I have always thought these rules to be quite generous.  While I have
not particular interest in the continuation of the species, this seems
to assure that my wife will get the grandchildren she wants...on my terms.

The young man who has married my first child seems to have negotiated
the rigors of my quirks relatively unscathed.  Interesting to see him in
the company of the young man who is negotiating similar trials with my
younger daughter.  They are friends, but clearly he understood my drift
when I explained that marrige was a package deal and that
responsibilities extended beyond the one he was interested in.  I
suspect he is subtly reinforcing these rules.

I wouldn't worry about the local neighborhood boyz.  For some reason
those relationships don't last.  Neither daughter seemed to have any
interest in any young man who lived where I could get my hands on him in
a hurry.  Although my son-in-law is the son of a fine historian and
former colleague, his father and I rarely worked together.  (I suggested
that our employer prohibit the dating of children of employees, but he
had neither vision nor humor.)


Second daughter is slipping beyond my control.  Now comes son.
 Interesting change.  Not sure if the rules need to change or not.
 Certainly my son is aware that as weird as I am, I am not unique, other
fathers think these rules appropriate.  Maybe there are rules women pass
around about dating their sons.  I do think that young women dating my
son will find me easier to get along with than his mother or sisters.
 Where these rules for young men are all about behavior, I suspect women
would require actual character and substance in addition to behavior.
 Maybe there is a double standard.

Enjoy the next few years.  At 13+/- they go to the dark side.  While on
the dark side they start practicing things they've seen their mothers
do.  As loud as I protest that one wife is enough, both daughters try to
supervise my diet and behavior...I can't sneak cookies when they are
around...even if I offer to share!  Sons make better co conspirators.

Hang in there!  -jc


[log in to unmask] wrote:

>My daughter Mary turns two on DEC 21. This is a magical age for me so full of
>mystery and magic not to mention mischief that little elf creates
>
>No sooner were we in the house a half an hour than she got into her clothes
>drawers and pulled out everything in a whirlwind fashion show,   chased
>Louise (the dog) with a rattling egg beater;    opened the dish washer and
>dropped two plates (they broke)    opened the fridge and made off with the
>ketchup bottle (still can't find it oh -oh)     then she took my car keys
>which I found later in the loo.
>
>After her bed time I began to think that  In our rural little hamlet  that
>our petit farm was surrounded with families with little boys; Hmmm-
>and  all more or less the same age Hmmmm.
>
>what kind of chance do I have with those odds ..
>
>I began to think and plan when a friend sent me  rules for dating (our
>)daughter..download and print I think you will like it..Best Michael
>
>  Ten Simple Rules for Dating Our  Daughter
>
>Rule  One:
>If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a
>package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
>
>Rule Two:
>You do not touch my daughter in front of me.  You may glance at her, so
>long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If  you cannot keep
>your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove  them.
>
>Rule Three:
>I am aware that it is considered fashionable for  boys of your age to wear
>their trousers so loosely that they appear to be  falling off their hips.
>Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of  your friends are
>complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about  this
>issue, so I propose his compromise:
>You may come to the door with your  underwear showing and your pants ten
>sizes too big, and I will not object.  However, in order to ensure that
>your clothes do not, in fact, come off during  the course of your date with
>my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and  fasten your trousers
>securely in place to your waist.
>
>Rule Four:
>I'm  sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a
>"barrier  method" of some kind can kill you.  Let me elaborate, when it
>comes to sex,  I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
>
>Rule Five:
>It is usually  understood that in order for us to get to know each other,
>we should talk about  sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please
>do not do this. The only  information I require from you is an indication
>of when you expect to have my  daughter safely back at my house, and the
>only word I need from you on this  subject is "early."
>
>Rule Six:
>I have no doubt you are a popular  fellow, with many opportunities to date
>other girls. This is fine with me as  long as it is okay with my daughter.
>Otherwise, once you have gone out with my  little
>girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with
>you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
>
>Rule Seven:
>As you  stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and
>more than an  hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.  If you want to be on
>time for the  movie, you should not be dating.  My daughter is putting on
>her makeup, a  process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate
>Bridge. Instead  of just standing there, why don't you do something useful,
>like changing the oil  in my car?
>
>Rule Eight:
>The following places are not appropriate for a  date with my daughter:
>Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer  than a wooden
>stool.  Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns  within
>eyesight.  Places where there is darkness.  Places where there  is dancing,
>holding hands, or happiness.  Places where the ambient  temperature is warm
>enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops,  midriff T-shirts,
>or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down  parka -
>zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual  theme are
>to be avoided; movies
>which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games  are okay. Old folks homes
>are better.
>
>Rule Nine:
>Do not lie to me. I  may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged,
>dimwitted has-been. But on  issues relating to my daughter, I am the
>all-knowing, merciless god of your  universe.  If I ask you where you are
>going and with whom, you have one  chance to tell me the truth, the whole
>truth and nothing but the  truth.  I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five
>acres behind the house. Do not  trifle with me.
>
>Rule Ten:
>Be afraid.  Be very afraid.  It  takes very little for me to mistake the
>sound of your car in the driveway for a  chopper coming in over a rice
>paddy near Hanoi.  When my Agent Orange  starts acting up, the voices in my
>head frequently tell me to clean the guns as  I wait for you to bring my
>daughter home. As soon as you pull into the  driveway you should exit your
>car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the  perimeter password, announce
>in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter  home safely and early,
>then return to your car - there is no need for you to  come inside.  The
>camouflaged face at the window is  mine.
>
>
>I can see being a parent is going to be very challenging...Mon Oncle
>