>
>
>     If the architect wrote a spec that 'allows' crap because they did not
>     know what they were doing then crap is what results.
>
> *There's always the possibility that the architect's spec didn't allow
> crap, but that the Owner decided it wasn't necessary to pay for
> services during construction OR to hire a decent contractor, and crap
> was the result.  One would hope this was not the case with a building
> as important as this one, but who knows?*


I know... I know... just feeling my angst. The architects that bug me
are the ones who don't understand the materials they are working with.

So I have these brownstone newel posts and areaway railings to patch on
the House of Fifteen Bathrooms. The first thing I tell them is that if
they want it to look good they should replace the newel posts with real
brownstone... which I go to a LOT of trouble to get priced out for them.
I'm told no... they want patches. The architect asks me how the patches
will look, I say, "They will look like shit. A patch is a patch, etc.
etc." I start by telling them that I will only use one color... after a
while I concede to two colors in hopes they will leave me alone. I get
samples made up, one of them is perfect and I get a written approval
from the contractor who says they got an approval from the architect,
but I do NOT get one from the architect who later says that they did not
approve the sample... but now I'm not too sure what the hell they
approved because the architect told me out of their own mouth that the
sample was approved. Communications is such a pain in the ass! I do
samples on site and they turn purple... it takes me a month to figure
this out -- bab bad sunlight. I try to explain to them that calling me
and saying something is too purple makes no sense to me -- to go check
it is 2 hours drive/train into the city and 2 hours back out. In the
mean time, they agree to expedite the color selection process by
selecting paint color chips. So what they do is after about two weeks of
my waiting they send me two colors for the newel post, and two colors
for the railings... one color is the 'outside' of the stone and one
color is the 'inside' of the stone. I'm told to choose a range between
the two colors for the two separate areas. Cripes almighty, for all
practical purposes there are an infinite number of shades between any
two colors. I'm stuck for another two weeks trying to figure out how I
communicate this information, plus a few more variables like needing a
matching stain for the exposed aggregate balusters (they do not like the
aggregate -- but I think it looks really cool)... to communicate this
information to the patching materials supplier without their freaking on
me... since I only need like 5 buckets of the stuff. In the mean time
I'm trying to figure out what to do about the 'purple' and the owner of
the House of Fifteen Bathrooms shows up... says it looks like shit (I
was not there so I paraphrase in a loose manner) and I'm told the
solution is to cut back ALL of the stone and make one big patch... to
which I tell the contractor that I do not want to do it (having woken at
4 AM thinking I should tell them where to stick this job if they ask me
to cut back the really beautiful brownstone, and I mean beautiful, and
patch it)... but I'm a 'nice' contractor and try to accomodate the
confusion and I get them to agree to give me one more chance to make the
patch 'invisible'.... well, I hate to say it but last time I looked shit
is visible.

The architect mentioned to me that the previous contractor (I will not
mention any names) who did the strip and stucco job had said that if the
facade was acid washed it would look better... and I agree it would look
a hell of a lot better... funny how you get smears & efflorescence with
unwashed fake brownstone stucco... I felt like explaining it, but was
quick enough to bite words and keep silent. I go to look at the job and
I give them a price and when I come back to do the job they have put in
what look like fancy $10,000 gas lamps. Nobody communicated that little
item to me. I can't afford to buy these things and they want me to strip
paint around them. Damn if I don't want to shoot somebody. But hell...
I'll bitch on BP and we will maintain world peas.

][<en

The following gem from "Mythical Trickster Figures, Contours, Contexts
and Criticisms"

"Once there were many rulers in different regions of Tibet. Uncle
happened to be a good friend of one of these rulers, and so he got a job
as his secretary. The ruler himself was not able to write or read, but
he was highly devoted in [sic] the religion of Buddhism.

At first, Uncle made the ruler very happy with his work, but one day he
annoyed him greatly. The ruler tried to punish him. He took off all the
clothes Uncle was wearing and put him on the palace roof during the
coldest period of the year. Poor Uncle suffered from the cold all night
long.

Early the next morning Uncle scraped off some of the white lime used to
whitewash the palace wall. Soon he had enough to spread out on the
floor. Then he shit on the white lime dust, picked up a stick and
stabbed it into the shit. It soon froze because of the cold. He picked
up the stick which now had the frozen shit on it, and a white bottom
from the lime. He wrote some words on the bottom.

Uncle looked down into the skylight in the Ruler's private worship room
and saw him sitting cross legged and meditating before a splendid altar
of Buddha and all the gods. Uncle dropped the shit right on the ruler's
lap through the skylight.

The ruler woke up from his meditation and was very surprised. When he
looked at this object more carefully, he saw there was some writing on
the bottom.

Since he could not read, he ordered his servants to bring Uncle down
into his presence. Uncle, still shivering from the cold, was served a
hot breakfast.

Soon after, the ruler ordered Uncle to read the "Miracle Shit." Uncle
bowed down three times in respect and sat below the ruler's throne in a
very humble posture. He picked up the shit and read the writing on the
bottom very loudly:

"WOODEN HANDLED AND WHITE BOTTOMED, THAT IS THE SHIT FROM HEAVEN. HE IS
THE LUCKIEST RULER WHEN IT DROPS ON HIS LAP!"

Uncle stood up in amazement and said, "Ah! You are very fortunate
because this is shit from heaven and when it drops on someone like you,
you're the luckiest person on the earth. You should eat a little bit of
it to get its blessings."

The ruler touched it to his forehead, ate a piece of it, and put the
rest on his altar. Uncle Tompa saluted and was dismissed. (Dorje 1975:
41-43)

--
To terminate puerile preservation prattling among pals and the
uncoffee-ed, or to change your settings, go to:
<http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/bullamanka-pinheads.html>