Pat,
It sure was good to visit. Was like we lived across the street and popped
in for a visit. Regarding your mom and comments. I'm very familiar with how
drink can change people, even when they are not immediately under the
influence. They have a way of manipulating people around them to
accommodate their irrational behavior and thinking caused by the addiction.
That and the fact you put Christ before things in your life probably
doesn't sit well with her either by conviction through her recognition of
that lack in her own belief, or out of her true disbelief and then
irritation of your need to rely on Christ. It can be difficult to have
people say "unloving" things, and all one can do is to change how we see
such things. As Helen said, we cannot change other people. But we can
change, with Christ, our view on such occurrences. One way is to perhaps
look at your residual need for her approval and love from your childhood
rejection you felt. Squaring this up with Christ's help will cause those
fiery darts of words and hurt to roll off with less impact. They may still
hit you but they will not puncture your heart but rather shielded . Part of
that is done through God's wisdom and insight on what is really causing the
darts to be thrown in the first place. More than likely it is a
malnutritioned self-esteem on mom's part, or her feeling poorly as to not
knowing how to care for a blind child and now feeling guilty after seeing
you turned out just fine, and perhaps your lovings, remind her that she
failed in some way? As well, remember Christ said he didn't come to join
people up, but rather separate them. Of course not as a destructive intent
but rather to gather them up to himself, and separate them from the world,
and by default there will be those who choose to stay in the world and
therefore are separated, which is what Jesus was referring to. Seeing the
situation for what it really is instead of taking it personally as if you
have done something wrong, as well continuing to pray for your mom seems to
be a biblical and godly response to at least start with. First stop the
arrows from penetrating your heart by putting up God's shield, and then go
after the source of the darts through prayer and witness.
Brad
Pat Ferguson wrote:
>Dear Loving EChurch Family,
>
>First of all, I want you all to know that I'm praying for all your prayer
>requests, no matter what they are.
>
>I'm Praising God that on Saturday night, we had the neatest surprise! our
>door bell rang, I went to answer the door, and I said "Who is it?" The next
>thing I heard was: "It's Brad Duns from EChurch." I was so surprised! I
>opened the door and let them in, and I gave them both a big squeeze! Yes,
>it was the Loving Brad and Brenda Duns! I was so surprised, and so very
>happy to see them! We had a wonderful visit with them and I took some
>pictures of them, and Vernon took one of the 3 of us.
>
>Brad is just as we all know him! You know he's funny and sweet and loving!
>Yes, Brenda is a real sweetheart! I love her a bunch! Next time they will
>stay with us!
>
>Vernon likes them a lot, too! I'm Praising God they came to see us!
>
>Now for my few prayer requests.
>
>Please pray for Vernon's Sister-in-law's, Aunt Mary. She has cancer of the
>colon and it has spread to her liver and other places. They didn't get it
>all during the surgery, but they did remove her intestine and they told her
>she would have 2 years of quality life. Only God knows, and I pray for a
>complete healing for this loving lady. She is 86 years old. So far, she's
>doing great, and eating everything. Please pray that if she has chemo and
>radiation, that she will do okay with that, and have no problems. Please
>pray that she can stay in the same house that Vernon stayed in, so she'll
>be close to the hospital for her treatments in Mitchell. Betty, Dean's wife
>and the rest of Betty's family are very close to her. They have been taking
>her back and forth to the doctor.
>
>My next prayer request is about my Mom's and my relationship. Actually, it
>could include most of my family.
>
>You all know, unfortunately what rejection is like. I feel as though I've
>been rejected by my Mom and she'll see to it that everyone in my family is
>on her side. I'm very hurt about what I'm about to tell you.
>
>I called her Saturday night, before Brad and Brenda came, and I said the
>usual "Hi! Loving!" She said hi and then she said. "You know what Pat! I'm
>really getting tired of this loving stuff. Every Other word is 'loving'." I
>told her that's not true. I couldn't believe what I was hearing from her.
>She wasn't drinking, either. She said it in a really crabby voice which is
>so much like her when she's not drinking.
>
>I lashed out, and I told her that Harvey and Joe don't mind it, but
>Sherilyn, Birdie and her don't like it. I also told her that all my friends
>love me for who I am and that they love me unconditionally. I told her my
>friends love me more than my entire family loves me. Of course, she denied
>it. I started crying and I was really upset.
>
>We continued to talk about other things, but I was upset and didn't want to
>talk to her any more. I ended the conversation and told her that I loved
>her and hung up.
>
>I called her on Sunday afternoon and left a message on her answering
>machine and I apologized for the things I said. I've not heard from her at
>all. In other words, she has not acknowledged my apology at all.
>
>I'm not going to call her for a long time.
>
>I did ask for God's forgiveness for what I said to her. I should have
>worded it different.
>
>I'm so tired of rejection from my family. I actually thought things were
>getting better, but it's obvious that they only put up with me because they
>feel they have to. I do all the calling, and they never call me very often.
>I doubt they will even call me on my birthday.
>
>Please pray that I can deal with this rejection and that she doesn't turn
>the whole family against me. I think she'll probably do that.
>
>Thanks much for your prayers and for listening. All your advice is
>appreciated. I could write a book about this stuff, but I don't think you
>want to hear it.
>
>I love you all so very much. Thanks for always putting up with me and for
>being my friends.
>
>Love and Blessings,
>Pat Ferguson
Brad
Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back
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