My apologies
Simplistically - Trisha
,
Good to see you work things out so fast. And such appreciation of each
other's sarcasm! Thank you for your sharp eye, Denise. Must admit to not
getting Trisha's comparison of adult human mental acuity to the brilliance
of Amber at 18 mos. I thought Trisha was being self evident and
simplistic--really missed her point and thrust. Of course, Amber's so
exceptional I didn't see the sinister side of the comparison. Must better
train my eye.
I notice that Trisha made reference to a private point. One where whoever
made the remark that Trisha goes on and on and on about: "that I can't
really understand becasue even tho I am disabled and Amber has CP - I don't
have CP - therefore I am can't truly understand becasue I am not a personal
member of club CP. What I have found thru reading the the posts - pain is
pain - your pain about not being accepted and being different is doesn't
feel any different than mine. Ever since I was born - I have been different
for one reason or another - beginning with being born an illegimate child -
exclusion doesn't feel any different and it should teach you - it hurts to
be excluded and not to in turn be that petty to someone else. This part of
the lesson seems to sail over most folks heads. My impulse was to say take a
flying leap - that however somone elses smallness should not color my giving
someone help nor getting it for Amber."
First: I have qualms when people reveal private statements publicly for
reasons less than someone's well being. To me there's a violation of trust.
How can a person be trusted if he/she doesn't honor privacy?
Second: Trisha didn't provide a direct quote. She offers her interpretation
and reaction, but offers no direct evidence with which to allow others to
reach their own conclusions of what the referent may have said or intended.
Did she seek permission before she published?
Now to discuss a strong unresolved difference between Trisha and me
regarding the ethos of being CP in regards to this CP List
Much to my yet stated delight and acknowledgment, Trisha's friend, Betty,
(whose brilliantly articulated disagreement with Trisha over the matter of
Tribalism further encouraged my recent declarations), openly acknowledges
that we are here to participate primarily, though definitely not
exclusively, in matters Cerebral Palsy. Betty seems very attuned and not at
all excluded or offended by the open and frank admission that what binds us
and hopefully fuels our pride is our collective involvement and identity.
That seems to me to indicate a shift from the personal to the political
aspects of Cerebral Palsy.
Being part of a Tribe is by definition exclusive--that doesn't mean the
Tribe cannot include others, it means only that experiences must be
acknowledged within the Tribal frame of reference. I am 58, Trisha 40,
Amber an early teen with a different level of CP than mine--historically and
personally vastly differing lives. While I'm sure we can reach
understandings and meet on shared issues--to do so clearly requires the
acknowledgment of what makes us different and unique. We don't even need to
mutually embrace those differences. But we need validate them as unique for
each of us.
Last I noticed this was a voluntary gathering of folks who made a personal
decision to coalesce around matters Cerebral Palsy. I am glad to find
people with whom I can discuss issues, however difficult, without the burden
of having to make somebody else feel good when I feel bad.
Trisha you're part of us as you are as much as anybody. I feel certain that
Amber has a well intentioned mother and that you are doing your best to pave
her road.
I can't believe anybody intended to make you feel excluded and small,
Trisha. Maybe you misinterpreted what the person meant. This being a List
and limiting communication. Perhaps the most exclusive Tribe lives between
human ears. Whatever: you have your view, I mine. I hope we're not in a
trap of mutual invalidation.
Steve M.
From: Trisha Cummings <[log in to unmask]>
Subject: Re: CP 12 Step?
Date: Tue, 2 Nov 1999 13:41:28 -0500
Hi Denise,
> Trisha Said, " Denise, I am curious - why is it necessary to mention
your
> disablity when you meet someone?"
>
> Remember my reintroduction post? I reminded everybody I sometimes end
up
> with foot in mouth? Well, this is how it starts, "Misunderstanding."
> Trisha, I am a VERY sarcastic person (but in a good way :D) Always
have
> been. Always will be.
Sorry - I keyed in on the like alcoholics and went from there.
Alcoholics do always introduce themselves and then share the alcoholic
part - My response is usually - And I need to know this becasue?
> In person you have the benefit of inflection, tone, facial
expressions,
etc.
> This usually leaves no room for doubt. However, the written word can
be
> tricky. Sarcasm, joking and kidding are sometimes "misread" on paper,
which
> is what happend here.
Yup - happens a lot with e-mail!!
> I am a firm believer that people already break themselves off into
> ridiculously small groups. You know? There are people who continue
to
break
> themselves off from the rest of the human race, segregating themselves
even
> more. Like, "I only hang out with other left-handed, synchronized
swimming,
> cat-owners, of Sumarian decent who do needle-point and are allergic to
blow
> fish." These slivers of definition CAN get ridiculous. BUT, you can
not
> deny the fact that some times, there are certain facets which
contribute
to
> who we are. I don't define myself by my disability, BUT there is no
way
I
> can say it does not color my perception of the world. This is a part
of
who
> I am, just like being Italian, or a first-born child, influenced my
> personality.
>
Yes, it was already pointed to me privately- that I can't really
understand becasue even tho I am disabled and Amber has CP - I don't
have
CP - therefore I am can't truly understand becasue I am not a personal
member of club CP. What I have found thru reading the the posts - pain
is
pain - your pain about not being accepted and being different is doesn't
feel any different than mine. Ever since I was born - I have been
different
for one reason or another - beginning with being born an illegimate
child -
exclusion doesn't feel any different and it should teach you - it hurts
to
be excluded and not to in turn be that petty to someone else. This part
of
the lesson seems to sail over most folks heads. My impulse was to say
take a
flying leap - that however somone elses smallness should not color my
giving
someone help nor getting it for Amber.
> No matter how much we may want to believe these "groupings" don't
influence
> us or how others see us, I think they do. Again, my entire outlook on
life
> isn't soley based on cp, but a large portion of my expereinces were
colored
> by being disabled.
>
> There! I hope I've cleared that all up. - And I know Trisha can
relate
to
> the sarcasm. She had quite a good jolt of her own when she said, "...
-
you
> too can have think things thru. I have seen Amber do it as an 18 month
old -
> so I am fairly
> sure - its a species skill we are born with." Good One Trisha! :D
Thank -you!!
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