In a message dated 03/29/2000 6:06:26 PM Pacific Standard Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:

<< Bad news: An acquaintance of mine >>

Larry,

I'm sorry to hear this. Having had my own experiences with a few too many
suicides I can express that it takes quite a while for the surviving to
recover. My brothers best friend, who lived with Kathy, David & I, and worked
with me, hung himself in his parent's basement while visiting them on Xmas
holiday. The sister of a close friend was running away from her mother and
jumped off a stone bridge at Cornell before her mother could reach her. Our
absent minded writer friend fell off the same bridge at Cornell, we are not
certain if it was from depression or clumsiness. A poet that I had met and
got to know, my age, in a small enclave of obscure Washington poets, shot
himself. All of this happened within a two year period roughly 20 years ago
and coincided with my working on a long poem about suicidal jumpers -- I had
been working on the poem before the suicides and became self-conscious during
and afterwards. Through the experience was reinforced a mild phobia regarding
totems, signs & symbols. Since that time I have been very cautious in how I
relate to people. The pain, perplexity and confusion is more than anyone
needs to deal with. I also find that almost anything you may consider to say
to the bereaved will be wrong and will have long-term consequences. It has
also had an effect on how people relate to me as I have, in the past, showed
my own signs of suicidal behaviour and depression and I know that it has
caused a few people to back off from relating to me. I've spent a lot of time
thinking about the decisions that I have made that result in my continued
survival, and the decisions that led to the suicide's departure. My conlusion
is that it is important for an individual to keep options open.

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