Denise,
Thank you for noticing and reinforcing my positions. My silence regarding
your and other earlier posts comes not without attempts to complete several
drafts. (Even this has been reformatted and rewritten because a previous
program permitted me to delete several paragraphs.) I responded immediately
to Vince because he is new to the list and asked for help in an area about
which I am informed and that he may find useful.
Like you I hope he determines to maintain his residency. Whether and how he
uses the non-discrimination laws is really up to him. My succinct purpose
was to let him know he had clout and didn't need to leave his chosen
dwelling.
What pleases me, candidly, is how you mined and used the information I
conveyed. Not alone the clarity of your writing, the toughness and sense of
rightfulness in your thinking, knowing and declaring the moral imperative,
grasping the power, intent, and use of law, taking a clear stand, and
seeing the shift in ground and direction that comes from declaration and
purpose--these are the moments when you let me know how vast and diverse you
are, how carefully you read and evaluate, and how capable you are of
accomplishment on the page and in the world.
To the "bizarre." I but completely agree with your limning "Patriarch
Privilege," a phenomenon I began to notice about thirty-three or -four years
ago when I leased my first apartment in a HUD subsidised building for the
elderly. That whole effort is an interesting tale of legal loopholes and
learning to make the system work. As with Vince, my elderly neighbors were
not pleased with a non-elderly disabled single male living with them. We're
talking mid 1960's, lots of social upheaval, too few disabled persons seen
and succeeding in the world, our movement just getting its legs and wheels,
no protected class status.
Elderly people did not and still don't see non-elderly disabled people as
allies. Actually, many didn't and don't want to see disabled elderly people
either. All elderly are old despite themselves as much as because of
themselves. Your average able-bodied know-nothing old person was once an
able-bodied young know-nothing, little enough else than the years changed.
The bitterness and anger you observe stems partially from the obtrusion of
mortality. Regrettably, America did not deliver much on its promise during
their productive years to most elderly. Most are poor, often sacrificing
basic needs to survive. Suffering increases, means to cope lessen.
It's not gloom and doom for everybody. My point: that people relate from
the nexus of their experience and knowledge. For too many life's been
tough, they've experienced too much scarcity, hold what they have for fear
of losing. They can't relate to "more shared, more created." Habits of
mind and rationing over years of deprivation continue poverty in thought.
Even when conditions change with sufficiency or surplus, prior ways persist.
In those days many were afraid to rock the boat for fear of losing what had
been gained. The elderly were getting their housing and other benefits and
were preparing to settle into their hard won security. Now we're knocking
on the door and moving onto the neighborhood.
You wrote: "I'm telling you it feels like a turf war. I hate to generalize,
but most of
the older people I've met have the attitude society "owes" them. They are
entitled to certain privliages, just because they managed to live longer
than
most. It's almost as if certain seniors resent anybody who might have
access
to the resources they feel are theirs alone."
Ironically, many seniors' gains have occurred and expanded from the strength
of the disability movement (of course, we all benefit from the labor
movement). As they slide into disablement they benefit from "our" too few
and ill located parking slots and poorly ramped curb cuts, our barely
accessible housing, and our hard won support services and accessible
transportation. A thank you from them would go a long way.
There is a "turf battle"--that is endemic to the whole human rights and
workers rights movement. Again, created scarcity fosters competition. Do
you wonder in an economic era experiencing crises of overproduction why so
many have so little? Seems that society either owes everybody something if
not everything or nobody anything--do you think there's a choice here, or
that one can be created?
Now if seniors are owed anything for being elderly seems to me some respect
and acknowledgement of their achievement of ageing would go a long way. At
thirty-four you simply do not have the years to experience the
accomplishment of getting old. I hope you do. What you sense as "attitude"
may be the bearing of "far sightedness." Wait and see. :D
ISM
Date: Thu, 29 Apr 1999 11:11:35 EDT
From: "Denise D. Goodman" <[log in to unmask]>
Subject: Advice request/Patriarch Privilege
Vince, a belated, but heart-felt welcome to the list! My name is Denise,
I'm 34 and also have spastic diplegia. I remember when I first found a cp
support board on AOL, (from there, I found this list). My entire life
(except for pre-school) I'd not had much contact with anyone who was
disabled. I lived as what I've heard called, a "passer."
Unconciously I avoided anybody who threatned my dillusional belief that I
certainly was not one of "those" disabled people. Once I hit 30, the denial
was harder to maintain. My mobility was on the decline, and just like in
AA,
I hit my disability "bottom." I'll never forget the first time I posted. I
felt like I was in recovery. A disability "12 Step" program. You know?
"Hi, my name is Denise and I have cerbral palsy." Anyway, I can certainly
relate to how important it is to discuss issues which affect your life, with
people who have actually "been there." Which brings me to your advice
request ....
You said (in reference to your neighbors) "They're an older couple who
apparently resent me for my handicap." First, I think Stehpen Margolis,
gave
some excellent information. Personally, I wouldn't move. Why should you be
forced to leave? I'd make full use of the law. After all, someone went to
the trouble of legislating these issues, best to make full use of any and
all
legal recourse.
Second, and I know this is going to sound bizzare, but over the past few
years I've observed a strange phenomena. I call it the Patriarch Privilege.
At first, I thought I was imagining things, but I'm telling you I really
think there is some validity to my theory. I'm use to people staring at me
in public. Most gawking is just normal. People who look at someone because
they are a little different. Curiosity mostly, not malovence, EXCEPT for
senior citizens. I can park and disembark from a handicapp parking place
ten
times. Most people will look over, take brief notice that yes, I'm disabled
and have the right to park there. End of story, EXCEPT if the person
happens
to be a senior. Yes, I know this sounds paranoid and strange, but I swear,
8
out of 10 times I park, if there are seniors around, they glare at me with
hatred! Like "How dare I use 'Their' parking place!"
I'm telling you it feels like a turf war. I hate to generalize, but most of
the older people I've met have the attitude society "owes" them. They are
entitled to certain privliages, just because they managed to live longer
than
most. It's almost as if certain seniors resent anybody who might have
access
to the resources they feel are theirs alone.
Vince stated one comment his neighbors made, "You sure know how to take
advantage of the system." I wonder? Do these same people receive Social
Security and Medicare? Do these same people "take advantage" of senior
discounts at the movies or restaurants? I'd wager they themselves take full
advantage of "the system" which offers perks to the elderly. Why is it
then,
when someone else who has a legitimate claim to any special services, are
met
with such resentment? Do some seniors feel the disabled are dipping into
"their" kitty?
Like I said, it's just my personal observation, but I've felt the hateful
glare of those seniors who seem to think I've encroached on the Patriarch
Privilege. Anyway, Vince, I know this isn't any solution for your problem.
It's more like food for thought. Sometimes, at least for me, it's easier to
maintain a good attitude in the face of discrimination, when I understand
why
someone reacts to me in a negative way. Of course your neighbors just might
be nasty old folks who don't like anybody :D Whatever their reasons, try
and
keep your spirits up! I'm certain you've fought long and hard in your life,
no reason to give up and move now. Sincerely- Denise and her long-winded
two
cents!
The comfort I found from talking to others who had "experienced" the same
things I too had felt was of immeasurable help.
is new to the list and asked for help in a matter for which I may be of use.
Date: Thu, 29 Apr 1999 11:11:35 EDT
From: "Denise D. Goodman" <[log in to unmask]>
Subject: Advice request/Patriarch Privilege
Vince, a belated, but heart-felt welcome to the list! My name is Denise,
I'm 34 and also have spastic diplegia. I remember when I first found a cp
support board on AOL, (from there, I found this list). My entire life
(except for pre-school) I'd not had much contact with anyone who was
disabled. I lived as what I've heard called, a "passer."
Unconciously I avoided anybody who threatned my dillusional belief that I
certainly was not one of "those" disabled people. Once I hit 30, the denial
was harder to maintain. My mobility was on the decline, and just like in
AA,
I hit my disability "bottom." I'll never forget the first time I posted. I
felt like I was in recovery. A disability "12 Step" program. You know?
"Hi, my name is Denise and I have cerbral palsy." Anyway, I can certainly
relate to how important it is to discuss issues which affect your life, with
people who have actually "been there." Which brings me to your advice
request ....
You said (in reference to your neighbors) "They're an older couple who
apparently resent me for my handicap." First, I think Stehpen Margolis,
gave
some excellent information. Personally, I wouldn't move. Why should you be
forced to leave? I'd make full use of the law. After all, someone went to
the trouble of legislating these issues, best to make full use of any and
all
legal recourse.
Second, and I know this is going to sound bizzare, but over the past few
years I've observed a strange phenomena. I call it the Patriarch Privilege.
At first, I thought I was imagining things, but I'm telling you I really
think there is some validity to my theory. I'm use to people staring at me
in public. Most gawking is just normal. People who look at someone because
they are a little different. Curiosity mostly, not malovence, EXCEPT for
senior citizens. I can park and disembark from a handicapp parking place
ten
times. Most people will look over, take brief notice that yes, I'm disabled
and have the right to park there. End of story, EXCEPT if the person
happens
to be a senior. Yes, I know this sounds paranoid and strange, but I swear,
8
out of 10 times I park, if there are seniors around, they glare at me with
hatred! Like "How dare I use 'Their' parking place!"
I'm telling you it feels like a turf war. I hate to generalize, but most of
the older people I've met have the attitude society "owes" them. They are
entitled to certain privliages, just because they managed to live longer
than
most. It's almost as if certain seniors resent anybody who might have
access
to the resources they feel are theirs alone.
Vince stated one comment his neighbors made, "You sure know how to take
advantage of the system." I wonder? Do these same people receive Social
Security and Medicare? Do these same people "take advantage" of senior
discounts at the movies or restaurants? I'd wager they themselves take full
advantage of "the system" which offers perks to the elderly. Why is it
then,
when someone else who has a legitimate claim to any special services, are
met
with such resentment? Do some seniors feel the disabled are dipping into
"their" kitty?
Like I said, it's just my personal observation, but I've felt the hateful
glare of those seniors who seem to think I've encroached on the Patriarch
Privilege. Anyway, Vince, I know this isn't any solution for your problem.
It's more like food for thought. Sometimes, at least for me, it's easier to
maintain a good attitude in the face of discrimination, when I understand
why
someone reacts to me in a negative way. Of course your neighbors just might
be nasty old folks who don't like anybody :D Whatever their reasons, try
and
keep your spirits up! I'm certain you've fought long and hard in your life,
no reason to give up and move now. Sincerely- Denise and her long-winded
two
cents!
The comfort I found from talking to others who had "experienced" the same
things I too had felt was of immeasurable help.
|
