Ralph:  The cricket infestation isn't confined to NJ.  I've noticed the
first generation of tiny crickets has appeared in my bathtub and utility
room.  At season's peak, the back room floor gets kinda psychedelic -- open
the back door to a chirping, wriggling mass that, of a single mind, heads
underneath the water pump and washing machine for temporary shelter.  As if
I didn't notice!!  The cats do a nice job of controlling the varmints.  The
down side to this is the nightly deposit of cat barf -- cricket parts
largely intact in a moist pile in front of the bathroom door.

O-Y-O
-----Original Message-----
From: Ralph Walter <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask]
<[log in to unmask]>
Date: Sunday, July 25, 1999 10:15 PM
Subject: Re: Something about [painting wood shingles at] Mary['s]


>Speaking of collecting for Mary's get-together, do you (Mary) have the same
>(generically speaking) goddam disgusting camelback crickets in your
basement
>that we have in Summit?  Or do you have a less revolting variety (unless,
of
>course, you're in Upper Montclair, but then you wouldn't be inviting all of
>us over, would you?)?  Shall I bring some (say, a few thousand) with me?
We
>could have the First Annual Never to be Repeated Celebrated Jumping Cricket
>Contest of Essex (or Exxes?) and Union Counties.  The loser would have to
eat
>the cricket legs, winner gets the rest of the carcass.  Little bastards are
>probably cannibalistic anyway.  Or we could epoxy M-80's to the sons of
>bitches and Fedex them to our esteemed colleague in Ohio so he could ask us
>whether they have asbestos-and lead Dryvit paint on them, but that would
>probably be illegal, immoral or fattening.
>
>I know-- howzabout if everybody brings some variety of basement vermin (and
>how about curtain climbers, yard apes, et uxori) along.  Mary, please
advise.
> We could even be retro-sixties and swap infestations to spice up those
>cellars.
>
>Think about it.  Or maybe better not to.  Which reminds me, has anybody
else
>noticed how there seems to be more Pinhead traffic on weekdays than on
>weekends?  Is it a coincidence, or are we just more devoted to our families
>than to our ever upward-spiraling careers in Histo Presto?
>
>Love to all from your Humor Czar,
>
>Ralph