Now we know that the innate simplicity of the system of measurement used by
every country in the world except for a couple of primitive societies such as
Myanmar, (oh, and I forgot, the United States of America) is too much for
Ralph.

Lest anyone underestimate the extent of your Humor Czar's foolishness, I
decided I had to get myself a foot/inch/fraction calculator (which retails
for something like 80 clams, which lest anyone underestimate my frugality,
was too much), so the undersigned genius bought it on ebay from some other
jerk (it came, and it works...as far as I can tell).  Do we think the
"guarantee" he told me I'd get with the calc is going to be honored?  And
what, pray tell, do they measure with in Myanmar (potentially extremely
distasteful, or am I confusing Myanmar with Cambodia)?

No simple multiplying or dividing by 10 is good enough for him.  Instead, he
relishes the challenge of fractional measurements based variously on systems
using 12, 14 or 16 as a base unit.

Your Humor Czar is indeed familiar with and regularly employs measurement
systems, hallowed by centuries (soon, millennia) of use, based on multiples
and fractions of 12 and 16.  I am also aware of the metric system used in
many places (excepting apparently Myanmar) where tyranny rules or has ruled,
which evidently for reasons of ingrained habit was never extended to include
measurement of time and geometry.  However, the use of 14 is news (there's
that awful word) to me.  Is that a southern hemispherism based on 14
wallabies to the chutney, 14 Foster's per Ozzie per day, 14 pasties in each
steak-and-kidney pie, 14 jnugle gyms per "cement" pad, or what?

Kindly enlighten us, oh Sage of Down Under.

Ralph