Trish writes, "... but she trys so hard, is so normal looking - the teacher
keep saying she just isn't trying hard  enough and needs to get organized."

I can't believe the state of affairs (school system) is so ill-managed!  I've
got 20 years on your daughter, but it seems we are living similar lives.  I
too was called "mild" by doctors.  I always wondered what the heck that
meant.  I had 8 operations, did PT for 16 years and wore braces night and day
for most of those 16 years.  I walked unassisted, but of course have the
herky-jerky standard cp gait.  My right hand, is marginally smaller than the
left and less functional, but because sitting down you wouldn't ever guess I
had cp, it was as if I couldn't possibly have been having problems.  I know I
shouldn't complain.  I'm glad most of my life my problems were "mild"
Honestly up until age 25 or so, cp didn't really stop me from doing much of
anything.  It's only in the past nine years or so has cp really interfered
and made me feel disabled.

Twenty-five years ago mandated special-ed was brand new.  It had only been in
effect at my elementary school for one year.  They didn't have anything to
offer but what I feel was a "holding pen" for children with every type
disability imaginable.  Since I was so "normal" and like your daughter
"gifted" they moved me out of special-ed and skipped me a grade ahead in
"regular" school.  The big problem was my teachers had no clue about what to
do with a disabled child.

Amber sounds like she might also fall into the syndrome I lived, being a
"people pleaser."  I was and tried to please my teacher by perfecting my
handwriting.  I practiced for hours on end, brought home the chalk notebook,
filled reams of lined paper trying to improve.  My right hand would cramp up
into what I now affectionately call, "The Claw" and I had real trouble
holding a pen or pencil.  Granted, I was only in third grade at the time, but
the teacher left a lasting impression on me.  Up till that point I'd never
used my disability as an excuse.  That is to say, I never said, "I can't do
this," because honestly I didn't see myself as disabled.  When I finally got
enough nerve to tell the teacher my writing was so poor because I physically
had trouble holding the pencil, (and she had been the one to give me the
aides to practice with) she said, "Come now Denise.  I think you are just
being lazy and aren't trying hard enough."  Because of this one statment, for
the rest of school, right up through college, I never again brought up my cp.
 I just struggled along in silence because I was certain everyone would think
I was just being lazy.

It really upsets me to think a teacher today, who should know better in a
more "enlightened education system" would fall back to the dark ages and say
that to a child!!   I carried this around with me for MANY years.  It took me
a long time to shake the feeling I was just being lazy.  I hope you can
relate this story to Amber.  Tell her I understand how crappy and mad, one
ignorant teacher's comment can make you feel.

My dad also split when I was a kid, and like you, my mom worked three jobs.
(See, I told you we had quite similair situations)  Anyway, my mother was
unstable and didn't have much time for us.  No blame, just how it was.  I
think Amber should fair quite well because you are so involved with her life.
 I was just kinda out there fending for myself with these issues.  You seem
to be Amber's Advocate.  I'm glad she has you in her corner!

OH!  Also tell Amber not to feel so responsible for any lack of progress in
PT.  I've mentioned this before, but feel it is worth mentioning again.  In
all those years I did PT, I had the false promise that if I just worked hard
enough, I could over-come the cp and finally be "normal."  This of course was
not the case.  I think it was an illusionary hope of my mom which was fueled
by the PT's.  Perhaps they were just trying to encourage me, but the
responsiblity for lack of progress fell to me.  I felt I'd failed to try hard
enough at PT since I never did come close to "normal."  I'm certain you have
this under control.  As long as Amber understands all the work and discomfort
of PT is only to keep the mobility and use she has with the hope of perhaps
marginal improvement, there won't be the tremendous let-down later.  If she
is doing all of this under the false impression she will be "cured" it can
lead to some really bad feelings down the line.  - Well enough spouting off!
Take Care, Be Well and Good Luck!  - Denise.


Take Care, Be Well; Denise.