My daughter Mary turns two on DEC 21. This is a magical age for me so full of
mystery and magic not to mention mischief that little elf creates

No sooner were we in the house a half an hour than she got into her clothes
drawers and pulled out everything in a whirlwind fashion show,   chased
Louise (the dog) with a rattling egg beater;    opened the dish washer and
dropped two plates (they broke)    opened the fridge and made off with the
ketchup bottle (still can't find it oh -oh)     then she took my car keys
which I found later in the loo.

After her bed time I began to think that  In our rural little hamlet  that
our petit farm was surrounded with families with little boys; Hmmm-
and  all more or less the same age Hmmmm.

what kind of chance do I have with those odds ..

I began to think and plan when a friend sent me  rules for dating (our
)daughter..download and print I think you will like it..Best Michael

  Ten Simple Rules for Dating Our  Daughter

Rule  One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a
package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me.  You may glance at her, so
long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If  you cannot keep
your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove  them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for  boys of your age to wear
their trousers so loosely that they appear to be  falling off their hips.
Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of  your friends are
complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about  this
issue, so I propose his compromise:
You may come to the door with your  underwear showing and your pants ten
sizes too big, and I will not object.  However, in order to ensure that
your clothes do not, in fact, come off during  the course of your date with
my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and  fasten your trousers
securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm  sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a
"barrier  method" of some kind can kill you.  Let me elaborate, when it
comes to sex,  I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually  understood that in order for us to get to know each other,
we should talk about  sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please
do not do this. The only  information I require from you is an indication
of when you expect to have my  daughter safely back at my house, and the
only word I need from you on this  subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular  fellow, with many opportunities to date
other girls. This is fine with me as  long as it is okay with my daughter.
Otherwise, once you have gone out with my  little
girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with
you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you  stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and
more than an  hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.  If you want to be on
time for the  movie, you should not be dating.  My daughter is putting on
her makeup, a  process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate
Bridge. Instead  of just standing there, why don't you do something useful,
like changing the oil  in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a  date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer  than a wooden
stool.  Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns  within
eyesight.  Places where there is darkness.  Places where there  is dancing,
holding hands, or happiness.  Places where the ambient  temperature is warm
enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops,  midriff T-shirts,
or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down  parka -
zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual  theme are
to be avoided; movies
which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games  are okay. Old folks homes
are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I  may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged,
dimwitted has-been. But on  issues relating to my daughter, I am the
all-knowing, merciless god of your  universe.  If I ask you where you are
going and with whom, you have one  chance to tell me the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the  truth.  I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five
acres behind the house. Do not  trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid.  Be very afraid.  It  takes very little for me to mistake the
sound of your car in the driveway for a  chopper coming in over a rice
paddy near Hanoi.  When my Agent Orange  starts acting up, the voices in my
head frequently tell me to clean the guns as  I wait for you to bring my
daughter home. As soon as you pull into the  driveway you should exit your
car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the  perimeter password, announce
in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter  home safely and early,
then return to your car - there is no need for you to  come inside.  The
camouflaged face at the window is  mine.


I can see being a parent is going to be very challenging...Mon Oncle