SOS Gab & Eti 1.2

An architectural conservator, sending e-mail in from Britain, has suggested
that Gab and Eti purchase a new toilet to display alongside the used toilet.
With his scheme it has also been suggested that they investigate marketing
the pair to one of the quaint colonial villages doting the subject's
countryside, or, as suggested by a Columbia University freshman respondent,
to the Naropa Institute (Al's beat school of embodied poetics) to be used as
decorative columns incorporated into a rustic entry portal.

Several architects, not all of them obscure, have stepped forward with offers
to design a theme park to surround the units. One architect complained that
his tempered-glass unit was superior in design to the mundane fiberglass
units, a much more GRAND GESTURE (bearing in mind that a modest gesture, well
maintained, becomes grand, and thus elevating our common American biffie to a
refined temple of populist taste) more worthy of promotion and that he was in
the midst of negotiating a highly lucrative proposal to dot the street
intersections of Corning, NY with his fantastic waterproof enclosures. In our
opinion a demand for fabricating a structure too highly exposing for public
or polite consumption.

This exuberance for recognition of the modern crapper was countered by a
lengthy response from the executive director of GWSH. It seems, and this was
a profound revelation to me, that our founding father had occasional want of
respite from fiddling with his cullions and deposited a likewise occasional
fetid mound, with a lump of lime, here and there throughout the colonial
frontier. This is not to say one of a crop of 19th century turquoise-blooded
societies that commemorate where George rested his noble head, as much as to
give recognition to those modest heads where George wrested another anatomy.
How they are able to locate and confirm these landmarks is completely beyond
my comprehension, which I admit is fairly briefed. I can only surmise that GW
kept a highly detailed diary of his movements at a time prior to Kellogs.
Detailed data retention by the Founding Fathers would not be completely out
of joint as several other notable historical figures have kept note of their
excremental labors.

Martin Luther claimed he was persisted upon by a stenching and rotten odoured
Devil expelling a foul and rancid breath every time he had to go. I believe,
though a considerable step down from Saint Augustine's vision of a Golden
City, Luther's was a well intentioned warning to his flock of the presentment
of Hell. I think all of this came about prior to the vogue of alchemy to form
gold of common dross and variously pendulated the Rosicrucians. Enough said
about the preservation of sacred sites in that.

We did receive a map from GWSH. It is very nicely laid out and color coded
with little house-like images and labels dated to preserve a sense of
chronological continuity.  One of those four-color things with different
types of dotted and dashed lines leading one to really believe that it must
be absolutely true that someone at some time really did wander around in that
sort of loop-de-loop misdirection (unless the interns were being lead around
that day by a flush master) that leaves us utterly aghast, baffled and
expectorant. Despite causing me to eat a slew of bananas (organic, of
course), it left me exceedingly curious to know if there is any extant
documentation on the technology of 18th century TP. Was this stuff really
embossed with the bearer's initials as GWSH claims? Exactly how was the hot
wax applied? Was it normal to use flax and nettles mixed with the slippery
elm pulp?

To be continued..... on the bus

Copyright 1997 Ken Follett
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