Hi everyone:
At 01:11 AM 11/26/99 -0500, Jonathan Rafael Alexander wrote:
> What does this have to do with my disability? Well let me get to
> that right
>now. Every time I have gone out and done something with a woman I am
>interested
>in I do it in a fishbowl, my family sees everything and after the woman leaves
>they critique how I act and how I dress. I don't drive for physical reasons so
>my parents and sisters see everything in the beginning. Then they take me
>aside
>and give me the Ken doll treatment as well as well as my mother giving me
>speeches on things I need to make an effort not to do. To be honest its all
>getting very sickening.
> I date older women and am 27 and the woman I am dating is 35.
I'm no expert on dating, but ummm.....subtract 27 from 35 and look at what
you have for the age difference. It's pretty big if you ask me.
>Every time I got around my parents I felt like a teenager in the forties
>going out on a porch
>date. It did not feel like a date I feel like I am being watched all the
>time. Its like me and the woman I am with have not time to just be a couple
Given the age difference, I just don't see how that is possible, but that's
JMHO.....
> So my solution to this problem has been to give my parents short answers
>about the nature of the relationship all together. The less I say the less
>unsolicited authoritative advice I am going to get. They have asked how the
>meeting went I am just going to say OK nothing else. I still live with my
>parents due to the physical problems I have. My three sisters and my parents
>have always been there in the beginning of every relationship I have. Its hard
>for me to just be myself if they constantly treat me like a Ken doll and
>tell me
>how to act. Can you give me some advice here?
Yeah!!!
GET A PLACE OF YOUR OWN!!! You're old enough (and you're obviously mature
enough or this woman wouldn't be giving you the time of day, let alone want
to have a relationship with you)!!! Is there some reason (aside from your
physical "problems" that you claim to have) that you can't move out on your
own??? There are people with all kinds of disabilities in addition to
Cerebral Palsy on this list!!! Who knows, there may just be someone who
lives in your neck of the woods (speaking of which, where *is* that
geographically speaking??).
Additionally, while this doesn't apply to dating, but I can relate to the
"doll" treatment from your able-bodies siblings. My brothers can never
understand why I'm online so much or why I'm spending so much $$ on the
Internet when, according to them, I can spend it on "more constructive
things" such as clothes and/or food. They treat the computers the same way.
Having a voice mailbox doesn't matter. It's not good enough for
them!!! So I've gotten to the point where I say "I'll get back to you
LATER...." in a somewhat non-chalant way.
Also, whenever I visit my brother's place, I'm given the "doll" treatment
there too. If I don't look clean shaven enough, my brother pulls me to the
side and "fixes things" with his fancy new shaver. I can relate because it
makes me feel like a little kid and my brother is like my FATHER
instead. It's really embarrassing in a way.
So far they haven't given me the "doll" treatment when it comes to meeting
friends (YET!!), but I suspect that'll come in due time as well as I'm
single AND I live ON MY OWN!!!
But moving out will be a HUGE plus for you!!! On top of that, should you
and this woman you're dating decide to pursue a relationship despite the
age difference, at least you won't have to worry about such things like CURFEW.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you're definately NOT alone!!!
Happy Holidays...Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving!!! :-)
Patrick Cook
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Denver, Colorado
http://home.talkcity.com/MinivanAve/patrick32/
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