John,
those are keepers. lol.
Thanks so much for sharing them.
Blessings,
Pat Ferguson
At 12:50 PM 8/26/2011, you wrote:
>Here are some jokes. Some I have heard before.
>
>text of forwarded message follows:
>
>>~~~
>> The Pastor vs The Choir Director
>>
>> There was a feud between the Pastor
>> and the Choir Director of the Hicksville
>> Southern Baptist Church.. It seems the first
>> hint of trouble came when the Pastor preached
>> on 'Dedicating Yourselves to Service' and the
>> Choir Director chose to sing: 'I Shall Not Be
>> Moved'. Trying to believe it was a
>> coincidence, the Pastor put the incident behind him.
>>
>> The next Sunday he preached on
>> 'Giving.' Afterwards, the choir squirmed as
>> the director led them in the hymn: 'Jesus Paid
>> It All'. By this time, the Pastor was losing his temper.
>>
>> Sunday morning attendance swelled as
>> the tension between the two built. A large
>> crowd showed up the next week to hear his
>> sermon on 'The Sin of Gossiping.' Would you
>> believe the Choir Director selected the song: 'I Love T o Tell The Story'.
>>
>> There was no turning back. The
>> following week the Pastor told the
>> congregation that unless something changed, he
>> was considering resignation. The entire church
>> gasped when the Choir Director led them in: 'Why Not Tonight'?
>>
>> Truthfully, no one was surprised when
>> the Pastor resigned a week later, explaining
>> that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was
>> leading him away. The Choir Director could not
>> resist: 'What A Friend We Have In Jesus.'
>>
>> JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH
>>
>> Attending a wedding
>> for the first time, a little girl whispered to
>> her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?''
>> The mother replied,
>> 'Because white is the color of happiness, and
>> today is the happiest day of her life.'
>> The child thought
>> about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'
>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>> A little girl,
>> dressed in her Sunday best, was running as
>> fast as she could, trying not to be late for
>> Bible class. As she ran she prayed, 'Dear
>> Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!'
>> While she was
>> running and praying, she tripped on a curb and
>> fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing
>> her dress. She got up, brushed herself off,
>> and started running again! As she ran she once
>> again began to pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't
>> let me be late...But please don't shove me either!'
>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>> Three boys are in
>> the school yard bragging about their fathers.
>> The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few
>> words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.'
>> The second boy says,
>> 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words
>> on piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $100.'
>> The third boy says,
>> 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few
>> words on a piece of paper, he calls it a
>> sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'
>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>> An elderly woman
>> died last month. Having never married, she
>> requested no male pallbearers. In her
>> handwritten instructions for her memorial
>> service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out
>> while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>> A police recruit was
>> asked during the exam, 'What would you do if
>> you had to arrest your own mother?' He answered, 'Call for backup.'
>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>> A Sunday school
>> teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary
>> took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small
>> child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.'
>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>> A Sunday school
>> teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
>> with her five and six year olds. After
>> explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy
>> father and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a
>> commandment that teaches us how to treat our
>> brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat,
>> one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>> At Sunday School
>> they were teaching how God created everything,
>> including human beings.. Little Johnny seemed
>> especially intent when they told him how Eve
>> was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
>> Later in the week
>> his mother noticed him lying down as though he
>> was ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is the
>> matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain
>> in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'
>> ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
>>
>> Two boys were
>> walking home from Sunday school after hearing
>> a strong preaching on the devil. One said to
>> the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?'
>> The other boy
>> replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus
>> turned out. It's probably just your Dad.'
>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>> You don't stop
>> laughing because you grow old. You grow old
>> because you stop laughing! Take heed and pass
>> these along to people who need a laugh. I
>> thought you would enjoy this....times are
>> tough right now...for all of us....so we need
>> something to make the day a happy place.
>> 'They' haven't found a way to tax you for laughing yet.
>>
>>In our neck of the woods in Silver Springs,
>>Florida Partly Cloudy, 75°F Wind:NNW-330° at 9mph
>>Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
>>Anna
>text of forwarded message ends:
>
>John
>Currently in Ocala, Florida Partly Cloudy, 91°F
>Wind:WNW-290° at 12mph gusting to 20mph
>Bald Guys never have a bad hair day.
>Created by Weather Signature v1.33 • http://www.weathersig.com
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