REDNECK VALENTINE
Kudzu is green,
My dog's name is Blue
And I'm so lucky
To have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk
A-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
And without all them fleas.
You move like the bass,
Which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
But I luv you anyway.
You're as graceful as okry
Jist a-dancin' in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as SunDrop
Right out of the can.
You have all yore teeth,
For which I am proud;
I hold my head high
When we're in a crowd.
On special occasions,
When you shave yore armpits,
Well, I'm in hawg heaven,
I'm plumb outta my wits.
Still them fellers at work
They all want to know,
What I did to deserve
Such a purty, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape
Yo're there fer yore man,
To patch up life's troubles
And stick 'em in the can.
Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler
Racin' through mud,
Yet fragile as that sanger
Naomi Judd.
Yo're as cute as a junebug
A-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like no fire ant
Upon which I oft' tread.
Cut from the best pattern
Like a flannel shirt of plaid,
You sparked up my life
Like a Rattletrap shad.
When you hold me real tight
Like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection,
Like the best vinyl sidin'.
Despite all the years,
Yore age, it keeps hidin'.
And when you get old
Like a '57 Chevy,
Won't put you on blocks
And let grass grow up heavy.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
With a RC cold drank,
We go together
Like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate
For Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
It's romantic that way.
Some men git roses
On that special day
>From the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
>From a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
They explain, all suave and couth.
But for this man, honey,
These will not do.
For you are too special,
You sweet thang you.
I got you a gift,
Without taste nor odor,
Better than diamonds,
It's a new trollin' motor.
I love you, honey dew!
(Author unknown)
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