Jonathan writes: (reference intamacy)  "I was wanting to bring that up on the
list and ask you all about it. I don't want to turn this into a discussion
that might offend or embarrass people."  I can only speak for myself, but I
sincerely hope this is an issue which can be addressed.  Quite awhile back I
too had broached the subject.  After my intital "public" inquiry on the list,
several women from the list emailed my privately for a more in-depth
discussion.  This exchange was helpful and I don't think I would have gotten
the detailed information if the posts were public.  As I said, personally, I
felt more comfortable discussing the technical details in private with other
women. (No offense to the men intended.)

I can't offer much insight since I'm not a man with cp, but I can give you my
opinion from your "target audience" :D  - (women)    Jonathan said, "i'm 26
and everything functions when i do my solo thing.  my worry is that if i can
make the women happen or get so frustrated that she would go some where
else..."

Please understand, responding to this topic is difficult because I want to be
as PC as possible and not offend anyone's sensibilites, but at the same time,
I don't want my remarks taken as light or sarcastic.  This is NOT the case.
So please take what I say in the manner it is intened, an honest attempt to
give my truthful insight.  Now, as understand it, Jonathan isn't worried
about the ability to function, but that he is concerned whether or not he can
function satisfactorily with a partner.

I think the main thing to remember is where there's a will, there's a way.  I
hate to use sterotypes, but often we find much truth in them.  I beleive,
women in general, are very patient and understanding creatures.  We are by
our very nature nuturers.  This is not to imply in any way, shape or form,
that men with cp need to be nutured.  What I'm trying to say is, if you have
a relationship with a woman, and it develops to the point where you are both
ready to take it to the next level of intamacy, it's a pretty good bet,
you're not going to be judged soley on the sex.

It's also a pretty safe assumption that if you are preoccupied with doubt
about pleasing your partner before you even start, you will run into trouble.
 I became sexually active at 16 (Please- no passing judgement! I stayed with
my first partner for six years.)  This is the true story.  My boyfriend at
the time was 21 and able bodied.  (All you dad's are probably wincing, but in
his defense, I'd implied I was older by two years).  Well there was nothing
physically wrong with him.  (Actually he was quite a looker.  In fact my mom
and sister had him staked out but he ended up preferring me)  Anyway, he'd
recently had an expereince where he was unable to "function" with a partner.
I later came to find out he'd been drinking heavily that evening which
explains a lot.  Anyway, this woman was a friend of his sisters.  She
proceeded to tell everyone in the group of friends he socialized with about
this event.  Needless to say, when the time came for him to attempt sex again
with me, he'd been traumatized and worked himself up into a tizzy of doubt.
He was so upset and I know he thought I'd never go out with him again, but by
this time I'd already fallen in love with him.  I remember talking to a close
friend.  I told her in confidence about the situation and she asked me what I
was going to do.  I told her I'd wait six more months before making any rash
decisions.  Well I only had to wait six days.  The second time we attempted
to be "intimate" was a rousing success.  Once he knew I wasn't going
anywhere, the fear was gone.

Anyway, over the past 20 years or so (Geeze I feel old!) I've had a few
different partners.  Nothing for the record books or anything.  I don't know
about anyone else here, man or woman, but it was always my experience that
the "first time" with a new partner wasn't like the movies.  There was always
awkwardness and fear of the unknown.  I've been married about 8 years and if
anything happened to my husband (God Forbid) the thought of being intimate
with someone else scares the bejesus out of me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is being nervous is normal.  I also think
there is a big difference between sex and intimacy.  This may just be a woman
thing.  I don't know.  But having sex is easy, being intmate is much more
difficult, and this is why I don't think you will have any problems when you
reach this point.  Like I said, if you are involved with a woman and you are
both ready to consumate the relationship, I think don't think a woman will
rush off after that first, second or third time and go looking for a new
partner if things didn't go according to plan.  If a woman really cares for
you, disability aside, she will make every effort to do whatever is necessary
to make things work.  And just remember, practice makes perfect.  I think any
of the married people here will tell you, the quality (if not the quantity
:D) of intimacy improves over time.  The familar comfortable feeling of
knowing and loving your partner is powerful stuff.  You might be surprised
how easily any "technical difficulty" is to overcome with a little ingenuity
when the people involved care for each other.

I hope at least some of what I've said is helpful.  Again, I applaud the
courage of those who are willing to discuss such a difficult, but important
topic.  Take Care- Be Well:  Denise.