Off topic? Depends on your point-of-view.

Year 2000 Darwin award Nominees:

Here are some early contenders for the 2000 Darwin Awards for helping
cleanse the human gene pool of debris. First, the honorable
mentions..........

LAUNCHED ON THE FOURTH OF JULY
Three young men in Oklahoma were enjoying the coming Fourth of July holiday
and wanted to test fire some fireworks. The only real problem was, their
launch pad and seating arrangements were atop a several hundred thousand
gallon fuel distillation storage tank. Oddly enough, fumes were ignited,
producing a fireball seen for miles. They were launched several hundred feet
into the air and found dead some 250 yards from their respective seats.

DON'T ASK GOD TO PROVE HIMSELF, HE JUST MIGHT
A lawyer and two buddies were fishing on Caddo Lake in Texas when a
lightning storm hit. Most of the other boats immediately headed for the
shore, but not our friend the lawyer. Alone on the rear of his aluminum bass
boat with his buddies, this individual stood up, spread his arms wide and
shouted: "HERE I AM LORD, LET ME HAVE IT!" Needless to say, God delivered.
The other two passengers on the boat survived the lightning strike with
minor burns.

THE BOYS OF SUMMER
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. Big deal you may say, but
there's a twist here that makes him a candidate. It seems he and a friend
were playing catch with a rattlesnake. The friend (a future Darwin Awards
candidate himself) was hospitalized.

THEY SAY THOSE THINGS WILL KILL YOU
Not much was given to me on this unlucky fellow, but he qualifies
nonetheless. You see, there was a gentleman from Korea who was killed by his
cell phone ... more or less. He was doing the usual "walking and talking"
when he walked into a tree and managed to somehow break his neck. Keep that
in mind the next time you decide to drive and dial at the same time.

GOT A LIGHT?
In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the
smell of gas. Sensibly, management  evacuated the building, extinguishing
all potential sources of ignition -- lights, power, etc. After the building
had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched.
Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the
dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked.

Witnesses later described the scene of one of the technicians reaching into
his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a lighter. Upon operation
of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending
pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians,
but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
that was suspected of causing the explosion had never been thought of as
"bright" by his peers.

And a near winner but a future Darwin Awards candidate is..............

A Vermont native, Ronald Demuth, found himself in a difficult position
yesterday. While touring the Eagle's Rock African Safari (Zoo) with a group
of thespians from St. Petersburg, Russia, Mr.Demuth went overboard to show
them one of America's many marvels.  He demonstrated the effectiveness of
"Crazy Glue" ... the hard way.

Apparently, Mr.Demuth wanted to demonstrate just how good the adhesive was,
so he put about 3 ounces of the stuff in the palms of his hands and jokingly
placed them on the buttocks of a passing rhino.

The rhino, a resident of the zoo for the past thirteen years, was not
initially startled as it has been part of the petting exhibit since its
arrival as a baby. However, once it became aware of its being involuntarily
stuck to Mr. Demuth, it began to panic and ran around the petting area
wildly making Mr. Demuth an unintended passenger.

"Sally" [the rhino] hasn't been feeling well lately. She had been very
constipated. We had just given her a laxative and some depressants to relax
her bowels shortly before Mr. Demuth played his "juvenile prank," said James
Douglass, caretaker.

During Sally's tirade two fences were destroyed, a shed wall was gored, and
a number of small animals escaped. Also, during the stampede, three pygmy
goats and one duck were stomped to death.

As for Demuth, it took a team of medics and zoo caretakers over four hours
to remove his hands from the rhino's buttocks. First, the animal had to be
captured and calmed down. And during this process the laxatives began to
take effect and Mr. Demuth was repeatedly showered with over 30 gallons of
rhino diarrhea.

"It was tricky. We had to calm her down, while at the same time shield our
faces from being pelted with rhino dung. I guess you could say that Mr.
Demuth was into it up to his neck. Once she was under control, we had three
people with shovels working to keep an air passage open for Mr. Demuth. We
were able to tranquilize her and apply a solvent to remove his hands from
her rear," said Douglass. "I don't think he'll be playing with Crazy Glue
for a while."

Meanwhile, the Russians, while obviously amused, also were impressed with
the power of the adhesive. "I'm going to buy some for my children, but of
course they can't take it to the zoo,"


JV