Ayuh, Leland and that's the truth, seen it with my own eyes.  Ruth




At 4:20 PM -0500 1/15/03, Leland Torrence wrote:
Okey Dokey here are my two cow stories:


As you might know, Ol' Pevee was the nice-est feller in the whole damn
countee.  You'd notice him if you'd seen him, cause he was bald as a
billiard ball.  But the damnest thing about old Peevee is that come winter
he had the damn sweetest lookin' lips you ever saw.  So one day I up an
asked Peevee how the hell he kept his lips so smooth like a baby's butt.
So he tells me:  Ever mornin' when I is out in the ban milkin' Bessy, jess
before I leaves I picks up her tail and I takes my big finger a slips right
between her cheeks. Then I takes my finger and wipes it all over my lips.
So I looks at Peevee and I says: "Geesum Peevee that must taste like hell."
And Peevee says:  "It shore does, but it keeps me from lickin' my lips."



Ya know, I recall another time, when our Minister had up and died and it
took some time to find a replacement. Well wouldn't ya know this fella from
New Jersey comes to be our new minister.  Now, aint no Vermonta going to
listen to no man from New Jersey, specially tellin us about our good Lord
-ceptin' a course ol' Pevee, him bein' the nice-est man in the whole damn
countee.



Well Sunday rolls around and Ol' Pevee goes to church and sits down in the
far pew as he usually does. When the minister walks in and seein' only
Pevee he starts feeling a bit un-nerved. So he walks down the aisle to the
far pew there where Pevee usually sits and asks him if he should bother
with his service. So, Pevee turns to him and says "when I go down to feed
my cows and only one cow shows, I feed him!"



So the minister walks back towards the pulpit, stopping along the way to
put up a couple of numbahs in the hymnal board. And aftah openin' with a
readin from the good book he starts playing the first hymn which doesn't
sit too well with ol' Pevee, cause ol' Pevee never sang before, just useta
mouth the words. Well after a sermon of fire and brimstone and two more
hyms afta that, the minister walks back down the aisle there to Pevee and
asks him what he thinks.  And Pevee turns to him as says. "well when I go
down to feed my cows and only one cow shows, I don't give him the whole
damn load!"



Best,

Leland
--
Ruth Barton
[log in to unmask]
Westminster, VT

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