Speaking of collecting for Mary's get-together, do you (Mary) have the same
(generically speaking) goddam disgusting camelback crickets in your basement
that we have in Summit?  Or do you have a less revolting variety (unless, of
course, you're in Upper Montclair, but then you wouldn't be inviting all of
us over, would you?)?  Shall I bring some (say, a few thousand) with me?  We
could have the First Annual Never to be Repeated Celebrated Jumping Cricket
Contest of Essex (or Exxes?) and Union Counties.  The loser would have to eat
the cricket legs, winner gets the rest of the carcass.  Little bastards are
probably cannibalistic anyway.  Or we could epoxy M-80's to the sons of
bitches and Fedex them to our esteemed colleague in Ohio so he could ask us
whether they have asbestos-and lead Dryvit paint on them, but that would
probably be illegal, immoral or fattening.

I know-- howzabout if everybody brings some variety of basement vermin (and
how about curtain climbers, yard apes, et uxori) along.  Mary, please advise.
 We could even be retro-sixties and swap infestations to spice up those
cellars.

Think about it.  Or maybe better not to.  Which reminds me, has anybody else
noticed how there seems to be more Pinhead traffic on weekdays than on
weekends?  Is it a coincidence, or are we just more devoted to our families
than to our ever upward-spiraling careers in Histo Presto?

Love to all from your Humor Czar,

Ralph