dog. Do we live interdependently
> >24/7/365? I wish, but I find myself at times not, but no different than
> >sighted people. I've been in cars where we were going in circles trying to
> >find a place when in fact if they'd have listened to me and asked
> >directions at the first convenience store , we'd have been there already.
> >We just need to get over our own sensitivity to our own blindness thinking
> >that because we happen to choose to get help in some very evident areas,
> >that equally but in different ways even sighted folks will do this without
> >regard at times, or perhaps only after their pride is broken down and they
> >finally get mad and then go ask for directions. Am I dependent? Could I
> >live on my own as a blind person? Yes, do I choose to? Well know I was
> >married before I became blind, but I did in fact have to examine my
> >relationship during some marital problems years back to ensure I wasn't
> >staying in  it for the wrong reasons. I wasn't. Lastly here, I began this
> >process of blindness without God, and am finishing it with God when my day
> >to leave this earth arrives, and I'll have had the strength of god and I
> >prefer the latter. But again, that doesn't differ from any other born again
> >Christian looking back at his life does it.
> >
> >Brad
>
>Brad
>
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Brad

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