After watching pro sports for much of my life fill stadiums with 50 to 80
thousand fans and charging any where from 30 to 100 dollars each, and
sometimes more, I am going to start a new church.  It will function much
like a sports bar with huge TV screens scattered throughout the warehouse
sized buildings.  On each screen will be a different television preacher
doing his best to convince you that his message is true and soliciting your
offering.  Each TV star will have his own personal cheer leading team of
half dressed young women attempting to attract people to his message.  In
some cases, of course, it will be a woman preaching on the TV so there can
be male cheer leaders then, too, if she wants.  There will be free alcoholic
drinks and lots of free food as well.  Such warehouse new age churches will
mushroom in popularity over night.  Waiters and waitresses will be mingling
throughout the crowd making certain everybody is happy.  Special people
dressed in white clothing will circulate through the vast crowds of people
with offering plates.  Once people are high, or well lubricated, they will
be happy to turn their pockets inside out for Jesus.  We will have puppet
shows for the kids going on in all four corners of the huge building and a
couple of mass Choirs singing all the popular songs of the day and at either
end of the long building.  The new age Church warehouse buildings will be so
long, either choir won't be able to be heard by either group as they sing.
The new age Church will be opened from Friday night till midnight on Sunday
night so the church goers will be a never ending group of worshippers coming
and going all weekend.  This will make it convenient for the Lord when
ministering to people.  You see, Jesus won't have to be stuck trying to get
through to people during a couple of hours just on Sunday mornings.  There
will be valet parking all over the area including shuttle bussing from
multiple locations as much as 10 miles from the church building.  Clowns and
jugglers and fire eaters and others dressed in animal suits will also mingle
among the crowds offering one on one entertainment.  The weekend theme will
always be, Joy to the world.  It is time the church stop nickel and diming
the poor and go after the big money and this new age Church will accomplish
all of that and more.

Phil.