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Subject:
From:
Gabriel Orgrease <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
B-P Golden Oldies: "Authentic Replicants Converge"
Date:
Tue, 4 Jul 2006 12:31:39 -0100
Content-Type:
text/plain
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I have quite often been brought up short that people question that my 
son calls me by my first name and refers to me as such. As opposed to 
saying, "My father," he says "Ken." The question usually seems to imply 
behind the words an inference that he is not my legitimate son. Having 
myself endured many years of those sorts of oddly unspoken questions I 
remember when I am asked this one. I do not recall him ever calling me 
Dad or Pop though I do know that on occasion he will refer to me as 
father. I have always taken his calling me Ken as a sign of respect. I 
do not think it is a northern tradition for him to call me by my first 
name as it is in the north that I am questioned. These days the 
informality of name between us helps a whole lot in a balance of respect 
as our being business partners. I will refer to him in non-business 
context as my son, never directly applied to him in person, but most 
often I refer and speak to him as David. Each individual is a unique 
creation and I do not believe that we need to go out of our way to 
empower a heirarchy of valuation one to another. I have been reading a 
great deal lately regarding the interface of religion and American 
politics and history. There is a politics to the syntax and usage of our 
langage and in part it is driven by our religious beliefs that are 
inherent to our cultural contexts. I have not as yet got it figured out.

The Jamaicans (Anglo-Afrikan Americans) that I work with, and in the 
past the Pakistanis in particular, would often refer to me as Mr. Ken, 
and the most irritating from the Jamaicans sometimes as Boss... 
particularly irritating if I see the relationship as one of mutual 
dependency -- in that it is difficult to have balanced dependency when 
the other person is making you out to be the boss, the responsible 
party. Though at times it seems quaint to be called Mr. Ken I tend more 
to find it an inhibition to the communications in that it signifies a 
relationship in the work process that is not particularly one that I 
want. When someone calls me Mr. Follett I tend to expect that they are 
going to try to extort something from me and I go on the defensive.

Fathers & sons... the fellow at the Lefferts House, Billy Holliday, with 
whom we have been working directly with him and a motley of adult-youth 
volunteers to build a beehive bake oven and cooking fireplace at the 
site in Prospect Park, Brooklyn, which is a children's historic 
museum... and the bake oven sits outside in the yard and is classified 
in the park as playground equipment... it actually works -- we have 
worked real hard to make sure it works -- and Billy bakes bread in it... 
David and I have had many day long work sessions with this project -- 
anyways... about a month ago his 21 year old son who was working as a 
roofer in Maine (I had been talking w/ Billy about possibly getting his 
only and adopted son Joey into traditional slate roofing) was killed in 
an automobile accident. It was meaningless, tragic, and leaves behind a 
19 year old unwed mother and young daughter (Billy's granddaughter). 
They were planning to wed in October. He had just started his own 
business detailing cars. She had a week before got her GED and Joey had 
gone up on the graduation stage and given her 5 dozen red rozes... baby 
in one arm, roses in the other. So last week David and I had a task to 
do on the bake oven and in respect to Billy, our first visit with him 
after his loss, who very much needed to talk his pain out with us... and 
I will say it is hard to be there with your son working, and obviously 
the two of us in good humor and harmony, when your friend has lost their 
son. All things considered I do not care what anyone calls whomever in 
the end.

][<en

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