1.      Trying to keep warm in freezing weather, a 50 year old Cypriot
huddled over his paraffin heater. Accidentally overturning it, he set
himself on fire, screaming in pain as his clothes were engulfed he
ran out of his abode and jumped into a nearby reservoir, where he
sunk like a stone and drowned.

2.      The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez
oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the
most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid
cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later they were both
eaten by a killer whale. (That had to be one of the most expensive
meals ever prepared for man or beast.)

3.      A psychology student rented out her spare room to a carpenter in
order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of
needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her
mentally retarded.

4.      In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world
flagpole-sitting record. By the time he had come down, eight hours
short of the 400 day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his
girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut
off.

5.      A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking
frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist
towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the
deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the
back door, breaking his arm in two places. A shame as he has merely
been listening to his walkman.

6.      Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of
sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two
thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded,
trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

And the last and best...

7.      Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a
letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it.
You've guessed it, he opened it and said a fond farewell to his
face.