In a message, [log in to unmask] writes:

As I told you before, my cousins and I have inherited a house
           from our grandmother.
WE WEREN'T LISTENING.  WE WERE THINKING ABOUT WHETHER KEN HAD A MOUSTACHE OR
NOT, AND HOW MANY POUNDS OVERWEIGHT HE REALLY WAS.

           The house is 72 years old.
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?  WHAT STYLE IS IT? WHO IS THE ARCHITECT?  HAVE YOU
HIRED A COMPETENT ARCHITECT?  WHAT ABOUT A FIRM WITH FOUR LETTERS INDICATING
THREE PARTNERS WHO ARE NO LONGER ON BOARD?

           We have not decided what to do with it yet.
           My cousin Estelle is living there for the time being.
HOW MUCH RENT IS SHE PAYING?  I WILL PAY THAT PLUS 15%, BUT I WANT POOL
PRIVILEGES.

           Most of the house is sided with wood shingles, which
           were last painted some years ago.

           The old paint looks dingy now.
 ONE MAN'S DINGY IS ANOTHER WOMAN'S "PATINA".

           Each shingle has a surface of straight but varied
           vertical ridges or grooves.  I mean, the shingles are
           not smooth to the touch, but rough.
WHAT ABOUT REMOVING ALL THOSE TROUBLESOME BEAMS IN THE BASEMENT? HAVE YOU
DONE THAT YET?  (P. S. DO NOT USE M-80'S FOR A SMOKE TEST ON INTERNAL
LEADERS.)

           The old paint has stuck to this surface pretty well,
           but in some places it has peeled off and bare wood is
           showing through.
           Last year, we had some repairs done to replace some
           broken or missing shingles.
           There are (I counted) 55 new wood shingles in various
           places on three sides of the house.
HOW MANY WOOD SHIINGLES IN ALL, IF THE OTHER TRAIN IS GOING TOWARDS THE
MAUMEE RIVER AT 72 MPH?

           The new wood shingles exactly the same surface
           texture as the old shingles.  Estelle insisted on that.
           They are a perfect match.
SO, THIS ESTELLE IS A PERFECTIONIST?

           The new shingles have been up for a year and have not
           been painted.
THAT'S DISGRACEFUL. WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING FOR A WHOLE YEAR?

           Yesterday, a neighbor told us that we should "power wash"
           the shingle siding to remove the loose paint, then paint with
           primer to cover the old and new bare wood.
THIS NEIGHBOR - DOES HE HAVE A TEENAGED SON WITH A POWER-WASHING BUSINESS?

           He recommended that we use spray paint because he said
           it is less work than brushing or rolling.
ANOTHER POSSIBILITY - USE A BAZOOKA.

           But if we power wash the shingles, what happens to all the
           paint chips?
           Don't old houses have lead paint?
           Isn't it dangerous to just scatter lead paint chips around?
BETTER TO COLLECT THEM AND USE THEM IN SALADS - CAN YOU SHIP TO MARY FOR
SEPTEMBER PARTY?

           If we "power wash" the house, should we just do the places
           where paint is peeling, or should we also do the places where
           paint is not peeling?
JUST GET A PACKAGE BID, INSIDE AND OUT.  SAVES TROUBLE IN THE LONG RUN.
IMPORTANT: MAKE SURE TO SPECIFY "PORCH ODORS".

           How much does it cost to "power wash"?  What equipment would
           we need?
MAKE SURE TO RECOMMEND THAT YOUR CONTRACTOR PUTS THE INTENSITY SETTING ON
"GRANITE"  FOR MAXIMUM EFFECT ON THE SHINGLES - SHOULD SLICE THEM RIGHT IN
HALF.  THAT WILL BE LESS TO PAINT.

           If we spray paint the house, how do we keep the spray out
           of places where it doesn't belong?  It gets windy here.
PUT THE HOUSE IN A BIG PAPER BAG AND SHAKE IT.

           What should we do?  Please answer!  >>

SIGNED,  SANDY BLASTER