THE CLICK HERE BLUES


I'm feeling so low; I can look up at my shoes.

  > My sanity, Babe, I'm about to lose.
  > You want to know why? I'll give you the news.
  > Baby, I done got the "click here" blues.
  > I had me a problem with my student loan.
  > I needed some help, so I picked up the phone.
  > I spent maybe four or five minutes on hold,
  > While the tape about the company's website told.
  > It kept saying "go to our website."
  > We can sure help you there.
  > You'll get the fastest service you can find anywhere.
  > Go to WWW; click here; log in.
  > It's easy and fast and besides, its in.
  > But I wanted a human being to help me with this.
  > I don't want some fancy website; I don't need all this.
  > Please let me talk to someone
  > You know what I mean?
  > I want to work with a human;
  > I don't want no machine.
  > So I sat me on hold for twenty minutes more.
  > Then, I finally got a human; darn near fell on the floor.
  > But when I tried to tell her what my problem was,
  > She said to me so sweetly,
  > That's what our website does.
  > We can't help you here.
  > You need to go online.
  > It's the in thing to do Dear.
  > And it sure works fine.
  > So, here's a password for you.
  > Have a wonderful day.
  > Then she hung up on me;
  > There was nothing more I could say.
  > So, I went up to their website.
  > There were "click heres" everywhere.
  > Edit and combo boxes ;
  > and I was pulling out my hair.
  > The password's not a word at all;
  > It's a combo I can't believe.
  > And I have to type it a certain way;
  > Or the site will tell me to leave.
  > I threw away my computer and I went to Woody's Bar.
  > I wanted me a strong drink, but I didn't get that far.
  > At each place on the bar, right where I'd set a beer,
  > There were computer monitors which said,
  > Would you like a Miller?  Click here.
  > So I just turned around and went home again.
  > It was about half past five.
  > My wife was fixing dinner.
  > Company was about to arrive.
  > Then she said, "Come see our new microwave."
  > "It's on the counter over here."
  > "You don't need a timer to cook things in it."
  > "You just point to what you want and click here."
  > I done lost my mind.
  > And they put me away.
  > Out here on the funny farm.
  > Been here sinse last Friday.
  > But I ain't getting much rest.
  > Why is perfectly clear.
  > When I went to lunch they told me,
  > Just take what you want, then click here.
  > I can't believe we've come to this.
  > Where are the humans? Where?
  > There's no one around to help you anymore.
  > You're just told to click here or click there.
  > And when you complain or rave, it don't do you any good.
  > They just keep saying "click here;" "click here." It's like they're made
  > of
  > wood.
  > I sure hope the afterlife is nothing like this space.
  > I hope it's nice and simple with no click heres all over the place. But I
  > can just imagine how it will be at the pearly gates as I draw near. I'll
  > probably see some sign that says, Want to come in? Click here.  


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