I hired dumb and dumber for the day because I was short handed and needed a
pressure washing team to start a project at a rural cemetery;.

The cemetery is wayup in the country; and the stone I needed cleaning was
rubble stone of dilapidated crypts ;  a no brainer  for this talented crew..

I got them started and then proceeded on to a meeting with the church review
board scheduled an hour later.

Much to my surprise the  review board met me in their Sunday best; it seems
Weds they all take a plate lunch together; and unbeknownst to me I was their
featured speaker..work clothes et al.

For the most part the luncheons are short; chicken rubbery; and the mashed
tatties could double for stucco .Prayers are included before the sit down ; and
the way some of them carry on you would think Gen Patton was praying for good
weather at the battle of the Bulge.
Never mind .
I got seated next to Mr. and Mrs Hornswoggle ; and their aging mother who was
all of 90 if not a day.That was all right except Mother would let one fly
every 5 mins or so and no one seemed to notice.
" and this is Mr. Michael  , Mother - rrrrripp;... oh......." how very nice
to meet you ....

As per the course at such events ; you are given a  few bites then  invited
to speak; Not having had a drink ina few  days I was a little shaky at first;
this caused me to   fortified my self with double ice teas  as my audience
waited.
"Thank You " -rippp ..
..Not wanting to take credit  I then bowed to Mother ;
she nodded back with a big smile .and I was on my own  explaining what we
hoped to accomplish in their historic cemetery.
Mother of course punctionated  my more important points by letting one rip.;
this of course made me double up on the ice teas with even more bowing;

 I finished my address just in time to be served the devils food cake with
the syrane wrap covering the off blue icing and sprinkles on it.

It was then decided that we would all travel up to the cemetery to have a
look .Normallly I do not encourage such outings ; but as Mr and Mrs Hornswoggle
were footing the bill I was encouraged to make thew trip in their car  with
Mother of course who let one rip over all the bumps and then complained to Mr.
Hornswoggle about the springs and the fact that I rode with the window down
........." when we have air conditioning".

"Mother " whose knickname was "Pootsy" ( go figure) ; now wanted to hear
about all my travels in life ; the usual "there I was surrounded by aligatiors "
stuff people make up in their minds about someone who has lived and worked in
exotic places .
Only here that may mean just "out of state".;
never mind
between the car bumps and the poots I talked story about Cathedrals
and alligators with the window down  until we got to the rise of the cemetery
and there before the entourage was a site that dropped all the jaws in the
cars  including mine .

My two protege's Dumb and Dumber were both  with out trousers and
undergarments  shooting  water at themselves with the pressure washer wand .

Pootsy let a long one fly and with that I was out  the door charging up the
hill.
Which at that point the boys saw me and the cars ; and quickly gabbed what
they could for modesty.

I lite into them like there was no tomorrow;
the cars having seen enough  were now turning and making there way back down
(except the deacons)
To their defense the boys were quick to show me what had happened .
Thousands of fire ants covered their clothing; and had attacked their legs ,
buttocks.
and other places where the sun don't shine..
 These ants (originally from Asia) have a poisonous bite and can inflict
serious pain that can lead to you having to be put in hospital; ....and they love
cemeteries.

Frustrated and embarrassed of what my clients have just witnessed
  ; I was yelling "I don't care you can't get naked in these peoples cemetery"
  By the time I charged down the hill and made for the deacons car
I had calmed down; .......and with my best  Fred MacMurray   apolmb "splained
" to the deacon with the bulging neck veins  what had transpired  was not as
it seemed.

I mean it was and it wasn't ; yes the boys were naked in your cemetery; and
they were shooting water at one another ;
 but they had just gotten into a fire ant den 5 mins before the cars arrived
and were cleaning their legs off with the water .

The deacon studied my poker face over his horn rims ; then stared back at the
cemetery where Dumb and Dumber were knocking out shoes ; and flapping shirts

He cleared his throat and said he would try and explain it to his group.then
get back to me ;.but then added sheepishly if he was not successful;
  they would be adding two more graves up at the hill ;
his and mine ; dumb and dumber
Well ; that was a day and a half ago; and still no word. . Pyrate
   .
  .

--
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