Dangerous Virus Alert!!

      (he, he. . .)


 If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately.  Do
 not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only  erase
 everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks
 within 20 feet of your computer.  It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of
 your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the
 tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any
 CD's you attempt to play. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's
 coolness settings so all your ice
 cream melts and your milk curdles. It will program your phone autodial to
 call only your ex-spouses' number.

 This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink  all
 your beer. It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are
 expecting company. Its radioactive emissions will cause your bellybutton
 fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears. It will
 replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while
 dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their
 hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will cause you to run with
 scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses
 an eye. It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Psitticosis. It will
 rewrite your backup files, changing all your  active verbs to passive
 tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change
 the interpretations of key sentences. It will leave the toilet seat up
 and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
 It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and
 pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk. It will
 replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.  It will molecularly rearrange
 your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like dill pickles. It is
 insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.  It is
 also a rather interesting shade of mauve. These are just a few signs of
 infection.

 PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!! (everyone deserves a
good laugh)