A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought
her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously
waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee.

The grandmother had never in her life had SUCH a bad cup of coffee. It
tasted like plastic or something. As she forced down the last sip she
noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.

She gently asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the
bottom of my cup?"

Her grandson proudly replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best
part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A dog and cat were talking to each other about who was God.

The dog said that his humans were so loving  --  they fed him, took
him places, gave him toys --  so he thought that they must be God.

The cat said that his humans were so loving  --  they fed him,
took him places, gave him toys  -- so he thought "I must be God."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bread, The Root of All Evil!

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming
households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home,
the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality
rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and
diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole
nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24
hours of eating bread.

5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread
and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two
days.

6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder"
items such as jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is
more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to
your body being taken over by this sponge-like food product, turning you
into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person, or even eventually exploding you.

8. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit!
That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.


--
[log in to unmask] (Liza May)