Give Kids A Chance
by Tim Jordan, M.D.

Are you aware that the most under used, wasted natural resource in this
country is not the elderly, or parents, or any minority group. It is our
children. So many great ideas, so much energy, so much boundless idealism.
So much limitless potential. Why don't we enlist our children's help more
often?
Much of the answer lies in some old beliefs we have about children that we
haven't let go of yet. Beliefs like children should be seen and not heard.
Beliefs that say that kids are just lumps of clay that we need to mold,
inferring that they don't have a spirit and a purpose of their own. Beliefs
whereby parents say that there is only one way to do things in this world,
and that's the right way, which is naturally my way! It wasn't really until
the late 60's and early 70's that professionals like Dr. T. Berry Brazelton
convinced us that infants could not only see and hear but also actively
elicit responses in their parents. So our limited and limiting understanding
of children's emotions and capabilities is, in a sense, in it's infancy.
So many times our kids are the last person we turn to for help, information,
or support. For instance, a friend of mine called me last year from Detroit
for some advice. At her son's high school there had been some fights between
white and Africa-American students, creating some fairly intense racial
tension. This friend wanted some help in creating a retreat for the teens
that would bring both sides together to do some conflict resolution and
community building. My first question to her was, "How have you involved the
teens in creating this retreat?" There was a pause from the other end, then
a guilt-ridden "we haven't at all, yet." Well, after our conversation, she
created a team comprised mostly of students to organize and brainstorm this
retreat, which turned out to be incredibly successful. But just think of the
opportunity for growth for the students that would have been so carelessly
missed for the simple reason that we don't value our children's input and
contributions. And, therefore, from a child's perspective, we don't value
them.
Several years ago a 13 year old baby-sitter, Melody, who was an only child
living with older parents used to hang around our house alot. One day my
wife, Anne, asked her if she could help balance our checkbook. Well, you
would have thought she had been given a million dollars. Anne showed her how
and for the next year Melody would come up to our house once a month and
tackle the Jordan's checkbook. And the look on her face when she left our
house was worth a thousand words. Happy, proud, valuable, responsible.
Something as simple as balancing a checkbook can bring a tremendous sense of
satisfaction and a sense of "I'm contributing something worthwhile" to a
child.
So become aware of all the endless ways that kids could be valuable to us
and their community. Volunteering at a preschool; serving meals at a
homeless shelter; picking up litter in your neighborhood; saving up money
together as a family for some philanthropic purpose; doing some yard work
for grandma and grandpa; asking their ideas or opinion about a problem you
are working on. There are large and small opportunities everyday to give
kids a chance to be valuable, contributing members of society. And not only
does the family and community benefit, but the kids benefit tenfold as well.
There is no better way to support kids in feeling good about themselves than
to help them be of service to others. Someone once said that you reap what
you sow. If kids are getting out of themselves and sowing love and service,
then they will reap feelings of love and peace and fullness. In this day and
age of so many questions about teen anger, teen violence, teen pregnancies,
and teen suicides, perhaps the best answers lie with the kids and teens
themselves. Let's give kids a chance!

With his wife, Anne Jordan, R.N., Dr. Jordan ownes and runs the Children &
Families, Inc. <candf.html> of St. Louis out of which he operates his
private practice, in addition to teaching and training instructors for
numerous courses including, Redirecting Children's Behavior (RCB);
Redirecting for Cooperative Classrooms (RCC), a six week course for
teachers; Kids Camp and Teens Camp <kidscamp.html>, a summer camp that
encourages leadership, self responsibility, and high self-esteem. Children
and Families, Inc. is here to teach and support you in new ways of growing.
A wide variety of courses is offered by Children and Families, Inc.,
including the areas of parenting, personal growth, marriage enhancement and
self-esteem camps <kidscamp.html> for children and teens.

INCAF Certified Instructors teach the Redirecting Children's Behavior course
year-round at schools, churches, and community centers throughout the United
States and the world. If you or your organization are interested in
scheduling a class, talk, or training session, you can contact your local
certified Instructor  <experts.html>, fill out our handy on-line Information
Request Form <form1.html>, or call toll free 1-800-257-9002.