LOL, very funny!  I'll have you know you made me spill my tea.  Fortunately
I'm wearing dark slacks today.

I loathe and fear voice mail systems because I can't hear them and get
thoroughly lost in the maze.  I just punch "0" or ask the Relay operator to do
it.

Kat

On Fri, 16 Aug 2002 10:15:29 EDT "BG Greer, PhD" <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

>  Subject: Voice Mail for Mental Health Centers
>
>
> Answering machine at a mental health facility:
>
> "Hello, and welcome to the mental health
> hotline..."
>
>  If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1
> repeatedly.
>
>  If you are codependent, please ask someone to
> press 2 for you.
>
>  If you have multiple personalities, press 3,
> 4, 5, and 6.
>
>  If you are paranoid, we know who you are and
> what you want. Stay on the
>  line so we can trace your call.
>
> If you are delusional, press 7 and your call
> will be transferred to the
>  mother ship.
>
>  If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and
> a small voice will tell you
> which number to press. Remember, you are never
> alone!
>
>  If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't
> matter which number you
> press, no one will answer.
>
>  If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
>
>  If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget
> with the pound key until
> a representative comes on the line.
>
>  If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your
> name, address, telephone
>  number, date of birth, social security
> number, and your mother's maiden name.
>
>  If you have post-traumatic stress disorder,
> s-l-o-w-l-y &
>  c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
>
>  If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a
> message after the beep or
>  before the beep or after the beep. Please
>  wait for the beep.
>
>  If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> If you have short-term
>  memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
>  memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
> memory loss, press 9.
>
>  If you have low self-esteem, please hang up.
> All operators are too busy
>  to talk to you.
>
>  If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the
> fan, lay down & cry. You
>  won't be crazy forever.
>
>  If you are blonde don't press any buttons,
> you'll just mess it up.
>