Expanding Your Circle of  Friends, by Rubel Shelly

More and more of us appear to have fewer and fewer people in our lives
that we would consider friends. And lest the word friend be left too
ambiguous, let a friend be defined as someone with whom you have
confided matters that are truly important to you within the past six
months.

In the June issue of the American Sociological Review, researchers cite
evidence that Americans have a third fewer close friends than just a
couple of decades ago. More disturbing still, the data seem to indicate
that the number of us who have nobody to count as a close personal
friend has more than doubled.

The findings hold for both males and females. They are consistent for
people of all races, ages, and educational levels. Even within
families, the degree of intimacy has diminished considerably. All this
information can't be good news, for it translates into people who feel
lonelier and more isolated than ever.

Emotionally healthy people form meaningful ties with other human
beings. They don't just exchange information but share personal things.
They talk about likes and dislikes, their joys and fears. They extend
themselves to help others and know how to accept assistance when they
get in over their heads. When they have important decisions to make,
they get insight and support from their friends.

The issue here is priorities.

Everybody needs a handful of people with whom to connect in these
intimate ways. Nobody is smart enough, strong enough, or competent
enough to negotiate something as complicated as this human adventure
called life alone. John Donne protested the idea that men and women
could function in splendid isolation from one another. "No man is an
island, entire of itself," he wrote.

I know. You're busy! So is everybody else -- including the people who
are healthy enough to have emotional ties. You don't have time for the
obligations in your life already? I understand that excuse, too. But
the issue here is priorities. Which is more important? Playing computer
games or having a friend? Getting a bigger house or loving (and being
loved by) the people in the house you have now? Making extra cash or
having a real life?

The same research shows not only that people have fewer friends these
days but also that more and more of us are feeling the need for them.
With the circle drawn so tiny, people are feeling lonely. Everybody
needs people to count on.

If you are one of those people in need of friends, the best advice I
can give you is this: Don't go looking to find friends but to be one to
somebody else. Would you care to guess what dividend is returned on
such an investment?

   The Lord's servants must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone (2
   Timothy 2:24 NLT).


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